You’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks or months and things are going great! You’re hanging out together regularly and you’ve talked about the relationship progressing from exclusive to fully committed and official. There are some telltale signs to show that you’re guy is really ready and good relationship material.
He’s communicating about his feelings and thoughts, your feelings or thoughts, or just about the weekend plans together. He’s asking about your day and filling you in on his.
Makes Plans for the Future
He’s looking past just the next few days with you and plans into the future. He’s thinking about concerts, festivals, and gatherings with close ones that are weeks and months into the future. He sees you in that future, not just a present short term relationship.
He Factors you into his Future
When he’s thinking about his future he’s including you and considering how it will work for the two of you together. This may come a bit further along but when considering school, work, or big financial decisions, he’s factoring in how it will affect the relationship and how to make the future work cohesively.
He’s improving himself for his future and himself with your support and motivation. He wants to make sure he’s the man you want.
He tries to connect with your friends and family
He knows your friends and family are an important part of your life and he wants work on integrating himself into your social world. The relationship doesn’t need the added pressure of your friends or family not approving of him so he’ll work to make sure that doesn’t happen.
There’s this guy I realllllly like at work, we flirt hardcore so I really think he likes me too. We’ve hung out outside of work but only in group setting. I really want to pursue this further but I don’t know how to go about it or if I even should go for it.
Dear Coworker Crush,
Dating someone from work is…. Messy. To start off, if you happen to be reading the vibe wrong and pursue someone who isn’t interested then things at work will definitely get awkward with that rejection. The next obstacle is work’s policy about relationships. You may have to sign forms or it could be forbidden depending on the department or if one of you holds a superior position. Signing a document two weeks into a relationship would make just about anyone nervous. Or if work relationships are forbidden there’s added pressure on the relationship to know if it’s really worth losing your job over. Lastly, if your position titles are unbalanced any career achievements could be judged as ‘sleeping to the top’.
If I haven’t stressed you out enough yet then let’s skip right into the relationship. You’re starting a new relationship already spending the majority of the week with this person. So after spending the whole day together now you’re going to go have dinner or some other date plan. A relationship like this can definitely burn out quickly.
So say the relationship has burned out. Now you still see that person EVERYDAY at work. Maybe you’re both part of coworkers that all get lunch together every day, now what? Does the group split in half, are you left all by yourself, do you suffer through a group lunch with your ex every day? Dating a coworker is extremely complicated and there are a lot of obstacles to overcome. Of course, all relationships have their obstacles so a relationship with a coworker isn’t all that different.
So if you’re going to pursue this guy then the first thing I would work on is one on one time. Whether it be texting, lunch at work, or a light hearted hang out outside of work you want to build a special bond between the two of you. You can test the waters on how he may be feeling about you and express that you are interested in a relationship with him. Once you two have talked about those romantic feelings and are on the same page, you can progress in the dating stage.
My monthly advice column series is coming to an end this Friday!! I’ve loved answering everyone’s questions over the past year and I hope anyone in a similar situation that got to see these articles felt they were helpful as well! The first week of January I’ll be telling you all about my 2019 series!!
I met this awesome girl on a dating app, we talk everyday nearly all day. Problem is, whenever I bring up meeting in person she always has something else going on. It’s been three weeks already and I’m afraid to ask her again if she’s willing to go on a date with me.
Dear Stuck online,
I think 3 weeks is definitely on the stretch of waiting too long to meet up. The answer is Yes, move on. Sadly, this girl isn’t interested in you enough to meet up
Reasons she might not want to meet up:
She’s just not into you
She likes the attention and is stringing you along
She’s hung up on her ex / they’re back and forth on trying to work things out
She’s starting seeing someone else and is waiting to see if they’ll be exclusive soon
Whatever the reason, things aren’t going to work out and you might want some pointers on
How to Move on:
Get a Definite Answer
Unfortunately you have to suffer a little pain to get through it. You need a direct answer from her that she is not interested and you guys will not meet. If this doesn’t happen then you will always wonder if now is a better time for her. You need to be able to some fantasizing about a relationship you could have had. She needs to stop that in its tracks with a solid NO.
Make sure you’re not exclusively talking to her.
You need to take your mind off her and also unload all your eggs from her basket. Invest some effort into a few girls so you’re not so heartbroken when one doesn’t work out. One girl will make you realize how easy it is to start dating someone when they’re truly into you.
Refocus on work, a hobby, working out.
You need to untangle a bit from the online world and realize your value outside of relationships. Focus on you and bringing things back into your life that you enjoy. A happier you is a more attractive you! Your friends will be happy to see you off your phone and laughing with them.
