December Throwback – 2017 Q&A

Hey Guys, I had a lot of fun with this! Thanks for the questions and I hope you enjoy getting to know a little bit more about me!

How did you get into poetry?

I actually started when I was maybe 12 or so? I don’t know how, I just remember writing during class and hiding it from friends looking over my shoulder. I’ve tried to stop writing a few times but it’s just a passion that has a mind of its own. I ended up reading an original poem in front of my freshmen class, then submitted poems for the High School literacy magazine (which I didn’t tell anyone about beforehand), and then took two college courses on poetry. It was that last poetry class that I finally thought I may actually be kinda good at it.

What’s the best compliment you ever received ? Bexoxoblog

Wow this is an amazing question and like super difficult to answer hah. For my personality, I’ve been called genuine before which I appreciate people noticing because I value honesty so highly. The other type of compliment I consider great is when people compliment my work and creativity. My poetry is a very vulnerable insight to me so any compliments on it hit deep. And being in a class with other poets and receiving their praise was really surreal.

Which dating app do you like the best?

I think any dating app can be what you make it. You can look for causal fun on Okcupid/match and you can find a serious relationship on Tinder.  In fact, I know an engaged couple that met on Tinder. But for now I’m finding the best quality to be on Bumble. If we looked at stats though, I found 3 of my guys from Okcupid and the other from Tinder.

What’s your writing process?

Some posts come very easily, so fast my fingers can barely keep up. Those are the best kind of posts. The other kind take much longer, sometimes sit half way done for a month or longer till I can come back to it with more material. Either way, I schedule my posts 4-6 weeks after they have happened in my life. It’s interesting to see how things change. For example, I wrote Consequences a week or so before He’s Different was even published. So I knew the harsh ending and yet felt like I should still share the hopeful beginning.

Favorite season and why? Kirascribbled

My favorite season is Spring! It’s just after the cold, dark winter and it really just lifts your mood to have the sun on your face. You appreciate the warmth so much and everything is blooming. It also usually meant school was nearly over and summer was on it’s way, so that was another plus growing up.

Why do you like to blog?

For starters, its cool to get more and more followers and have random people from my life tell me they read my blog and compliment it. Second, I share my inner thoughts in order to help someone else feel more normal, less alone, and to connect. So getting comments from you guys and hearing how much you relate really makes it all worth it (Even if it is embarrassing when my dad starts quoting break up posts at the dinner table)!

For the guys that are in your blog, how do they feel about it?

HAHAHAH I knew this question was coming. So Mr Right knows about the blog and has read it. I think he liked it and perhaps it cleared some things up for him? Plus he’s an amazing guy and I think I wrote about him positively so, I think he’s okay with it..? (Also ladies, he’s still single so hmu!)

I told Stubborn I had a blog, but I don’t think I told him he was in it. He never asked about it nor mentioned that he read it so I really have no idea. His friend might have read some of it? It would probably be for the best if he doesn’t read it since I only really complain about the issues I had with him..(He obviously has some positive qualities, things are never so black and white-they just don’t make it into the posts much, Sorry Pal).

And since Different is most recent (although short lived), I’ll mention him. He read the blog and even read his first article before it was published and before things ended between us. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get me to take it down and he also thought it was really sweet. I learned that he’s super private though (actually the reason he ended things kinda) so I’m sure he’s not thrilled with it and I bet he would like to offer his side of things to how it all ended (if he ends up reading it..).

The way I view these guys is not reality, its just my version of reality. I am one person but I bet they would all view me differently than one another so I cannot define their personalities, just as they can’t define me. And I try to keep a level of anonymity for them.

What’s the most important thing in maintaining a healthy relationship? TheOriginalPhoenix

I love getting asked relationship advice from friends because of the irony haha. But the first thing that instantly came to mind was Communication, and then more Communication! You need to tell your partner things you like and dislike, your future goals, and your values. Issues will certainly not go away by ignoring them (Biggest lesson Stubborn needs to start learning) and not telling your partner how your feeling is a sure way of getting hurt.

The second thing that came to mind was Respect. Respect for each other, for personal growth and space, and for each other’s compromises. It’s important to maintain your individuality which means you won’t always agree on everything. Even during these times, its important to remain honest and talk through issues so that successful compromises can occur and the relationship can maintain a healthy balance.

