September Advice Column – Single Parent Dating! Part 1

I’ve been asking quite a few questions about dating as a single parent and I’d like to offer advice for readers in the same position. Unfortunately my lack of knowledge and personal experience made me feel that I wasn’t the right person for the job. So I’ve enlisted some blogger friends with first hand knowledge to answer your questions! Our male perspective is Dating Dad and Define Relationship is our woman’s perspective!

 

When do you introduce suitor to kids (before or after official ) (from Single Parent Network)

DD: It’s a tough one, as I’ve not actually done it yet! I’ve always told my kids that they are number one in my life, and that if there’s a serious problem between them and whomever I’m seeing that nothing will come between me and them. This puts tonnes of reassurance out there for my kids (which is useful as my ex is doing the opposite), but also puts a fair amount of pressure on those first few meetings!

I don’t plan on introducing anyone until I’m sure that the relationship has legs and I’m sure that who I’m seeing both understands the importance of meeting my kids as well as actually wants to meet them. I put less of a timeframe on it than others as there are so many variables, but we would have to be super solid first and ready to kick on to the next level. And I’m not talking about being willing to change our Facebook status to “in a relationship”.

I’ve got four kids, ranging in age from 5-13, and they all know I’m dating. We spoke about it early on – in fact, they actively encouraged it as they wanted me to find someone to help make me happy. My 13 year old has even bumped into me on the way to dates as she’s been on her way home from friend’s houses to her mothers.

That being said, I don’t really talk about it with them as I don’t want them to invest too much into anything. Until I’m in a relationship which I want to lead somewhere and think will lead somewhere I won’t even mention people’s names, simply that I went out somewhere nice or spoke to someone interesting.

 

DR: Depends on how comfortable I feel and if it’s going to last. I was with a guy for four months then introduced him to both my kids. We were official then but I would not if we were just dating. Although I was official with a guy for a year and never introduced him to them.

 

Should you tell your kids about every date – that you’re dating at all? (from Life in the USA)



DD: For this one I’d definitely spend some time building up to it. The kids need to know that this person is serious, and that they make you happy. If you’re happy then they are more likely to be too, so positive association is key.

I plan on doing this in a neutral place so there’s no sense of home or space invasion; it’s corny, but something like a funfair would be perfect. Lots to distract and occupy, and without any need to force conversation for very long.

Wherever it was done, it would need to be treated very carefully and with the kids at the heart of it all. Softly, softly would be the order of the day, with not too much overt smushy stuff between the two of you in order to reinforce that the new SO is never going to come between parents and kids.

 

DR: I don’t tell my children about every date I’m going on. I tell them where I am going and what time I will be back and I am out with a ‘friend.’

One comment

  1. I was briefly back in the dating game as a single mom a year ago. I wasn’t (always) bitter about either of us seeing anyone but we made an agreement that we would not just bring casual dates around our daughter. I didn’t want to introduce all these people into her life that likely wouldn’t be around for long. That said if one of us felt like a relationship might be going somwhere then they would FIRST meet the other spouse and then from there be introduced to our daughter. We also kept dates secret and referred to it as going out with friends.

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