When Should the First Kiss be?

There’s not exactly a set time, but there is definitely a window from date number two to date number four with the sweet spot being at the end of two or three. Timing is super important here. You want to make sure a connection is there before jumping the gun.

Trust me there is nothing worst than going in for a kiss too soon.

If a woman isn’t ready for that kind of intimacy than you only seem disrespectful and aggressive and that’s a sure-fire way to sink your chances with her. You can gage how ready your potential suitor might be by starting with casual touches such as shoulder brushing and a brief hand on the arm. If that seems to go well then you might lean in more during conversation or sit closer so you both might get used to each other in your personal space. From there, more frequent touching, hand holding, and hugging will help build the physical connection. It’s totally normal for it to feel a little uncomfortable from the new sensation and the nervous butterflies, so there’s no need to rush any physical contact.

That’s why it can take two to four dates in order to establish this connection and build up to the first kiss. You both want to be thinking about and craving this kind of intimacy. Of course, everyone moves at a different pace and just like the possibility of moving too fast, there is also the mistake of moving too slow. If you wait too long, he may think you’re not really interested in him romantically. You’ll go from potential dater to friend and watch as he turns his focus to other girls to pursue romantically.

When I first began dating, I obviously had a lot less experience and because of that I definitely did not want a kiss on the first date. I thought it was too soon and if a guy tried I thought it meant he was disingenuous. That was nearly three-year ago now and it wasn’t really until a couple of months ago that I changed my mind on first date kisses.

I still believe the second date is probably better and more popular but as long as I am forming a connection and climbing the ladder of physical contact then I’ve become more accepting of first date kissing. As long as your partner and you feel comfortable, than you can move at whatever pace you want and change that pace when you want!

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20 comments

  1. Or, if you’re like me, you kiss a guy before a first date is even in the cards! Not one of my best moments (and there may have been some alcohol), but we’re now happily engaged! 🙂

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  2. I used to have rules for dating (involving the kiss/ no kiss), but then I broke them… So I would recommend being in the present. In the moment. There and then. You have to feel it and the other person should feel it, too. Best case scenario. However, sometimes, one person doesn’t think they feel it until they get kissed… and then they enjoy it! Be yourself. Stay true to yourself. But also, be open to bending some rules at the right time for the right person.

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  3. It just depends on the guy, for me. Depends on the circumstances. Depends on the age too. I always play it by ear. Definitely a hug on the first date. If I’m interested, I’ve been known to steal a kiss. But if a guy leans down to kiss me and I’m not into him, he gets a cheek.

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  4. I definitely think the first kiss is something one should play by ear. In my numerous dating experiences I’ve happened across a spectrum of women with whom I’ve played the game differently pretty much every time. There have been different dates too: with people I’ve never met, with friends who are interested in pursuing something more, with women whose only interest is physical, and myriad stops between. The degrees of success are equally as varying.

    I guess I try not to think too much when on dates and try to go with whatever the flow seems to be. I definitely prefer the kind of first date where we can talk a lot rather than some kind of activity. Frequently, I’ve kissed on the first date. I think that’s more or less standard in the UK if the date went well and there’s an obvious attraction. If it hasn’t resulted in a kiss then it’s rare a second date follows in my experience.

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    1. Yeah you bring up a good point of how well you already know the person and what type of relationship you’re looking for. It’s almost a bit confusing to me that f*ck buddies still go on dates together lol.

      Another interesting point I didn’t realize is cultural differences! I think I might have mentioned in my post how kisses on the first date seemed disingenuous, like he didn’t really like me, just my body. But in the UK, a first date kiss is necessary to get to the next date!

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      1. I wouldn’t say the first date kiss is necessary per se. It just always seems to happen if the date was successful.

        You’re right about the F buddy dating thing. I think, in my mind, I’ve always kind of taken the ‘buddy’ part literally. In most cases, we have actually been friends as well, which I suppose actually makes it a friends with benefits situation rather than merely a sex thing. I don’t know. Maintaining a friendship has always been sort of important to me. That has, occasionally, led to misunderstandings.

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      2. Ah yes see for me it would blur the lines! I would read into the friend hang outs, worrying that he is starting to like me or somehow disastrously falling for him. I completely understand how things could get messy lol but different things work for different people and situations

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      3. In some cases, friends with benefits works if you’re both on the same page and don’t try to cross any lines. I’ve had scenarios where we’ve successfully gone from friends, to friends with benefits, and back to friends. There are a few, however, where the lines were crossed and it ruined the friendship, sometimes irreparably, or there had to be a lengthy ‘no contact’ period before the friendship could resume. I would like to point out though that I haven’t had a million friends with benefits. I’ve realised it’s perhaps coming across that way 😂

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  5. The important thing to remember: is that love is not structured, it’s fluid like water. The natural kiss is where the who wants it leans in 50% of the way, allowing the other person to decide if they want it too. Stealing kisses are immature and emotionally irresponsible.
    I practice the ego-less relationship with no matter who I’m with. It’s about where I’m at with my understanding and emotional growth. So if she says “no”, than I’m not hurt by it, because my self-love is much bigger than my ego.
    My blessings to you…

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