Second Choice

I’ve talked before about ways to know if you’re wasting your time on a guy or not. These guys, for a variety of reasons, are emotionally unavailable. Of course, it’s never so black and white, instead he’s more open and available some weeks or some nights and you think you’ve finally gotten through to him. And then he’s back to his old ways, not making time for you, and you can’t figure out where he truly stands with you. Here are some reasons why a guy might not be making room in his life for you.

They’re focused on their career and don’t have the time to dedicate to a girlfriend right now. It makes complete sense and you can’t really get mad at them for being self aware about their priorities. And it might cause some internal and interpersonal issues when you’re always put second behind their job.

Other times you can feel like you’re being put second to their friends and hobbies. It’s perfectly healthy to split up time between going out with your girlfriend and going out with your friends. It becomes a problem when you tell her you’re too busy to meet up this week and then you complain about how you’re getting dragged out to the bar by your friends. Just because she is understanding and doesn’t pick on you for decompressing at home does not mean she deserves the short end of the stick while your friends get their way. Either make time for her and be fair or stand up to your friends. Or don’t blame your friends when you know you’re always going to want to pick them over your girlfriend.

You ever have a significant other get back with their ex right after you guys break up and then you’re like “oh, now I get it.” Maybe you were just the rebound girl who lasted too long or he was lying to himself when he said he was really over her. You realize once he had the choice to choose between you or her, he chose her. And that breaks your heart, which I completely understand BUT it totally shouldn’t because the guy who doesn’t choose you doesn’t deserve you!

Lastly, it’s a combination of these things but most importantly, he just doesn’t care enough about you to put you first. It doesn’t really matter the reason, just his actions showing you how far down you are on his priority list. Remember how that makes you feel and don’t wait around for a love that will probably never come.

You should be with the guy who doesn’t put you second. You should be with the guy who puts in the effort to see you, the one who smiles when reading your text, and the one who is factoring you into his future because he can’t imagine it without you. That’s the guy you deserve.

You’re worth being put first.


  1. Loved it
    And I don’t know why we don’t see those things, those “details”. In fact I believe that we don’t want to see it. We just realize them when we are out of that relationship and when we find the one who really makes the effort to spend time with you. And that’s hard to find.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I mean is the saying really true, is love blind? I think you’re right though, its more so that we don’t Want to see these red flags. I also believe that these ‘relationships’ never really taught me much, it was definitely the nice/good guy who made the effort and was Different than these lackers, who really taught me to watch for these warning signs and that I deserved more!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I really like this. The only exception (and this goes for guys and girls) is when kids are involved.

    I know many people disagree with me on this, but there is not a person in the world that comes above the needs of my kids. My significant other will come bloody close, and in all but the more extreme situations will appear to be on par, but they will always come first.

    In return I’d expect nothing less from anyone I was seeing who might have kids.

    I’d be comfortable being second best to children, but for everything else I’d want to know I was on par.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I imagine much more people agree with you rather than disagree, it’s very respectable and reasonable to devote so much effort to properly care for your kids. I think a relationship that would really work for parents is that they both agree that the kids will come first in those extreme situations, just as you mention. Thanks for including this new perspective!


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