When I Leave

My memories were tinted from love

but now I’m realizing you’re just somebody I barely knew

so it doesn’t hurt that much to think about you

I finally figured out life has more to offer me

than you never giving me the time of day

you’ll be crying because you know it’s true

that you’re losing everything

while I’m only losing you

 

When I leave you’ll finally be off my mind

cause when I leave I’m leaving your heart behind

for all the hurt you did to me, it better hurt to miss me when I leave

 

-Jan 2013

PC

Don’t Worry You’re Not as Desperate as You Think (or What I’m Choosing to Believe)

I keep thinking that it might be time to take a break from dating, that the guys must smell the desperation reeking off of me.

I’m looking for a real relationship with a smart, kind man. One with ambition but knows how to relax. One that is also looking for a relationship and willing to show me that effort.

This is apparently a tall order to fill. I am beginning to think I’m asking too much or I’m looking too hard for love.

For one, I don’t think love finds you when you stop looking for it. You have to be open for love but it can’t become your obsession. As long as you maintain your identity by hanging with friends and following your hobbies while dating then you should be able to look for love and find it.

Secondly, I don’t think I’m asking too much of potential suitors, but perhaps I am asking the wrong ones. Dating Apps are becoming notoriously known for casual dating and just a way to pass the time. So finding someone who is looking to really commit has become more than half the battle.

So No, I’m not desperate because I’m looking for something real and long lasting. I just need to start looking in more places and take breaks when the constant left down starts to make dating less fun.

The Type of Girl

She’s the type of girl you still think about six months later

after she’s fought for you

after you cancel on her for the fifth time

after you’ve taken her for granted.

when you can’t find anyone else who wants to take care of you

when no one cares to hear about that song you dance to in the car

when you can’t find anyone else to stand up as your advocate as you tear yourself down.

She’s the type of girl you never thought would leave

so you treated her that way and funny enough that’s the reason she left.

And now your sorry ass can’t stop thinking of way to get her back.

 

The Dating Curse

I think most daters consider themselves cursed in someway, whether it’s the fact they have so many first dates and rarely make it to the second or they say the conversation of moving in together always ends in breaking things off.

I, myself, am cursed.

Every time I start liking a guy and decide it’s time to delete my dating apps because I’m barely even on them anymore is about the same time that we stop talking. It usually happens within the same week, as if they sense it! With Different it happened just hours later! Am I really bad at reading people’s emotions or is this just bad coincidence?

Maybe they notice a shift, like I’m closing the distance, like this could be turning into something real. If that’s the case then I don’t plan on changing my curse, just the guy.

The issue with curses is that sometimes you fear them coming so much that you wish them into reality. You could get that second date if you stop worrying about what’s wrong with each guy on the first date. And of course having a curse is a good way to place blame. Why does dating keep not working out? It’s the curses fault, if I wasn’t cursed this wouldn’t happen!

If something you don’t like keeps happening, its unfortunately not a curse, but a bad habit. Behavior has to change in order to lift ‘the curse’. There’s no Prince Charming that slayed dragons and saved you from your curse. It was you, your self awareness, and your effort to improve.