What’s your favorite poem and article on your blog so far?

I mean I can’t pick just one… So I’ll try to do a top 3

Poems:

Love the Artist not the Art -Half this poem sat around for months before I found a place for it and it turned out beautifully.

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil -I just thought I was clever with this one lol.

When the Salmon Rots -This one I wrote in college, we had to speak to all 5 senses and I was just impressed with how well it flowed.

Posts:

Step Up or Step Away – I like how this ended up being a message of strength and control, how you have the ability to step away from a relationship/situation that isn’t deserving of you.

Am I Single or Not? – Majority of my article have a theme, I start talking about a relationship with a guy and end up talking about how the issues are rooted by the relationship I have with myself. I think it’s a great lesson, key to self awareness, and this article is a good example of that.

(I can’t pick a third, feel free to leave your favorite in the comments!)

Are you currently seeing anyone?

HAH, I’ll say this, no one worth writing about just yet..

Thank you for the questions and taking the time to read my responses, this was fun! I appreciate all of my followers and their comments ❤

My Youtube Channel

One of these rainy April days take a look at my Youtube Channel!!

It’s been fun looking back on previous months in a vlog type format and Youtube has been a great activity in quarantine !! I recommend everyone getting more involved as a hobby!

6 Best Steps To Promote Your Book Online – Hayley Zelda

It’s not easy to promote your book online. It can be overwhelming, too! But no matter what kind of online book promotion you’re hoping to do, whether it’s Facebook ads or Instagram or Pinterest, the first step is to identify your goals and create a plan to achieve those goals. The best part is, you can get started right now, without any outside help, just by following the six steps below.

1. Blogging

Blogging is the fastest, easiest and best way to learn about how to promote your book online. While still starting a new blog yourself on hosting sites like Tumblr, you can and should read as many other blogs by authors as you can, and see how they’re doing it. If you think of all blogging as writing, rather than just posting blog posts, you free yourself to write about a wide variety of topics, which will help you learn more about yourself and the process you’re using to tell your book’s story as the author.

Identify a number of specific blog concepts with which you’d like to engage, and then commit to posting to these at least two times per week. Think of these blogs as your day jobs, and of yourself as a full-time blogger. Make sure to keep your blog up-to-date, particularly if you are anxious about your next book. Even if you still mostly write books, reading blogs is a great alternative to watching TV for longer chunks of time.

2. Social media

Even if you choose to ignore the kinds of online word of mouth promotions you can get by joining groups and groups of writers and doling out free copies of your book, social media is a necessary tool. It is very hard to find success in online word of mouth promotions without a solid social media presence. You want to immediately start socializing with friends and family and acquaintances when your book first comes out, so that you already have a base of people who will speak about you online as soon as you go live. But don’t focus all your efforts there. Moving forward, you’ll want to try to expand your reach with new followers whenever possible. Try tweeting regularly about interesting facts in your universe, or posting excerpts and samples for your readers on Wattpad. Sometimes, these promoted posts can get a huge amount of engagement because of their topical and timely nature, allowing you to build an audience beyond those who know you personally.

By the same token, do not fall into the temptation of building a social media presence by endorsing products you did not find useful. Many people make this mistake once they realize how many followers they can gain by saying nice things about products — they offer to do so, and then never use that product again. Even worse? That product might be inflating their reviews on Amazon. So if there’s a product that you’d like to promote related to your book, you need to decide if it’s actually something you’re going to use yourself, or if you’re just trying to pick up a few more followers.

3. Top ten lists

You may not remember it, but there was a brief period where lists made a big comeback. What was once a sidebar in magazines was suddenly the most exciting thing you could potentially want to read. Buzzfeed and other sites began producing listicles, or top ten lists about everything under the sun. The popularity of these lists drew a lot of attention, but more importantly, it sparked the interest of advertisers and savvy tech folks. Those lists represented hits on a large share of a particular site’s traffic, and so the reader’s attention was valuable. Today, after a flurry of refinements, lists still remain a great way to get in front of many eyeballs at once, particularly on sites that have a strong target demographic that matches yours, like Wired For Youth. Lists can also play into the popularity of certain mobile apps, too. The list can be your book, in the middle of a list of a broader topic.

