May Advice Column


My new SO’s ex won’t let go of their relationship and is butting into ours! How do I deal with this?!

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The same thing happened to me with my boyfriend! Over the course of a month she contacted on every single social media platform, it drove me nuts! First things first, you have to tell your new boo that you’re feeling this way. Make sure you guys get on the same page and understanding of comfort level. I’ll do a quick recap of my story and hopefully it will help you make some choices.

My boyfriend was always super honest and open about informing me when she contacted him. The first time or two while our relationship was super new, I was still trying to be the cool, laid back girl. I’m not that girl and we shouldn’t be made to feel the pressure to be that girl (link). The third time though, it needed to stop. I told him right away instead of harping on it and becoming irritated with him for not reading my mind. He instantly blocked her on all platforms that she had contacted him. A+ work right there and I hope your significant other does the same.

Being the crazy, insecure girl I was though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I then became paranoid that he might not have really blocked her or that as soon as I left he unblocked her. Eventually, I blew up, had to be shown proof, and calmed down. Don’t be like me! Lol

Depending on the type of ex, your significant other might be able to talk to them and make sure they leave the relationship alone. An ex may not really be aware of the new relationship/ how serious its getting. Or the ex could be from a very long term relationship in which they still have a friendship now.

You and your SO need to decide what’s best for your relationship and communicate the new boundaries with the ex. A healthy, respectful ex will make sure not to cause drama as they have probably also moved on from the old relationship.

Every time my boyfriend’s ex made contact, she would be making digs or insults at me. She was looking for a reaction to see if he still cared or perhaps to see how she measured up to me and I didn’t want her getting any satisfaction from the responses so in that situation I asked him to just ignore and block. A plan of action can vary depending on what type of situation you’re dealing with.

A Recap:

  • Communicate the issue you’re having.
  • Agree on the best way to deal with it.
  • Set boundaries with the ex.
  • Continue growing happy relationship with significant other


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