I have been on quite a few dates over the years. There is a debate about when to say No to a date/guy. Should you say yes to every guy? Give a fair chance to everyone? Will it burn you out to always be saying Yes? When is the time to say No?
I mentioned before being nudged into a coffee date because I was being called out for judging this guy too quickly. I didn’t want to seem like a judgmental bitch to this stranger (why I would care is another post for another time) so I agreed to coffee. See, I knew I was right that this guy wasn’t a good match for me. That doesn’t make him a bad person or me a better one. It bugged me that I couldn’t say No. Actually I had already said No! It was when I originally said No that he called me judgmental and it’s really quite difficult to say No twice.
So we get coffee and he wasn’t the guy for me. We didn’t have much in common, we didn’t have any chemistry, things he considered fun were things that sounded like my personal nightmare. We were just too different and there wasn’t anything pushing us to make it work anyway. And you shouldn’t have to try to make it work with every person you meet. You’re allowed to be picky. You’re allowed to have standards.
I gotta admit, this post isn’t really for any of you. It’s for me. I’m here to tell myself that it’s okay to say No. It’s okay to stick to your guns. It’s okay to say No as many times as you want! Whenever you want!
You don’t want to go out on a date, don’t go. You like this guy but you don’t want to go back to his house yet, don’t. You went back to his house and the clothes are falling to the bedroom floor, You’re allowed to change your mind and say No. No matter where you are in the relationship or in the moment, you have the freedom and the right to say No. You don’t owe him anything. But you do owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself. Be your own Advocate. Be your own strength.
You are right, you have the right to say no. I’m happy to know you, because of your strength and your attitude towards dating. You are control of your body, your body belongs to you; anyone saying different is toxic. Good on you, I loved this post!
Absolutely! I am trying to practice to say no. Everyone thinks it’s so bitchy to say no so now I say,”no thank you!”
Mm, interesting post.
I’m curious to get more perspective about what this is like for the female though. I think I’m possibly much more comfortable being single than most people and so there isn’t much pressuring me to be in continual contact with someone I know I don’t like a lot.
I’m curious to get some first-hand perspective though:
What generally makes you feel pressured to oblige requests you’re not completely comfortable with?
This is an important topic to write about. An ongoing one, that has been a troublesome issue forever, and always may be.
Everyone owns their own body, and has the right to say what can be done to it. No should be the word that prevents a sexual encounter, no matter how keen the other person is for the act to take place.
No means no.
If I may ask, how exactly did you communicate your lack of interest to him?
Couldn’t agree more! There’s nothing impolite about saying the word no which is where I feel a lot of hold back so as not to cause offence or hurt. The impoliteness is in the delivery of saying no.
I love this: “You’re allowed to have standards”