Start writing a listicle about your book to promote it, even in the early stages, so you can see the kind of action it generates. This will give you a gauge on how people might respond to a book purchase. To do that, research your target demographic first, just like you did when you wanted to know how to market a book. Once you think you’re targeting a listicle that those people would potentially like to stay updated on, try using it to promote your book. Take note of how many people click through to where you can buy the book. That’s the number you’ll want at the threshold, and you can open that promotion along with several other promotions at the same time. They may have similar demographics, simply because it’s hard to be as specific online. For example, your book might have readers who also like Kendall Jenner — all the followers and subscribers to her social media accounts could also find your book interesting. You just have to test to see if that’s the case, and if something similar comes up a lot, you’ve found your target market. This way, you can make the extremely scientific decisions that could mean good business for you.

4. Offer special content

Social media can be your friend — but you need to be clear in your mission before you can be good at it. For example, if your goal is to use the content you post as an artful form of advertising, hanging pretty pictures on a bare blog is not going to cut it. If your goal is to build a relationship with your readers, neither will constant self-promotion. The key, above all else, is being intentional about how you use social media. It all starts with your plan. Decide what you want to accomplish and set a goal. Remember, it’s all about getting new readers, and possibly keeping them, so your first priority is to persistently and reliably deliver interesting content on your niche.

If your plan is organized, it becomes easy for you to see right away what you should be posting. For example, if you’re blogging, you can go ahead and tweet the direct link, so that readers can be reminded to check out your content. If you’re posting short stories on Commaful, engage with your following and make sure to update consistently. You could also post the link to your personal Facebook, Twitter, or even Pinterest account, so you can post new updates with ease. If you apply the universal stress reduction principle of making things easier and simpler, your social media posting will not be as challenging and intimidating, and it will be easier for you to be consistent in meeting your goals.

5. Forums

Forums are, even today, a great place to find an audience for your book. And forums have made their way into the modern world in the shape of blogging and Tumblr and Goodreads’ forums. Unlike some specific sites, forums are community-oriented, which means the threads are often much longer and the tone of the conversation much more freewheeling. These are all great things. The majority of forum users visit sites like Reddit or Quora to learn about new things, so if you can create a great content piece for the site, it quickly picks up traffic and attention.

Reddit provides you with an especially prompt incentive to continue to create content. Their “karma” system pushes members to both create and vote on content that has already been produced in order to rank and grow, so that they can ascend to the higher ranks of the community, where they’ll have bigger direct influence and reach over time. On Reddit, you don’t just have to one-time-write a successful post and then leave. You will have to go back over and over consistently in order to keep your account active. Also, be prepared for some back-and-forth conversation with your fans — and be honest and transparent about the writing process when they ask you about it! Redditors can be very inquisitive and sometimes a bit challenging in the advice they offer. But if you can develop a relationship with them over time, you have a vast and responsive audience at your fingertips.

6. Host an AMA on Reddit

The term “Ask Me Anything” has become social media clickbait shorthand. But behind the meme is the opportunity for an author to open up his or her book to the questions of an entire online community. No matter how successful your career has been, hosting an AMA will open you up to a whole new audience, while conferring authenticity and integrity. If you read through the questions on any one AMA, you can see how simple the questions are that fans ask and expect genuine, thoughtful responses. Just be sure not to treat a Reddit AMA like a press conference — give honest answers to the questions you’re asked. AMA threads often end up in the first few pages of Reddit, meaning you’ll still reach your intended audience after the buzz from the AMA dies down.

AMAs are also a great way to discover connections with other authors or with other people in your field. Potential connections are why you do social media in the first place, and there’s no reason not to capitalize on those connections when you have the opportunity — so don’t forget to follow up with other authors or people you’ve met on your AMA afterward, through Twitter, email, or Tumblr. You can cross-promote your new connections both through this medium, and practically — if you find another author in your genre you think might be a good fit for an event, suggest it to him, and see if they’ll dig up some kind of promo code for you.

Ultimately, it comes down to thinking critically about what your book is about, where the audience you want to attract with your book promotion will hang out, and what you want to do with whatever traffic or attention your book promotion brings in. Fortunately, there is no one right answer. What kind of promotion works for you depends on the type of book you’ve written, the method of promotion you’re doing, and even the phase that your book is in — pre publishing, publish and post, or seasoned. Give it a go and see what works for you!

