The Update

I hope most of you are reading this because you read yesterday’s blog post and decided to check back for the update!

He said… No to me but I said… Yes (to myself)!

The first time I ask it’s still kind of vague. I ask if he’ll take me out some time this month. I don’t really say where, when, or what. All he did was avoid it and say he works a lot. I was giving him time in advance though so that it could be a day he had off from work…

Since I had recently worked up the courage to ask him once, I figured I have to ask him again to be sure. No more of the vague nonsense. This time I wanted to be more specific. I told him a date and what we would be doing that. He said it sounded great and he would totally be there if he wasn’t working.

WAIT. Yeah, you heard me. He said he would totally be there, AS IF I haven’t been wanting to hang out with him for the past two months?!

So I consulted two friends for a male and female perspective. Except it wasn’t two different perspectives, they agreed he wasn’t stepping up and the only reason he was interested in the date was because it involved ice cream and he has a sweet tooth. Nothing to do with seeing me.

I told Stubborn to be direct with me and straight up tell me he wasn’t interested in seeing me. He said “nah” (Yeah, I WISH I was making this up). Nah what? Nah, you’re just an A*hole or Nah, you can’t say that because you ARE interested in seeing me?

I said Why not

He said Because.

 (I’d like to say when you don’t make a legit argument it’s because a) you don’t have one b) you just don’t care enough or c) you’re still just an A*hole Hint: It looks like all 3 apply here).

I said Because you’re just selfish and want me in your back pocket…?

He said No but I told him to knock it off and then I never talked to him again.

I’m done being the one putting in all the effort. I’m done getting no effort in return. I’m done feeling like I’m not enough (because in reality, no one is enough for him right now). I’m done feeling like I’m hard to love because I’m not and it’s time I realize that. I’m done because I deserve more than a 10% relationship.

If you want me, make the effort because I’m done.

 

*^ So I wrote this right when it happened but only decided to post it now. It’s been 4 weeks! Some days were tougher than others but I never gave in. I’m finally strong enough to not use this crutch that I used to hide from loneliness and from the fear of really putting myself out there for a true relationship where I could get hurt.

I’m finally free.

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38 comments

  1. Being free is a damned good thing. I’ve always felt like guys are not that mysterious, if they want to take you out he will ask. Granted, sometimes they hold back to see if there might be interest, but usually they run with just a little bit of insight.

    Well, at least you know and can put this to rest.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I am mortified at how he handled this… and mortified that you put up with it for as long as you did. It is obvious he wasn’t interested. I agree with tarnishedsoul: If a guy is interested, he’ll make at least some effort.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha I was also mortified by how he handled it! It made it that much easier to be strong in my decision. Usually he’ll bring up how hard his childhood was and it shaped him to be this way…
      I’m also glad I was brave enough to push for an answer and I’m just done with it all and I can finally move on!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. But you know what you really need to do when you do cut yourself off is put yourself first again. Don’t isolate yourself or ignore your feelings. Be true to yourself, fulfill your needs, and take care of yourself. You don’t have to do all in hopes of another person, you can just take care of yourself because you matter. 🙂

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  3. Good on you and please don’t go back
    . I met quite a few guys like this when I was younger. They are a total waste of time and you will meet someone who is worthy and interested in you for being fabulous you…even when you don’t feel fabulous:)))) x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Part of the reason I’m being so honest in these posts is so that I have all of you to think of disappointed if I even consider going back. Which I’m not. That’s for the renewed hope! I do worry about running into yet another guy who only wants to waste my time. You’re so sweet, thank you for this comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Onward and upward.. next time you can look for the signals, like….he asks you out….. I’ve been a long time away from dating but one thing I know is, the man has to step up and do the work (‘work’ isn’t the right word, but you know what I mean)…

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    1. Why spend time or thought on someone who isn’t going to meet you halfway?

      As far as others who are commenting that he should ask you out, there is nothing wrong with you asking him out. It takes courage to ask someone out so kudos to you on that.

      If people want to be with you (hypothetical you), then they will. This wasn’t the right fit for you.

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      1. yes, Jarrod, there’s nothing wrong with a woman asking a man, and more men wish it was so, I just mean, in nature, it is usually the male that does the chasing. Women have a much larger fear of rejection than men do

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    2. haha when you put it like that Andrew, you make a girl feel very silly! lol The thought to date Stubborn didnt cross my mind till I knew him for 4 months and by then I guess I got a little attached? From now on, I will make sure the guy shows effort from the get-go! thanks!

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      1. ah okay, didn’t mean to make you feel silly…I have seen many men ‘hang around’ a woman because they’re interested but too scared to make a move – it could have been that, though obviously wasn’t…

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  5. WOWWWWW. I can’t believe he even responded like that. I’d be pulling my hair out if I were you. But good for you for ending things. Trust me, you’ll certainly find someone who treats you the way you’d like to be treated. It mayyyy inspire me to write a post about why I broke up with my ex, and why everyone was so shocked about it. You just never know what’s happening below the surface.

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    1. That WOWWWWWW is spot on! The lack of effort honestly made it easy for me to stop caring. Ya know, he wasn’t fighting to stay so wtf was I doing? Oh! That sounds like an awesome post! I totally get not sharing everything with everyone bc you don’t want them too involved and opinionated about your relationship, but if its an ex I feel like that could be a good article!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha I’ve been avoiding writing about it on my blog because he MAY still read my posts but I doubt it. It’s been almost a year since we broke up. But I just had a friend who recently dumped her fiancé and not many of our friends have reached out to her and she wants to tell them the full story but she feels like she can’t. Some situations just need to be explained before judged!

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