Modern Online Dating Etiquette

Times have definitely changed when it comes to dating and it’s time these dating rules get an update. No more waiting three days to call nor footing every bill to the male. We’re strong, independent women who no longer need a man…still we want him.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned this guy who would talk about his other dates on our dates. That’s rule number 1, when using dating apps we all know you’re in different stages of talking and dating multiple people. You’re doing it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, the trick is to not be the jerk who talks about it. You don’t impress me by telling me about the obsessive girl texting you during our date and I definitely don’t care about the girl you saw last night when I was busy. Instead, I’ll think you’re more interested in those girls or maybe just a guy who’s so starved for attention he needs it from multiple girls.

But with everyone going on multiple dates, you need to make an impression and establish a connection quicker. In the past you might keep the conversation light so you don’t rock the boat too early, but now we tend to dive into important topics within the first couple of dates. There are so many profiles and options with online dating, you need to know if this person is a good match for you ASAP so you don’t waste your time and miss out on a better fish.

Before the age of texting, suitors used to wait three days to call, I guess in order to not seem too desperate? Now you can text the same night the date ends or the next day, saying how you enjoyed yourself, thanking them for a fun evening, and hoping to see them again. It’s no longer seen as desperate, in fact if you wait longer than the next day they’re more likely to think you’re not interested and probably move on.

I wrote about when the right time for a first kiss is but with the way modern dating is going now, people are doing a lot more than just kissing on the first date. Some people are just looking for something casual and there are plenty of long-term couples that say they started out just hooking up so there’s really no rule now on how soon is too soon. As long as you’re both being honest about what you’re looking for, then go all the way on the first day and have fun!

The etiquette of a man always paying for dates started long ago when it made much more sense in society. Society has been changing though with more women in the workforce and the wage gap closing in. The bill doesn’t always have to fall on the man now, plenty of couples go dutch or figure out other ways to share equal weight of the finances.

Let me know of some more modern dating rules you follow in the comments!

 

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32 comments

  1. Not sure it’s a modern rule but it’s certainly a change to an old rule; these days I don’t always walk my date to her front door. Firstly it can seem a little forward, as if I’m expecting for more than a goodnight kiss. But secondly, it’s also a practical thing; I live miles away! In the “old days” you’d probably be dating someone from your local area because those were the people you’d meet, so walking them home was both normal and easy to do.

    These days, with dating apps and distance sliders I might date someone who lives on the other side of the city from my train station, meaning it’d take an hour to get them home, an hour to get back to the train station and another hour to get to my own front door.

    I do message them that night if it went well, of course, and check they got home safely. I’m not a COMPLETE monster… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Walking them to the front door seems to have been replaced with walking them to their car after the date. But I’ve had almost no occasion to do either, since the girls I met were already skittish just meeting someone online.

      Funny thing about the follow-up text… I never did it, but I gathered from other blogs that it seemed to be the thing to do. Plus some of my blog followers advised me to do it. So I started doing it but it didn’t seem to matter whether I did or not. And then my blog followers questioned why I was doing it, asking whether I ever considered playing and cool and NOT sending the follow up text. One even told me that saying “hope you got home safe” was patronizing. smh. In any case I decided not to bother anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Invariably I prefer not playing too many games – well, not those sorts of games, anyway… 😉

        If I like someone and want to see them again then I’ll tell them rather than try to play it cool or make them want to contact me first. Message chicken isn’t top of my list of activities. If they think I’m being too keen then that’s not to be helped, but so far that’s not been the case. Could be how I phrase it, or the way I leave the date; it seems to work for me (or at least has in my limited experience so far).

        Different strokes for different folks, though!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, if I want to see someone again I just tell them right then and there. I don’t wait until later and then send a text. I’m not into games either. But what’s crazy is that some people have ridiculous criteria. A good term I’ve heard for them is “checklist daters.” I wasted a lot of time agonizing over doing all the right things so I’d get a second date. But now I don’t worry my head about it. If someone wants to reject me for wearing the wrong shoes, showing up five minutes late (god forbid), not going for the kiss at the end of the first date, not playing message chicken, texting too soon, sending/not sending a follow-up text, or any of the silly things I’ve seen, then oh well. Her loss – not mine.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think if you like the person you should definitely follow up asap to let them know that you enjoyed yourself. If I don’t get a follow up I immediately think they didn’t like me. I will always follow up if I like them – and if they don’t respond it’s kind of hurtful. Online dating gives you a very thick skin. My care factor reduces daily 🙂

