What’s it like Blogging about a Current Relationship You’re in?

Some people might think it’s kinda weird to tell a bunch of strangers your inner thoughts on such an intimate relationship. Others might be more open minded. I think in a lot of ways blogging helps my relationship. I’m able to sort out feelings, become self aware as I continue to reflect, and I think it helps keep the relationship honest.

What I mean by keeping the relationship honest is that we can’t really sweep issues under the rug when I’m analyzing them, debating various outcomes, and asking for advice on here. Boyfriend then, of course, reads these articles and depending on the situation perhaps learns where I’m coming from and any hidden anxieties that are contributing to an issue.

I may also be able to work out some personal hang ups by writing them out and saving us from a future disagreement. It’s important to be self aware and know what topics you’re sensitive about. I might be able to discover the true reason why I’m upset about something whether it’s because I was hurt before in a similar way or I was just deflecting  because I didn’t want to face the true issue (i.e. being mad at your girlfriend for always being late but you’re actually upset that she doesn’t value your time/effort).

It allows him insights he might normally not find in positive situations as well. It allows me to express my appreciation for him since I usually have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts. (I think I get romantic brownie points but let’s be honest, after the 30th poem I think the shine wears off) He may also learn things that help to ease his worries as well, ones that he might have been too nervous to tell me about or just have yet come up in the relationship.

Blogging about my current relationship is kind of like having a free relationship counselor.

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32 comments

  1. I’m technically married sans I recognize it isn’t the healthiest relationship, that being said I try and refrain from discussing it too much, because my perception would naturally skew it. But there are times I feel the need to release some tension and discuss things.

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  2. You two seem so civilized (i.e. he doesn’t get mad/ hurt about what he reads) and are able to both realize your shortcomings and work them out. Good for you.
    Now that I think about it, (I don’t know if that’s your style, or not, but…) communicating through writing defuses the bomb that would be a face to face argument. When you have something on your mind, you get angry, you blurt things out, you add some hurtful things and then the other person responds with more anger and hurt. Putting things into written words has a flattening effect. You lay out your feelings and he gets to read it on his own time. He can think about it and come back to you with a solution instead of anger.
    Not sure it made sense to you, but I swear it was all clear and neat in my head…

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    1. It’s funny because you talk about how we can communicate more calmly here but i think the reason he doesn’t get hurt if an issue shows up on here is because we’ve already talked about it privately. I try not to blindside him and i almost always have my blog lagging a few weeks behind my life so that an issue can be dealt with and THEN I’ll tell the whole internet about it lol. You make an excellent point about being able to write out feelings and having time to reflect and think about a response so that no one tosses out an emotional low blow. But is it unhealthy to only fight through text?

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      1. I keep forgetting that you do the whole “delay” thing.
        Most definitely, fighting through text has its drawbacks, because it can often be misunderstood and either void of real emotions or full of misunderstood ones.
        I guess there is a time and place for everything…

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      2. For me personally, the delay is super important. I need to have my thoughts figured out before i start getting outside options.
        That’s true, because it lacks the emotion you might think they don’t care as much or that you’re overreacting so text doesn’t always go right

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      3. Btw, are you aware of the fact that your avatar picture is missing? Was it always that way? It’s empty for me in the reader format, and on your page it’s just a default image. Just wanted to make sure you knew, because somehow I thought it was different before.

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  3. Totally agree! Blogging about my relationship certainly helps it but sometimes I do feel a little awkward to think that people I work with might read it or people I really don’t want knowing about my relationship. Sometime I find myself starting to put a filter on things because of that and because I want my relationship to come across in a certain way but that’s not good for the people who read it so I have to stop myself.

    itsnotmeitsyou.blog

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    1. Yeah i almost wish no one in my real life knew about my blog because it can sometimes stop me from saying certain things. And you’re totally right about the filtering, there was a character last year in my blog that was very unhealthy but i couldn’t let go of him yet and i didn’t want the judgement so I’d filter what i could. I can’t wait to read more of your blog, thanks for writing!

