She doesn’t want to meet up November Advice Column

Dear DD,

I met this awesome girl on a dating app, we talk everyday nearly all day. Problem is, whenever I bring up meeting in person she always has something else going on. It’s been three weeks already and I’m afraid to ask her again if she’s willing to go on a date with me.


Stuck online


Dear Stuck online,

I think 3 weeks is definitely on the stretch of waiting too long to meet up. The answer is Yes, move on. Sadly, this girl isn’t interested in you enough to meet up


Reasons she might not want to meet up:

She’s just not into you

She likes the attention and is stringing you along

She’s hung up on her ex / they’re back and forth on trying to work things out

She’s starting seeing someone else and is waiting to see if they’ll be exclusive soon


Whatever the reason, things aren’t going to work out and you might want some pointers on

How to Move on:


Get a Definite Answer

Unfortunately you have to suffer a little pain to get through it. You need a direct answer from her that she is not interested and you guys will not meet. If this doesn’t happen then you will always wonder if now is a better time for her. You need to be able to some fantasizing about a relationship you could have had. She needs to stop that in its tracks with a solid NO.


Make sure you’re not exclusively talking to her.

You need to take your mind off her and also unload all your eggs from her basket. Invest some effort into a few girls so you’re not so heartbroken when one doesn’t work out. One girl will make you realize how easy it is to start dating someone when they’re truly into you.


Refocus on work, a hobby, working out.

You need to untangle a bit from the online world and realize your value outside of relationships. Focus on you and bringing things back into your life that you enjoy. A happier you is a more attractive you! Your friends will be happy to see you off your phone and laughing with them.



  1. Yes, detaching from our innate passions of truly connecting with special people always makes us more…inhumane.
    Oh, how the convenience of hooking up like a moored boat of superficial values in the humid night reinforces theft of a time gone by and thus continues to superimpose itself over slow dance of true romance.
    Gee, I wonder if this girl in question hasn’t been burned badly from a quick fling then so advised by an expert to take a slower route to the love shack next time?


  2. The first thing I suspect, having been catfished myself and also reading a lot on the subject (there is an American TV series of the same name too), is that this girl has used fake or old pics. Maybe she knows that by meeting the letter writer she will be caught out? Maybe she is a lot bigger than her pics, or older? This is where my mind goes, but of course all the possibilities you suggest are also likely. Fish more broadly letter writer, and if someone won’t meet up within 2-3 weeks, they are not serious about meeting. Also, limit your text conversations radically – if you were to meet up, is there anything left to talk about?


    1. I completely forgot about the possibility of a catfish (great tv show btw lol), good thinking! And excellent point about not having anything to talk about in person. Texting could be great but the chemistry can be completely different in person.


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