Author Bio: Hayley Zelda is a writer and marketer at heart. She’s written on all the major writing platforms and worked with a number of self-published authors on marketing books to the YA audience.

Throwback Series – January

This post was just 3 weeks after I started this blog! What a ways we have come!

2021 Blog Series

It’s 2021 and I hope everyone stays healthy and happy this year! Later this year DD will be 5!! We’re going to take the time to look back on our first year in this series.

It will be interesting to see how much has changed over the past 5 years and how much the blog has grown!

DD is 4 years old!

Debatably Dateable is 4 years old! My oh my, how big she’s grown! I can’t believe this blog is 4 years old today! 

If I’m honest, I did not put much effort into my blog this year. I go through waves of inspiration and droughts, and I’ve had an extremely long drought this year. Fall 2019 I was doing great with my queue and I think that honestly held me through. When the summer started I did start to work on new content. But I haven’t really been active on here and the stats really show from July 2019 5,003 to this July (just last month). 

6,000 !

I am proud that DD has over 6,000 followers, I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time to read the thoughts and feelings I share. I hope my honesty has helped some of you feel connected to something outside of yourself. I’m also proud to stay that I’ve posted 700 articles/poems over these 4 years and I’ve loved exploring so many topics with all of you!

 

She’s helped me launch 3 poetry collections now and I’m so thankful to have WordPress as a platform to share my work with all of you!

Purchase any of my books on amazon here!

I’m on Youtube!

It seems there’s no better time than quarantine to start a Youtube channel! It’s something casual I’m doing just for fun, I don’t expect to frequently post and when quarantine ends, I might not have time for it anymore.

It’s a new platform for me and I’m not used to being in front of the camera so its an adjustment for me. I’m happy to push out of my comfort zone though and work on my confidence. I hope to stick with this project for a bit and provide some entertaining content!

So check out my channel and let me know what you think!

March Playlist – Newly Single

If you’re Newly Single, I’m here for you girl!! It’s time to hit the bar and break some hearts!! Let’s jam out!!! (click on the years to be taken to the music videos!)

 

1.Miss Me More (2017)

Kelsea Ballerini sings about the changes she made to make her boyfriend happy in their relationship. She’s facing the fears and worries she had about being single again. She’s remembering dreams and happy memories of the person she used to be. She realizes she’s happier on her own and the new freedom she has.

 

2.Buy my own Drinks (2019)  

Runaway June This songs starts out with Runaway June being recently single and going out to the bar by herself. Post break up, its good to stay busy and not hide yourself away in your room. This song is about finding your independence again and not needing a man for any of the things you might find them doing during a night out. In the end, she knows she doesn’t need anyone else, she can take care of herself. 

 

3.Do Better (2018)  

Lil Donald This song is all about finally not being sad anymore about a break up. You’re feeling better, you’re looking better and you’re remembering that you deserve better than your past relationship. You realize that he’s not treating you right and you deserve someone loyal and faithful. You deserve a real man who will show you how much he appreciates you.

 

4.Feeling Good as Hell (2016)  

Lizzo is here to pick you back up and dry your tears. She’s reminding you that you’re looking good and should be feeling even better. This relationship has been getting you down and it’s time to leave that behind so you can go back to being the Boss of your life. He’s no longer draining your energy, you can focus on yourself and achieve all your goals. 

 

5.Don’t start now (2019)  

Dua Lipa is letting us know how quickly she recovered from a break up. It seems like maybe he was the one to initiate the break up and thought she might be brokenhearted for longer. But she’s already putting herself out there and meeting new people and if he doesn’t want to see her out here living life then he should stay home. I really enjoy this little jab she gets in during the chorus ‘walk away, you know how’. She’s already moved on and he doesn’t need to concern himself with where she is now.

 

News on my Third Collection

I had been modeling my previous collection formats by very excellent, well known Poets published by big name companies. As a new, small time, self published poet, that’s really not the best idea! Big publishers want more material from their poets, that’s not necessarily what the readers want. The industry is focused on markets and money. That’s not where my focus should be.

I ran a poll on Twitter and changed things up!

So my third collection started off about 170+ pages and I’m now working towards getting it under 100 if I can. The idea now is to really split the collection into 2 different books. I’ve done some crazy editing to cut the book down.

