‘Getting Drinks’ is not a date

I’ve been on probably two non-date coffee dates. One time with Stubborn  in which I believe he was unsure about us and didn’t want to commit to an hour -long meal and a heftier bill. Ironically, that coffee lasted longer than nearly all of my dinner dates. The other coffee date was with some guy I didn’t want to see but he said I judged him too quickly and in order to not look like the bad guy, I agreed to coffee (he was as wrong for me as I originally thought).

When I choose that coffee date with the second guy, I wanted it to come off as noncommittal. I wanted to chug my hot cup in 25 minutes and call it a day no matter the taste bud burns. I didn’t want to be trapped waiting for the waiter to come back and take our meal order. I wanted an easy out.

I’ve also been on two “Let’s get drinks” non-date dates. Now I, personally, am not much of a drinker so the fact that these men suggested drinks means they don’t know me every well nor did they really care to. Those drinks also lasted the noncommittal hour and then they would ask, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” Yes. Yes, I did want to get out of here but sure as hell not with you!

Those were not a ‘let’s get to know each other’ drinks, they were ‘let’s see if you’re interesting enough to want to hook up with’ drinks. They didn’t want to waste time or money truly wooing me. They were lazily looking for something quick and fun. It was their way of ‘sampling the product’ without having to put in the proper amount of time and effort of a real date.

You might be wondering why I continue to call these dates ‘non-dates’ and that’s because the lack of commitment. Coffee or drinks is casual, quick, and easy. It’s kind of like if you just ‘hang out’ with a guy. You’re not really dating him if you’re never seen together in public.

If you really like someone, you probably won’t suggest coffee or drinks as the first option. You’ll be thinking “I really like this person and want to spend as much time with them as possible” and let’s face the facts, coffee just wouldn’t cut it.


  1. I would not want to be in the dating scene these days. Seems many people are still looking for themselves, rather than someone to share moments or life with. I have to laugh when I think of the first date with my wife of 43 years. I was working 18 hour days and did not have a date to the company Christmas party. My now father-in-law saw this and said he had a daughter at home who was not busy, give her a call. Now, I had already met this lady and talked to her, so this was not as creepy as it sounds. I phoned her and she politely declined. But, her pop asked ” What’s wrong with that girl” and phoned her back, at which point she had already regretted her No and said, Tell him to come pick me up. Less than 2 years later, we were married and we still laugh about that night. You never know where or when you will meet that special someone, you just have to be interested in someone other than yourself. Stay well.


  2. Although you make a good point, I disagree – if only because of the semantics. Anytime two people are alone together and there may be a romantic component involved, it’s a “date.” More telling is your attitude (and your assumption about his) going in – in your head, it wasn’t a real date, so it didn’t matter if you were getting drinks or walking around looking at Xmas lights or bowling for an hour.


  3. I’ve had convos with my friends about this. The late 20s to early 30s like these first meeting coffee non dates while older and traditional me and another friend (late 30s and late 40s) prefer a dinner.

    It’s easier to meet more people with the noncommittal coffee hangouts which is the wrong way to go about being exclusive.

    I do totally agree with you that if you’re not seen in public with the guy, then you guys aren’t dating. Wait, sounds like my situation. Can we just blame covid?


  4. Great post! Yes, coffee or drinks is a non-date, but sometimes it’s better to just have a “look-see” before a date? Sort of like a sample at the grocery store. Come have a taste? A good “getting to know you better” opportunity with less at stake and stress. The coffee “get together” I had with my wife of over 20 years ended up being two hours, then dinner, a walk around Old Town while we waited for the next showing of Titanic and ended with an invitation for dinner the next day at her house – That was the arranged Date after coffee turned into a date on it’s own!! Shouldn’t exclude a way of getting to “Know” someone, even if it’s for coffee or drinks! Just Me.
    xoxo 😘💕😊🌹✨


  5. It is very annoying to me, when someone suggests something that is obviously something I do not do-such as drink. It shows they do not know me at all and that is one of the biggest turn offs I know.


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