How I Nearly Sabotaged My Relationship

You might have thought that the fact that I now have a Boyfriend would solve the question of if I’m dateable or not. Well, I think the Jury might still be out on that one because Fun Fact – you can still try to ruin your love life whether you’re casually dating or married!

I’ve spoken about my intimacy issues a few times (comfortable, dating curse 2, ) and I know there is still a lot of work I have to do on myself with elevating my self-esteem to the healthiest point and not letting my insecurities consume my thoughts.

Like most girls, when I like a boy I will try to learn about his interests and hobbies to see if they’re something I might enjoy or to decide if maybe he’s not as perfect for me as I thought. Whether through unrequited love or boredom, my obsession to stalk social media has mastered some pretty impressive skills over the years (ladies, I think you understand lol).

So you scroll and stalk until suddenly its 2013 (okay fine, 2009) and you’ve found the ex girlfriend… and the friends with benefits and the almost relationship girl. You’ve dug deep enough to uncover every skeleton in his past. Unfortunately, the most likely scenario here is that you’ve dug too deep and you’ve made enough room to put yourself into an early grave as well.

played self

Photo Credit

I take full responsibility for knowing I have insecure tendencies and still stalking anyway. I’ve been lied to before so I tell myself that I want to see all the hits coming this time. Instead, I’m letting the past be the third person in our relationship. My insecurities and trust issues are the couple we most often go on double dates with.

I have to learn to stop digging into the past, it’s not the present for a reason. Leave it where it’s supposed to be. Take comfort in the present and treat each person as an individual instead of assigning him character traits of the boys who have let you down. He is not one of them, do not let your fears push him into being like them.

Stop stalking so much you fool!

26 comments

  1. Lovely post! I was there with D back in 2008. If you have trust issues it’s OK to mistrust. You want to keep your guard up for a while. Trust needs to be earned. But…yeah…don’t go creating problems by stalking. It’s a rabbit hole you just don’t want to fall into. If this new guy cannot be trusted, trust me, you will know. And you won’t have to do any digging. It’s called intuition. Listen to it, my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree that trust needs to be earned and due to my history of being lied to and getting hurt, I’m not above “testing” my potential suitors.

      The new guy has actually done really well with handling his past when they try to come into his present. He’s definitely proving himself and I need to step up and stop obsessing so that I don’t get stuck in the past too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t condone Facebook stalking. I don’t condone any social media stalking of any kind in fact. It’s destructive and always causes more problems than it solves. For that reason, I never stalk. I look at a few recent photos maybe and that is all. Insecurity always starts with the self. If you don’t allow insecurity to guide your hand then it won’t become an issue. That’s how I feel about it.

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      1. But then that’s why I think people stalk. If they don’t feel they’re getting the full story then they’ll seek out the information they crave themselves. I think, in that instance, a person should have the respect to allow the person to share only what they wish. If you can’t deal with it then you shouldn’t bother with the person at all.

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  3. All this is very true: the past is in the past for a reason. And yet, sometimes the past keeps living in someone’s present. We are not the “stalkers”, the past is stalking us, invading our present relationship. I learned that letting go of the past needs to be a 50/50 work. How can I possibily let go of it , if it keeps peeping into my (our) life?

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      1. That’s very positive! Stick to it!
        My case is complicated by his daughters (23 and 20 years old), still living with him and sabotaging the relationship. And their mother keeps popping up…

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      2. Oh yes I can see how that definitely complicates things. You think they’d be reaching the age where they realized not all marriages work out and be happy their dad has found someone. Sorry it’s not all smooth sailing

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  4. Well I had similar problem but unlike you i didnt only stalk only past virtual presence but current posts too. I used to get jealous even a guy give (heart) reaction to my girlfriends post. But I learned to trust her more.

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  5. YES! I AM 100% WITH THIS.

    I know I’m feeling insecure when I want to snoop, and god I can stalk for hours. So unhealthy. It is a waste of time if someone is cheating you will find out. No need to play detective and care about people they might not!

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