I’ve been on probably two non-date coffee dates. One time with Stubborn in which I believe he was unsure about us and didn’t want to commit to an hour -long meal and a heftier bill. Ironically, that coffee lasted longer than nearly all of my dinner dates. The other coffee date was with some guy I didn’t want to see but he said I judged him too quickly and in order to not look like the bad guy, I agreed to coffee (he was as wrong for me as I originally thought).
When I choose that coffee date with the second guy, I wanted it to come off as noncommittal. I wanted to chug my hot cup in 25 minutes and call it a day no matter the taste bud burns. I didn’t want to be trapped waiting for the waiter to come back and take our meal order. I wanted an easy out.
I’ve also been on two “Let’s get drinks” non-date dates. Now I, personally, am not much of a drinker so the fact that these men suggested drinks means they don’t know me every well nor did they really care to. Those drinks also lasted the noncommittal hour and then they would ask, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” Yes. Yes, I did want to get out of here but sure as hell not with you!
Those were not a ‘let’s get to know each other’ drinks, they were ‘let’s see if you’re interesting enough to want to hook up with’ drinks. They didn’t want to waste time or money truly wooing me. They were lazily looking for something quick and fun. It was their way of ‘sampling the product’ without having to put in the proper amount of time and effort of a real date.
You might be wondering why I continue to call these dates ‘non-dates’ and that’s because the lack of commitment. Coffee or drinks is casual, quick, and easy. It’s kind of like if you just ‘hang out’ with a guy. You’re not really dating him if you’re never seen together in public.
If you really like someone, you probably won’t suggest coffee or drinks as the first option. You’ll be thinking “I really like this person and want to spend as much time with them as possible” and let’s face the facts, coffee just wouldn’t cut it.
I prefer to meet for drinks on a first date. Inhibitions are lowered so the vibe is more relaxed. If I don’t like the guy, I can duck out after one drink. If I like the guy, we can get a few drinks and really get to know each other. Win/win no matter what!
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You’re right, the vibe is definitely more relaxed. I do the same thing! Duck out after one drink if its bad or stay for hours if it’s good.
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Coffee dates, otherwise known as the dating equivalent of a job interview.
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lmao exactly. Also kinda like the phone call interview, not even the in person one yet. It’s a screening and its something you don’t want to waste too much time or money on.
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I don’t think a coffee date is so bad. It’s more casual rather than stressful. I feel like I would prefer a coffee date first to test the waters. But then again, I’m the worst person to provide insight because I have yet to date in general haha
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A coffee date is definitely a good way to test the waters. Unfortunately, it often shows to me the guys who aren’t ready to commit.
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I’m going to note this for future dating 🙂
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LOL – I have been out of the game so long! I am reading all of this with interest, but only makes me more comfy in my singleness! Thanks for the updates – I’m living vicariously !
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I agree. I actually blew a guy off recently.. and that was one of the reasons why. A- he wanted to meet for coffee, struck me as really not into me or making much effort
B- only open to meet up on weekday after work and picked an area much more geographically convenient for him than me… struck me as not really gentlemanly and all about him
Yeah… not good feels. Date cancelled. I developed a headache lol
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See!? Yes, exactly, coffee is when you don’t really want to commit to a full evening with someone, just not as much effort involved.
Oh, yuck. Yeah this guy wasn’t ready for a relationship, Im glad you cancelled on this selfish jerk.
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