Sometimes it’s Just not Meant to be

So there was this guy I once had a crush on and it lasted many, many years. Nothing ever really happened so there isn’t much of a beginning to talk about but there is an End. We got in a fight because I felt the friendship was very one sided and I was probably also jealous of this girl he liked (and eventually dated). So the end went with him saying, “I only like you as a friend. Sorry.” And just like that it FINALLY clicked. It was over.

He was never going to like me as I wished he would. I needed that direct finality to ultimately stop living in this fantasy relationship alone (This is what I often tried to push Stubborn into saying. It’s also the reason I held on so long, because he could never say it).

Even though we weren’t exes, I feel like the best way to get over an ex is to cut off all contact for some time in order to ensure that no romantic feelings pop back up. Once I stopped putting in the effort to keep in touch with him, the friendship instantly ended. We talked a few times over the next 6 months to be polite but then it just all faded.

So it’s been years since we’ve seen each other and I liked keeping it that way. Now we’re both attending an event and it’s unavoidable. Here, I find myself wondering if he might like me now? Years have passed, I’ve changed my hair, my body has changed, and we’ve both done some growing up.

This is all insecure 16 year old me talking. The first guy she ever liked didn’t like her back and she wants to stop doubting that she’s not good enough.

No matter what color my hair is, I am still me. I will never be the love of his life and don’t want to be her. I’m also not who I used to be when I was 16. I have different wants and needs now; I want a different kind of relationship than I did as a teen. It wasn’t my hair color that stopped him from ever liking me and it surely won’t be the reason he would suddenly like me now.

We just weren’t a good match. That happens sometimes without it being anyone’s fault. That’s a hard reality to face. It took a very long time for me to learn that sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be together. It took me a long time to stop blaming this guy, Stubborn, and myself. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes you know the reason, other times you don’t.

You can’t make other people like you and you can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone you just don’t have chemistry with. The only person you could really do that with is yourself.

 

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11 comments

  1. Yeah you can’t force other people to like you. I’m glad you deleted his contact info. It can be really damaging talking to them after the fact.

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  2. I don’t agree that it’s important to cut off communication because of a break up or in this case him emphatically assuring you of not liking you that way – but depending on the situation/mind space of everyone, especially the rejected, may warrant it. I Do; however, am glad you stopped putting in the effort. He clearly didn’t care to remain friends and it was likely a friendship of convenience for him given that he’d let you do all the work to keep it afloat. Also, who knows? Time changes people and you might be just what he wants now… but if that’s the case don’t let it sway you – keep in mind he walked all over you before. For my money it wouldn’t be worth the effort or aggravation

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    1. When proofreading this post I knew you’d disagree with that idea lol I have a post coming out later on about breaking contact with your ex so I look forward to your thoughts there. Yes convenience is a good word for it! I’m also glad I was able to walk away. And now I don’t care what he wants, I care about what I want and need. Because you’re right, time does change people (which would be an excellent post idea!). Thanks for reading!

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      1. haha I am so predictable! LOL But nah it’s not that I disagree totally, just as a sweeping statement I guess… there was one ex (Andre) that wanted to remain friends and I was the one that just couldn’t do it and had to separate myself completely from him – so it does have a time and place in certain relationships. He and I are of course friends now – but it took 13 years of no contact before we got that way (to be fair I was ready to be friends with him a handful of years earlier should the chance have arisen then…) anyway I’m rambling. I’ll be looking forward to your other post and will be sure to give my thoughts 🙂 and I’m glad you can see it all clearly with this guy now. His needs are nothing compared to your own! Good on ya! 🙂

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    2. I’m friends with my ex-boyfriend. It’s tricky, because I do miss him. But our friendship is really important to both of us, and so we text every few days or so. He lives 6 hours away, so we don’t hang out. I think it just has to be what works for you. But hanging on because you think he might be coming back just calls for cutting off communication.

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