I am… 100% single. I haven’t been asked to be someone’s girlfriend since I was 14 (oh the woes of middle school). So saying anything other than 100% single would make me the delusional, crazy girl. And yet…
I’m at least 10% taken, maybe even 50%. Or maybe I’m 50% crazy? Either way, the math isn’t looking too good for me.
If I was completely single then I would be going out with my friends and talking to guys guilt-free. I might start dating around and trying out all the dating apps. Or I might not be interested in getting involved with anyone at all and I might just be enjoying my family and a girls’ night in. No matter what way you shook it, I wouldn’t be thinking of a certain someone when I fall asleep every night.
So some of you might be asking “How the heck can you be half single?” (You probably didn’t but play along and be a good sport). Well, I’m glad you asked.
It’s actually pretty easy to be a little bit taken by someone. Friends with Benefits, the ‘talking’ stage of dating, and F*ck Buddies are all different types of 10% taken. Throughout my teen years I was often part of the unrequited love or the ‘crushing on my friend’ club. It’s near impossible to label this current guy (who will be nicknamed Stubborn from now on) so I won’t even try. Or more accurately, I haven’t been ready to face the reality that I’ve wasted countless months putting time and energy into a dead- end relationship. What I do know, for sure, is 10% taken was not a place I liked being.
I tried dating other people to get over Stubborn, I tried to force Stubborn to date me, and I tried breaking up my ‘non –relationship’ relationship with Stubborn (and yes, it’s super embarrassing calling it that and if he ever finds this blog, I plead the fifth).
Amazingly (read: predictably), none of that worked. There’s no fool -proof plan to getting in or out of your 10% taken relationship so I welcome all of you to try what I’ve tried and I hope something works for you (if you’ve had success, totally contact me so I can hear all the juicy details). If I’m honest though, I don’t think it’s going to work.
I’m in a 60% relationship with myself, and it took many years just to make it here. And I think until that number improves, I’ll only ever be half –in, half -out of these half -assed relationships. And even then, Stubborn would have to be in a healthy relationship with himself too before he could ever be serious with me.
The only advice I really can offer is to not beat yourself up about being stuck in a 10% taken relationship. Don’t shame yourself, don’t guilt yourself. Just try to be present with yourself and your reality. Trying to set timelines for the future just left me upset and disappointed when I didn’t reach them. You want to improve your relationship with yourself, not disappoint yourself by setting goals you might not be ready for. There will come a day when you love and respect yourself so much that you realize this guy doesn’t deserve you or he will realize what a fool he would be to lose you.
So I hope one day you can be 100% committed to yourself because there is no doubt, you are something worth holding on to.