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  2. It’s crazy, isn’t it!? I can honestly say I have only been on one real date since I became single. The other “dates” were always hook-ups.
    And it’s SO fast how you exchange numbers. Usually it’s immediately after matching online. Oh hey, wanna text? Sure. Bam. Everything moves SO fast. And if it doesn’t they are bothered by it.
    I just give up…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yeah when they wanna hook up they immediately move you to texting to get pictures or locations or whatever. They don’t like having to put in any effort. They want it easy and fast. If a guy instantly asks for my number I tell him we’re looking for different things and I move on to the next guy who will actually show me effort

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I never give out my number but if I sense some potential I will move them to kik. I will only swap phone numbers once I am sure they are pretty decent and won’t cause me trouble. Yes I agree that the difference between a hook up and a date is very slim. I guess it depends on intentions? If you are on a ‘dating’ site as opposed to a hook up site, and you both openly state that you’re looking for a relationship, that’s different. The whole thing around waiting 3 months to have sex I find totally ridiculous!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting post!
    Something that I advise which is considered more modern compared to in the past is I believe on the first date both people should met a mutal place where as in the past the guy would pick the girl up at her house and even ring the doorbell

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    1. I’m actually much more comfortable arranging to meet a guy I met online somewhere public. It would actually freak me out if they wanted to pick me up. That would mean giving them my home addresss

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I can’t stand the questions about how long I have been on an app… How many guys I’m talking to… How many guys I’ve met… Nothing turns me off faster

    Seriously, that’s what you want to spend your time talking about?

    Drives me nuts

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Comparing experiences in a lighthearted and humorous way… I’m in.
        I’m talking about men ( or women ) who are so focused on the potential competition, they don’t use the time to get to know me or show me who they are…

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  5. Snaps to this post! I have definitely been there before but am happy to be in a mature and supportive relationship. We actually met through a mutual friend at a bar, even though I had been on dates from people I met on dating apps.

    One thing my boyfriend and I do is alternate who pays. Or if we are going to stay in for dinner, we make dinner together and try a new recipe.

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    1. Isn’t it funny how you’re out looking for a guy and then he finds you in a kind of unexpected way? Lol

      That’s super cute trying new recipes! And I agree about alternating, it makes me feel better in the relationship to not be dependent on him and to show appreciation when I can

      Liked by 1 person

  6. In terms of online dating, I think meeting up is a more modern way of dating. What I mean by that is back in the day guys would pick a girl up and take her out – he’d do the driving. I do appreciate being picked up by a guy but I have definitely driven on a date myself. Either is cool. If the guy is driving, I like the old school walk around and open my door. It’s a great move. So is pumping the gas for a chick if she’s driving.

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  7. I think the rules of dating are entirely redundant nowadays. You mention the guy talking about other women. If I were you, that’s exactly what I’d want. I’d know not to go near him again after that. If he hadn’t said anything then I wouldn’t be getting the full story. Where dates are concerned, I want realism. I certainly don’t want clichés. If a woman is a bitch then I want to see her acting a bitch rather than feigning niceness and etiquette to lure me in. Unfortunately, I’ve been stung often by fake initial niceness. Rules mean a person not showing their true colours. Dispense with them. Let’s all be ourselves. That way we can sort the wheat from the chaff.

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    1. That’s true, I definitely knew not to go near him after that. But I would talk to a few different guys at the same time to see who i wanted to spend my time meeting, not because I was trying to play them all. So should I have been as honest as he was?

      If she’s a bitch the first time you meet her then maybe you get a wrong first impression though. Maybe she’s just a bitch when she feels she needs to stand up for herself but you would never describe her as being a bitch otherwise. I agree we should let our true selves show, I just think we’re all a bit more complicated than just bitch or not.

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      1. I was of course talking hypothetically in that context. I have met women who have displayed some bitchiness in the first instance, but it’s a case of gauging how and why they displayed it. In some cases it was unprovoked which led me to believe that such a streak would only become more prevalent the more comfortable she became around me. In other cases, it was a matter of sticking up for oneself and that’s absolutely justifiable. It’s a case of finding a good balance of positive and negative traits.

        I definitely stick to my principle of people nailing their colours to the mast from the off. Too many folk fake their true personality on a first meeting for whatever reason and that, to me, is deceitful irrespective of circumstances. Tell it like it is whether the other person likes it or not.

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