Ghosting Made Easy

It’s October so obviously I have to talk about ghosting at some point this Halloween season!

In 2017 I wrote about instances where it actually might be better to ghost. Here we are two years later and I’m still thinking ghosting has its benefits. 

 

The thing is, we’re so used to ghosting now that we don’t even really know how to handle Not being ghosted by someone. Actually having direct communication with a date now seems confrontational. Ghosting is easy, it’s non confrontational, and it’s the cowards way. With this in mind, anything else is then seen as aggressive. 

 

In all honesty, many of us are too immature to handle an honest conversation in a reasonable manner. If you ghost someone you don’t have to hurt their feelings with rejection. When someone tells you they’re not interested in you, it’s hard to not take it personally. It’s easy to become defensive when you feel rejected or attacked. 

 

At least when you were ghosted, you could tell yourself whatever story you wanted to about that person and why they suddenly dropped off. Even when you’re not interested in someone, it’s annoying to hear that person say they’re not interested in you either.

 

When you tell someone directly that you’re not interested it usually ends up being some cliche of “Great meeting you but I don’t see us working out. Best of luck though”. Cliche break up lines tend to rub people the wrong way because they sound so well -rehearsed and fake. It’s stiff and distant, often making the receiving party feel uncomfortable.

 

If you’ve been in the dating game for a long time you’ve probably had loads of first dates. It can really become emotionally taxing to have this same conversation with every single suitor. You never really know how each individual will handle confrontation and rejection like that so it’s an emotion risk every time.

 

Maybe if we all ghosted less then having the ‘it just isn’t going to work’ conversation wouldn’t seem so aggressive and could be handled more amiably. But until then, being honest is an aggressive gamble.

 

11 comments

  1. Avoidance leads to problems when you do finally find someone. How do you ghost your husband/wife. How do you avoid the awkward conversations about relationships issues. Today’s easy dating practice is a recipe for future relationship disaster.

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  2. I’ve been ghosted by two long friendships which is somehow worse than someone you’ve dated. Neither wanted to talk about what happened. Since then I’ve become reluctant to trust forming new friendships or even having the kind of off-guarded weird, honest, funny, open conversations you have with dear friends. So, yeah, ghosting sucks no matter what kind of relationship it is. What lingers behind is so much worse than a sit down even as awkward and retching as that can be. Just be a decent person and woman/man up for God sake.

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    1. I could NOT agree more, Pat! Friends are fully equipped to take you down. They learn your vulnerabilities, sins, and quirks and have them readily available if things between you ever go array. Decency is certainly rare these days.

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  3. Being ghosted by a friend isn’t the same as a first, second or even third date. I don’t even bother going on a date unless I really feel some sort of a connection. Why waste time? Quality over quantity in dating is more important to me. I have met people who just seem to blindly go dates and then wonder why they’re not getting anywhere.

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  4. I’ve always been a person to say things straight to the person’s face; however, this year I’ve ghosted one acquaintance and one friend. The acquaintance just wasn’t my type of person and exhibited stalking tendencies— I simply didn’t care enough about her to have the ‘straight talk’. And with the friend, she had hurt me deeply in several ways, and I knew talking with her was going going to result in her twisting everything and shifting the blame— absolutely nothing would have been gained and I would have been left with more distress. It was hard at first to ghost, I felt some level of guilt, however, I realised my mental health was more important than their feelings. It’s been a fantastic and freeing experience— one that I would certainly do again! Confrontation is only worth it if some benefit will come of it, I think it’s best to way up in every situation if there will, in fact, be a benefit— if not, why would you bother??

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    1. When we know that someone is hurtful and lacks the empathy to admit how negatively they affect us, I completely agree that letting them go without a “talk” is the best route. There is nothing more torturing than trying to explain to someone how much they hurt us when they clearly don’t accept it as a reality nor repent from it.

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  5. I personally would rather be told that things aren’t going to work out (as that actually just happened to me 24 hours ago). It allows me to re-evaluate myself and to self-reflect, whereas when I have been ghosted I just think the other person is immature and I didn’t do anything wrong (even though I very well might be the one who made things uncomfortable). Obviously ghosting can happen for a variety of reasons, and I think in some cases where safety is concerned it might be viable.

    Otherwise, I think it makes people weaker to not have those hard conversations. Resiliency, perseverance and character are built through rejection, and those traits can be used in all situations, not just romantic or friend relationships. That’s just me though.

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  6. I can never ghost anyone. It’s 100% not in me. I’d try and find the most loving way to say whatever it is, and that always works well – except for obsessive types. But where there is insistence, even after I’ve explained why it won’t work out, I stop replying – which I don’t consider ghosting, but instead it is drawing a line with obsessive types.

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