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  4. I agree! My boyfriend is very proud of my blog. We’re able to relive a lot of moments and see them from dfferent angles. It’s extremely helpful. And since we’ve chosen to remain anonymous, we never have an issue with honesty.

    Good piece!

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      1. It’s not something I really have to worry about. We are both so blunt and honest with each other, I rarely will write about something he doesnt already know.

        What does scare me is if I’ll ever write something that he’d want me to keep between us. Because we have anonymity, it’s not a HUGE deal, but it still worries me. He’s never complained, but I still try to be careful.

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  5. I think it’s great you can be so open about intimate topics like this with your readers. I think it’s even better that he can read what you say and not become immediately defensive as some guys can. Blogging is a great way for me to purge, however, I never really share things about me and my boyfriends disagreements, but that’s mainly because we usually resolve them while we’re having them so I am never as emotional about it or feel the need to purge after we have finished talking. But a safe place to let out your emotions and get advice from your readers is an awesome thing.

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    1. You’re absolutely right that some guys wouldn’t be able to handle this, i got lucky there. You make a good point! I could never publish the vulnerable parts or any insecurities/disagreements since they are solved weeks before i publish them but i don’t want readers to think there’s some perfect relationship out there that they need to chase. I want readers to realize how normal it is to have issues and doubts in a relationship and that doesn’t mean it’s all over. It’s like how Instagram shows the fun, loving perfect life and you wish your life was more like theirs. I don’t want to be unattainable, i want to be relatable ya know?

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      1. Yes! And that’s so important. You see ‘couples goals’ and then suddenly they break up and people are trippin cause they thought they were perfects and no relationship is perfect. That doesn’t exist. So it’s good to let people know your relationship is healthy which MEANS it’s not perfect.

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  6. Interesting. Has blogging about your relationship caused any tension? I wrote a blog post about our huge argument when we first visited IKEA and mentioned it to my husband he read it before I published and was really upset. I left it alone and came back to it and edited it and he was fine with it.

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    1. The only thing i can remember is him being concerned that i was still upset over something from a few weeks ago which is really only due to the fact that i schedule postings in advance and therefore my blog lags a few weeks behind my life. Was it helpful in the end though for him to know the truth about IKEA and for you to know he was upset and to revisit the memory later?

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      1. I bet your straightened that out though? Yeah he was fine in the end it made us talk about it and sort out the issue!

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      2. Yeah all i had to do was remind him that it was old and he was fine. And i appreciated that he cared enough to bring it up and was willing to flesh out the issue again. That’s a good end result for you as well i think! I wish the good articles could be reflected on more haha it would be nice to give as much attention to the good as the bad

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  7. I think that reflection and honesty is key, but at the same time, trying to find and happy balance with airing out too much dirty laundry. I think that making broader claims and viewpoints, while at the same time relating them to the problem at hand is a good way to try to reflect, while at the same time respecting your partner’s and your relationship’s intimacy and respect.

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  8. I’m am new to blogging in general, but my relationship is going down hill right not because of the lack of dialog, not to put the blame on him but he sometimes talk more than he listen so we butt heads a lot. So I figure since i cannot talk to him I will blog about it and get the opinion from stranger because I don’t want my friends to look at him negatively because of what we are going through……..
    Any advice?……

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    1. listening is definitely tough, a lot of the times you just want to respond or come to a result but that’s not always the answer which is hard for some people. and I completely agree about not wanting friends to view him poorly, its tough. I think it would be good to talk to him about communication when things are calm and there isn’t a storm brewing. tell him how you would like for him to respond in a time of need.

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  9. I had given up blogging, and upon entering a new relationship we of course both openly cyberstalked each other. She read my old blog and said she liked it, that I was good at blogging, so I picked it back up. I also mentioned that I previously had a poly-related blog but had apparently shut it down because I can’t find it anywhere. She said that she would really have liked to read that, but I couldn’t even find offline backups of it. So I asked her, “If I start that back up, a lot of it will probably be directly or indirectly about you. Would you be ok with that?” So far, so good… Although it does stop me from writing every angsty thought that passes through my head when I’m unhappy, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. It just forces me to process my thoughts before spilling them out to the world.

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