With this new concept, I’ll be reconfiguring my title and cover as well as sequence of the poems. In short, this third collection is getting a massive remodel, which right now is mainly tearing down the old walls till we’re down to the studs. I’m not worried about my third release date so this construction schedule suits me just fine.

We may have another collection this summer! More updates to come!

Where I Ache 6 months old!

Where I Ache is 6 months old and I wanted to thank everyone on here, in the Poetry community, and the book blogger community for showing this project the love and support you all have!

At the end of the month, I’ll update everyone on my next project coming down the pipeline, until then check out these reviews and consider purchasing Where I Ache yourself on Amazon!

 

Some reviews from Goodreads, read them in full here

January Playlist – Cheating

We have the first playlist of the 2020 series! I’m hitting the ground running here because January we’re talking about Cheating! (youtube links of the songs included!)

 

1.Thru your phone – Cardi b

Released in 2018 in Cardi B’s debut album Invasion to Privacy. This is a song for when you just found the proof of the lies and cheating you’d been suspicious of. The anger you feel for your partner taking you for granted and not appreciating the love and relationship you two have. The chorus then mixes in that soft pain of your heart breaking realizing your relationship is forever changed. This song takes place in the night when your partner is still asleep and you’re all alone in this heartache and betrayal.

 

2. Say My Name – Destiny’s Child

This song is featured on Destiny’s Child’s second album The Writings on the Wall released in 1999. This song was a total bop while I was growing up. It focuses on the first time you’re noticing your partner is acting different. They’re not being as open and affectionate as they normally are and you’re beginning to wonder if it’s because they’re with someone else. You don’t like this shady behavior and you want them to be honest.

 

3. The Thunder Rolls – Garth Brooks 

Released in 1991 on Garth’s No Fences album, this song parallels a storm in town with the storm brewing in the relationship. She hopes it’s the storm in town that is keeping him out so late but when he does return home, it’s the storm in her heart that tells her he was out with someone else.

 

4. I’m Not the Only One – Sam Smith

Released 2014, In the Lonely Hour album, Sam Smith really knows how to make your heart want to break down and cry. I’m glad these lyrics mention the crazy aspect. When you start to suspect betrayal, you analyze all the conversations and actions differently. In order to try to throw you off their trail, a cheating partner will call you crazy and make you feel guilty. 

 

5. Wasn’t Me – Shaggy

From the 2000 Hot Shot album, this song was a hit with it’s reggae flair. This is from the perspective of the cheater getting caught in the act. Shaggy includes many details of the character’s cheating and the song includes a friend’s advice to deny it all! In the end, he wants to apologize to his girl and thinks his friend is a player. But once a cheater always a cheater?

 

6. Irreplaceable- Beyonce

I know Beyonce was also in Destiny’s Child, already featured on this list, but this single remained at the top of the US Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for 10 weeks! The song starts as a guy is getting kicked out of the house and packing up all his things, which are to the left in the closet. Through the song we gather that a guy took his partner for granted, stepped out on her, and never thought she could find someone like him again. She’s savage though, as her next guy will be there in a minute.   

 

7. I Hope – Gabby Barrett

American Idol alumni, Gabby releases this hit in July 2019. The song starts with off wishing a couple well on finding true love. But this song finishes off our Cheating Playlist so we know that can’t be the end of the story! I love songs with a great twist and this one will have the happily married belting out these lyrics like they know this heartbreak first- hand. 

 

Poetry Book Mini Reviews

 

From My Years – Jamey Boelhower

 

This collection touches on reminiscing on past loves and past lives. A reader gets a melancholy feeling of childhood, school days, and relationships with parents. I really enjoyed the heartache and yearning of the past. This poet has great descriptions of the scenery in his poems. I really enjoy the writing style of repetition and line placement, I’d definitely read more collections from this poet. Some favorites in From My Years include Left at Home, Morning Memory, and Hate is a Loan Shark.

 

 

Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe: Unveiled – Vontress Ortega

 

You can absolutely feel all the anger, betrayal and determination coming off the pages in this collection. This collection is right up my alley with its writing style, I loved it! Vontress touched on so many topics that are personal for me involving relationships, self love, and current society. This collection felt very cathartic and I really enjoyed going through that emotional journey with the speaker. I would recommend this collection to just about every girl friend of mine.