The Break Up Journal: The last day (part I)

Get started on this two part heartfelt post!

Girl Rebuilt

October 9 (Thursday morning) So, I talked to my mother early yesterday and she was just going to go into work. I said to her, you know what, I want to go to the hospital to see Uncle D. She said, “would you like me to go too?” I said yes. Then I said, “Let’s get Mikie and Tim too.” And so, in the early afternoon as my mom and I waited for our little family to gather together so we could all go visit Uncle D, my aunt called. “That’s it,” she said. “He’s passed.

Once my brothers arrived we were all in tears. We decided to collectively go to the hospital anyway. Sometimes it’s just better to keep moving. When we arrived there was no one. The room was already being sanitized. Ready for the next sick and dying human. Ready for the next grieving family. In a…

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Dear Lovely: Fear of Commitment

Girl Rebuilt

Got a question? Need advice? Ask Lovely @ girlrebuilt@gmail.com

I get many letters every month asking for my personal advice. I thought I’d start sharing them.  Disclaimer:  I’m not a therapist. I have no professional titles. But I do have one thing a lot of pros don’t. At least 10,000 hours devoted to really bad relationships that I somehow learned to stop having. 

Dear Lovely,

This has been so hard for me. I don’t want to break up, but should I? That is my question. I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now and he says he wants to marry me and loves me, etc. But, I suffer from a severe fear of commitment. We talk about this all the time and we are trying to work through it together. We had this fast and furious love affair in the beginning and all was super good. Flowers…

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Dating: do you have too many rules?

Good morning Project LoveFest! This is an amazing read! There’s a lot of good advice in here I definitely agree with!

Girl Rebuilt

Dating is such an enormous challenge for people coming out of bad, toxic relationships.  We get signals crossed, often don’t pick up on subtle clues and, because we’re still a little flinchy, we try desperately to dodge any future problems by creating a set of dating rules or expectations, just so as not to get burned again. And while a certain amount of protection in the form of guidelines or boundaries is always a good thing, too many will insure that you pretty much never date again. here’s how to cut back on a few of those iron clad rules…

Don’t make assumptions about people before you know them: My mother used to say, Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. And that especially goes for dating. Dating between two healthy individuals is tricky, tricky, tricky, but for those who come from abusive or…

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I Love That Smile

Chest to chest, cheek to cheek

I see that spark in your eye

that let’s me know you’re up to no good.

The corner of your lips hold a secret

that I want to coax out with the tip of my tongue.

Your fingers trace up my spine.

You taste so good I can’t help but sink

my teeth into you.

I look at the waves crashing

the shore and picture my hips rolling into yours.

When were together time gets measured in kisses

and there’s never enough of either.

-Aug 2017

Second Chances

I wrote about how the cliche for my relationship is ‘timing is everything’ I figured today I’ll explain that a little bit more. I first started talking to my boyfriend on a dating app about a year ago. We probably only talked 3-4 weeks and we never ended up meeting. That wasn’t without lack of trying of course, I was open to meeting up and so was he.

But timing wasn’t right and we were looking for different things so 8 months passed before The Boyfriend randomly contacted me. Now that we were in different points of our lives, I told him why I thought we never met up all that time ago. We made up for lost time and met up just a few days after reconnecting.

He was wearing glasses and dirt on the shoulder of his black shirt from a work event he just came from. I was surprised by the instant attraction I had to him and also a bit surprised to hear myself an hour later saying yes to going down to the docks after we ate.   An hour date turned into five hours and I was thankful for second chances.

I’m still surprised sometimes at how easy parts of the relationship are. My trust issues have always kept guys at a bit of a distance and yet in just a couple of weeks he claimed title as My First Boyfriend. My boyfriend plans dates/adventures/trips , puts in the effort to be romantic, and is transparent in his feelings for me. Of course, it isn’t all easy as I’ve mentioned before but any issue that pops up is an issue I want to face with him.

I’m not sure why a year ago things didn’t work out or if we had met up then maybe things would have? But maybe life was too crazy then and things needed to work themselves out. So we took our time meeting and here we are together at last.

Romance (A list of things you’ve done)

Kiss me overlooking the bay

Kiss me in the rain

Kiss my hand

My forehead

Open my car door

Whisper I missed you into my hair

Hold me tight

Ask about my family

Listen closely to my fears and insecurities

Spark passion into my future

Tenderly handle every piece of myself I hand to you

Love me

-Aug 2017

5. Ten P.M.

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together

It’s 10 p.m. and I have so many chaotic thoughts circling within my mind right now that I felt the need to let some of them bleed onto this virtual page. In particular, I felt the need to let loose the thoughts that come alive every time I find this quote on one of my social media pages. Tonight I happened to stumble across it on my Twitter timeline. Normally, I would scroll past it without a second thought, but for some odd reason it seemed to strike a nerve on this glorious night.

Love has always been and probably always will be a tricky subject for me to discuss for a reason I am usually ashamed to admit, and that is the fact that I have yet to experience it. Obviously, I…

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