Friends or More?

Should you date your friend? Or perhaps more accurately, is it worth the risk to date your friend and possibly lose the friendship if it does not work out?

Lots of solid relationships state that an important component is their friendship. Sometimes they start out as friends and some times they don’t, but always they insist that their significant other is their best friend who they tell all their embarrassing stories, hopes, and fears to. So one might think dating a friend would be a great idea because that aspect is already there and has built a strong foundation.

Of course once you cross that threshold from just friends to more than friends, its near impossible to go back. This has got to be the strongest reason people with crushes on their friends give for not pursing it. They don’t want to lose that friendship and closeness. They would rather have them in their life as a friend then risk becoming closer and then ending up with nothing. Sometimes friends don’t want to mess up the group dynamic by dating or sub consequently breaking up.

The thing is if you’ve naturally floated into the territory of daydreaming about one friend in particular then it may be worth digging into. He already knows your interests and dislikes pretty well. You already know about his bad habits and future plans. If you know all this and still can’t stop thinking about him then it may be time to start pushing the friendship boundary and see if he feels the same way about you.

If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder. You may become self conscious or doubt yourself more if you start thinking, well why hasn’t it crossed his mind yet to date me!? Maybe he didn’t think you’d like him back, maybe he has too much on his plate and wouldn’t be able to give you the effort you deserve. All I know is that it’s an unhealthy mental state to be wondering about all the possibilities and insecurities without any sold facts. It will give you a peace of mind to hear his sides of things no matter the outcome.

 

 

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2 comments

  1. My entire life, I was always the girl with a crush on her guy friend. A couple of times, I ventured to figure out if it was a mutual feeling. In two cases, it certainly was but the guy in question wasn’t “ready” (i.e., couldn’t say yes he was or no he wasn’t interested. Never wanted to think about it. Wasn’t about to go there) in my adult life, after lots of epically bad dates and equally weird relationships-I decided I’d try that whole “dating your friend” thing. Annnnd it just left me with two less friends because though they were beautiful, lovely, and thoughtful friends–they were horrid partners even for the short time we dated.
    More power to the people that can find a partner they are friends with but Iiiii don’t think it’s in the cards for everyone. 🙂

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    1. It’s always maddening when a guy can’t make up his mind!! Of course, I’ve begun to see that as he just doesn’t like me enough and I have to cut my losses instead of chasing something. How weird is that?! Great friends but horrible partners! What were some things they did wrong in dating?

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