When to Say No

I have been on quite a few dates over the years. There is a debate about when to say No to a date/guy. Should you say yes to every guy? Give a fair chance to everyone? Will it burn you out to always be saying Yes? When is the time to say No?

I mentioned before being nudged into a coffee date because I was being called out for judging this guy too quickly. I didn’t want to seem like a judgmental bitch to this stranger (why I would care is another post for another time) so I agreed to coffee. See, I knew I was right that this guy wasn’t a good match for me.

That doesn’t make him a bad person or me a better one. It bugged me that I couldn’t say No. Actually I had already said No! It was when I originally said No that he called me judgmental and it’s really quite difficult to say No twice.

So we get coffee and he wasn’t the guy for me. We didn’t have much in common, we didn’t have any chemistry, things he considered fun were things that sounded like my personal nightmare. We were just too different and there wasn’t anything pushing us to make it work anyway. And you shouldn’t have to try to make it work with every person you meet. You’re allowed to be picky. You’re allowed to have standards.

I gotta admit, this post isn’t really for any of you. It’s for me. I’m here to tell myself that it’s okay to say No. It’s okay to stick to your guns. It’s okay to say No as many times as you want! Whenever you want!You don’t want to go out on a date, don’t go. You like this guy but you don’t want to go back to his house yet, don’t. You went back to his house and the clothes are falling to the bedroom floor, You’re allowed to change your mind and say No.

No matter where you are in the relationship or in the moment, you have the freedom and the right to say No. You don’t owe him anything. But you do owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself. Be your own Advocate. Be your own strength.


  1. No is one of, if not thee most powerful word in human communication. It’s easy to say yes and give people what they want. That relieves the immediate stress/demands of human interaction. No requires a lot of self confidence, compassion, empathy and strength. “No” often not only nurtures you but it is mercy for the other person as it avoids unnecessary issues later on. Great post, thanks !


  2. Why is your comment space littered with ads?

    I know, this post was for you. But, apparently, it moved some passers-in-the-night to comment…including me! now.

    Isn’t this situation like a parent trying to get a kid to eat vegetables and try new activities? To get out of your comfort zone in case of adventure?

    Okay. You felt in your gut the need to say no, like a child who doesn’t want to even look at the cooked carrots Mom made. And, you discovered the carrots were bitter…this time. But, another batch of very tender, sweet carrots crosses your table setting. And, if you say no, you never know how nice that carrot was, because you’ve set yourself up to reject a possible good guy like so many reflexes.

    Whoever pushed you to chance the date is probably thinking as I am right now. They are not necessarily the nagging parent that gradually becomes a burden of forced love and acceptance as a member of the family you’ll probably only face on rare holidays. They tried to be an encouraging friend who wants you to spread your wings and fly, not soak your wings in a fryer and get eaten alive by some pig when your body and mind go to waste.

    No is a great way to save yourself from a fall. But, it’s also a reflex excuse to avoid responsibility and deflect cooperation. It’s the answer a lame boss would give me instead of meeting me halfway with a customer for the sake of improving customer relations and repeat business. Like everything…in moderation.

    Yes, I took the time to read and respond. No, I may not read everything. But, you stopped by my recent post, and I noticed. 😀


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