September Throwback – smoke, pills, and alcohol

Always told you can never do anything right

so you smoke until everything feels light.

You self sabotage with pills and alcohol

afraid you’ll prove him right and fall.

Forgetting everything else in that brilliant mind

because his hatred has made you go blind.

You self medicate with pills and alcohol

numbing the pain so you can finally sleep instead of bawl.

scared if you see your dad, you’ll lose control and brawl.


  1. To read this is to weep spiritual tears. I suppose I did that to hold it all together and I put my real feelings in some kind of holding pen for later. When did I imagine that would be? I am seventy and only recently saw my holding pen and have operated on my now feelings since. I had children – defence – but my children paid for my holding pen. To all young women, do not get hooked on lovers who accuse you of all and everything. The accuser in the Bible is Satan and he has only one objective to lie and steal your heart and soul from God. Don’t let him win. I was lucky. I got discarded and I am free and happy now. Okay. Also alone, but I am free and happy and I member gave up one inch of my soul. I pray this is a poem and not actually your story, but if it is, grab God’s hand and hold on fir dear life. Love and Light.


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