How to Make Sure You Won’t get Played

For those out on dating apps there usually comes a question fairly early on that’s “so what are you looking for on here”. It’s a bit tough since you’ve only been chatting a few days and things have been going well enough. You don’t want to say the wrong thing but it’s also dangerous to not be honest.

I always think it’s a bit of a gamble to show my cards first since I have faith in only my ability to be honest even if we end up wanting different things. I’m one of those (perhaps rare) users that is using dating apps to look for a legitimate connection where we both end up deleting the app and getting serious.

In most cases when we end up wanting different things, he has a hard time being direct with me. Instead it’s a “I’m open to where it takes me” or “spending time with someone would be nice”. I’m not sure if he’s trying to trick himself or just me. But eventually he opens up a bit more and says “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now”.

hart really blog

Really, you don’t say…

I’m not mad that he wants something different, I’m frustrated that he couldn’t be more up front about it. I’m mad he tried stringing me along for a little while he was figuring out what he wanted. I’m upset he didn’t respect my needs and instead was hoping I’d change my mind, that I would find him so irresistible that I just had to jump his bones.


In his defense for not being honest right away he might say “but you wouldn’t have given me a chance otherwise”. I’d totally admit that he’s right. I don’t see the point in continuing to talk and getting close if it’s never going to go off line. The thing is, if you’re not looking to put in the effort for a relationship why are you putting in all this extra effort trying to convince me that hanging out with you casually will be “fun and worth it”.

So why don’t we just be honest from the start from now on?









Your Replacement

You could be at a bar, a pizza shop, or in the comfort of your own home. The image will take you by surprise even if you’re safely behind a screen. It’s the first time you see your ex with the new girl. There’s mostly two different camps for the type of emotions that occur upon this sight.

The first camp loathes their ex. They could not get rid of you fast enough! If you very deeply loved someone though, those feelings don’t just go away instantly. So instead they start to hate you with the fire of a thousand suns. They see you with someone new and they think “Thank God he’s not my problem anymore!” These would be the same girls to talk about how ugly her dress is and how her eyebrows are too far apart. Clearly, they’re totally over you..

In the second camp are relationships that ended rather amicably. No hard feelings, it just ended up being a bad fit for one another. You’re happy they found someone better suited for them. You’re hopeful to find the same for yourself with just a little twitch of pain that he found new love before you. But you don’t let yourself get too down because if a guy as great as him loved you then someone else will too.


I lied, there’s totally a third camp, it’s the girl who’s still in love with you and her heart shatters into a hundred more pieces as she realizes it truly is over. No one likes to be in that camp. But it’s an honest camp and the scar heals better here than the loathing camp.

Either way, it hurts but you know it was for the best that things ended.