I Finally Got a Boyfriend!

So if you read my Liebster Award post back in August, I kind of let it slip that I recently got a new boyfriend!! (which by the way, is such a weird way to say that, it sounds like I just brought one from the store or something…) He’s also Dater #4 ( the good kisser lol) from Back in the Saddle if you read that post and were taking your guesses as to whom I was going to see again.

I’ve got some bad news and good news for all my fellow singletons out there, the good news is you don’t have to have the perfect dating profile, play hard to get, or follow any other dating rule out there because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. The bad news is all this effort you’ve been putting in to having the dating scene figured out and thinking you’re another step closer to finding your partner is pretty much bologna because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. I consider all those saying about finding love complete nonsense if I’m being honest.

You’ll find love once you stop looking for it: Lies. I went on 4 dates in the same week, I was 100% looking for love. I have been on the hunt for the past 2.5-3 years now. The only way in which this phrase kinda works in regards to my boyfriend was that I had no expectations for our first date, in fact each of us were considering cancelling on the other!

You won’t find love until you learn to love yourself: Another lie. This one has always bothered me a little bit since I do struggle with self-love and the fact that I wasn’t finding a good match was just cementing the idea that I was unloveable. You’re too close to yourself to see the big picture clearly of who you are as a whole. You nitpick at yourself rather than acknowledging the general idea that you’re a good person that just makes mistakes like every other human.

I do believe in self sabotage though, whether its subconscious or not, I used to pick emotionally unavailable men because I was afraid of showing the real me and getting hurt or abandoned. It also took meeting a good guy to realize how much I was settling because I didn’t realize how much more effort and consideration I deserved from a partner. My boyfriend compliments me all the time my intelligence, my creativity, my body, my nurturing skills, and every other part of me. I know it’s up to me to work on any issues of self-doubt but his support shines the light on parts of me I overlook and often expect more from. I can be a work in progress and be loveable at the same time. I can still love someone else while learning to fully love myself.

Of course, I’m sure there will be someone reading this who had one these clichés work for them or someone they know. The cliché for me and the boyfriend is “Timing is Everything” but I would never give someone the advice of waiting for a guy or periodically checking in on old flames to see if the timing is better now haha. We weren’t waiting around for each other which made the two of us very surprised with what we discovered that first date but that definitely will not be the case for everyone else (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DON’T WAIT AROUND ON A GUY HOPING HE’LL GET HIS ACT TOGETHER OR SUDDENLY FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU) But I think everyone should take each cliché with a grain of salt. You don’t know which one will end up being yours, if any at all.

In the beginning of this article I said finding love is all up to chance… but staying in love is a choice you’ll make over and over again, don’t confuse the two.

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32 comments

  1. Congrats! That’s awesome 🙂 I had a woman yell at me once because she said I didn’t understand that I just “got lucky” when I met D. She was partly right. Timing and luck played a big part in us finding each other. But, (and this is a big BUT) you have to be healthy within yourself to hold on to and maintain a healthy relationship. Finding a healthy relationship is one thing, building it into something wonderful is another. So…let the building begin! Enjoy 🙂

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    1. Yes you’re absolutely right that outside relationships are molded from the relationship you have with yourself! Finding D may have been luck but you deserve all the credit for keeping a relationship with him. Building is work but its work I want to do.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes see! Aside from the hurt of rejection or just losing hope after many failed attempts at dating, you get down on yourself! And then there’s those cliches about having to fully love yourself at a time like that, it’s no easy feat. Maybe the phrase should really be more like “Love yourself before him but love yourself more while you’re with him”

      Thank you!

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  2. I am glad to read that you finally found what you have been looking and apparently he deserves you, which is something very important 🙂

    Oh man…it is not easy being on the “hunt”. Having a heartbreak in every corner, being deceived on the way, or being naive enough to be. I agree with everything you said, there are no rules as playing hard to get. And surely timing is maybe the most important thing, and that upsets me, because it seems that doesn’t really matter how hard I look for it, it will always fall on the luck thing.

    Again, I really glad for you and I wish all the best for you two 🙂

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    1. I’ve had guys who treated me well and somes that didn’t and I’m very glad to know my boyfriend is on the ‘treats me well’ list.

      It definitely wears on the soul to have love not work out time and time again. It’s important to take breaks from dating and just enjoy independent time. I don’t know why love is all up to timing and fate, it doesn’t seem fair.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahahaha it is because I was not looking to a relationship, and he came across my path. First, I was not taking it seriously, but obviously I got involved, and after 3 months, it seems that he realized that he is unavailable. Hard time :/

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  3. I don’t know of any “one size fits all” love advice. However, I found someone special when I wasn’t really looking. As to the second “cliche” – I know of people who don’t love themselves and they have issues in their relationships, because they don’t see themselves as worthy. Whenever something goes wrong, it is just another nail to their already built coffin. It amplifies their faults. Also, because they are insecure, they perceive any little thing as something terribly offensive to them. So while I agree that you don’t have to be 100% in love with yourself to build something special with someone else, it sure is helpful to have a good opinion about oneself.
    *fingers crossed for your happily ever after*

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    1. You’re so right about inner relationships affecting people’s love life and creating issues. I don’t think anyone will ever be 100% emotionally healthy or perfect, we’ll all have our own hang ups and past issues shaping our perspectives. It’s just important to realize how a personal issue is shaping you and not letting it dictate your life nor create a pattern of unhealthy relationships. One loser boyfriend is a learning experience, a list of loser boyfriends is an unhealthy cycle that needs self reflection in order to heal and start making healthier dating choices.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Rose in Full Bloom and commented:
    Before we get any further into the story of my Saint and I, I thought you all should take a look at this post from another online dater I’ve been following.

    Too often are those looking for love online are shot down and deflated because they insist on conforming themselves to cliches. We too often want our lives to look like a Match.com commercial.

    The truth is we can, but it can’t be forced and it can’t be rushed. Do yourself a favor and read this blog post. It’ll help ease the anxiety a bit and hopefully help you see things in a more positive light.

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  5. So much wisdom in this post and congrats and may you both have fun discovering more about each other. These cliches are trotted out by folk trying to make people feel better. It doesn’t, it just adds pressure. x

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    1. Cliches like this remind me of the saying that it’s good luck when it rains on your wedding day. It’s really just meant to make the bride feel better but does that mean you’ll have a bad marriage if you have gorgeous weather on your wedding day? It’s a load of bologna just like all these other love and dating cliches. And you’re right these cliches add pressure that there’s a right way and a wrong way to date, everyone is different and has different experiences!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, and I have another perspective on it too. With the media hype that if a relationship is meant to be, or ‘good’, it flows and doesn’t require work, more pressure is added! Society’s need to label and measue all the time, when things simply just ‘are’.

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