I’ve answered before about what to do if your friend ends up developing feelings for you but I think this somewhat similar question has a completely different answer.
I absolutely think guys can be friends with girls without expecting the friendship to turn into something more. Bisexual people are attracted to both male and female genders but that doesn’t mean they want to date every single person they meet. Just because a straight guy is attracted to straight women doesn’t mean he’ll be attracted to his female friend. It’s a flawed logic to think guys and girls can’t be just friends.
I do think the more you get to know someone the more attached and attracted you become to them. You’ll relate to them and feel a connection, sometimes loneliness can muddle that up into romantic feelings. In fact other people in your lives will also start picturing the two of you as a couple.
The influence of those around you will also muddle your thoughts. May you find yourself sometimes staring at your friend’s beauty? Yes. May you sometimes wonder if you guys would work out as a couple? Yes. These thoughts are probably inevitable.
The catch is here that you don’t act on these thoughts. You know you two are good friends and you don’t really see yourself pursuing it. The thoughts pass and you continue on with your merry friendship. If this friendship was going to progress, it probably would have already by now.
My two year blogversary is coming up!! Two years ago I would have never thought I’d be here now! In typical blogger fashion, I’ll be doing a Q&A since I haven’t done one in quite some time. If you have any questions about my blog, book, or life feel free to drop one below or privately through my contact page!
I’ve been really close friends with this guy since high school, last month he told me he has feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way and don’t know how to handle our friendship now. It’s been soooo awkward! He’s one of my closest friends and I’d hate to lose that. What do I do?!
We’re just friends
Dear We’re Just Friends,
First, defs send him Friends by Anne-Marie lol. Just kidding, that probably wouldn’t be very nice.
Since it was last month, i’m sure you’ve already gone through that painfully awkward conversation of telling him you don’t feel the same way and want to go back to your close friendship.
Unfortunately, there’s not really a way to go back now that the cats out of the bag. The friendship conversation doesn’t just make emotional feelings disappear. You’ll probably always wonder if he’s reading more into a conversation or if doing certain activities together remind him of things a couple would do.
So as far as what to do, I do think a little bit of distance might help him get over you for the time being. You can see how things are going over the next few months but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some outbursts of “i don’t even like you like that anymore” or “i’m so over you stop thinking that”. If that’s the case then he’s probably not over you.
Overall, i think it was best that he told you how he truly felt. He no longer has to wonder what could be and will hopefully stop idealizing this imaginary relationship with you. Years ago, I had been on his side of things and getting that definite answer that it would never be nothing more than a friendship really snapped me out of it. I stopped putting effort into the friendship and that’s when I realized how little he had been giving me.
No matter what you try to do or how you handle this friendship, he probably will not get over you until he sets his eyes on someone else. So if there’s any way for you to help out in that area, I say go for it.
I’ve met this really great girl and we’ve gone on a handful of dates. My friends have been asking about her now and I can’t decide if it’s too soon to have her meet them? Is there a right time for when to bring the person you’ve been seeing to meet your friends?
-from friend zone
Congrats on the new lucky lady!
Your friends are able to give you an unbiased opinion about your potential significant other since the romantic feelings aren’t skewing their perspective. Friends know you well and know you deserve to be treated well. And it’s always great to have validation of your judgment in life partners by your friends support of the relationship. But when is the right time to introduce a potential partner to your friend group?
Not too Soon
It was important to me when meeting someone to establish a bond between us and make sure we are strong in our feelings for each other before he would meet any friends or family. I didn’t want to constantly bring a parade of new guys around and have my friends start thinking it was just another flavor of the week that would burn out in no time. For me it was serious and the next step in our relationship before becoming official. Having the support of those close to me was important. Since you’re wondering if it’s too early for them to meet, I’ll assume you don’t bring just any girl around your circle of friends.
Not too Late
The upside in letting your friends meet the person you’ve been seeing early on is that they can help you steer clear before it’s too late and you become too attached. You might be blinded by infatuation but your friends could pull you out of a disastrous relationship before you’ve invested too much time and effort. Has she mentioned wanting to meet your friends soon? If so, waiting much longer could start to make her feel unsure about your feelings for her. She may wonder if you’re keeping her a secret or that she’s the only one with strong feelings in this relationship.
As I mentioned, meeting friends and family means a lot to me because it shows me they want to bring me into their world and have me form bonds with those close to them. If you’re planning on keeping the relationship casual it might be confusing to both your partner and friends to have them hanging out together regularly. For me personally, it would have me believing things were heading in a more serious direction and moving onto a different page then they are. You also might want to think about the fact that one of your friends might be start to like her and continue to bring her around even after your casual thing is over.
It’s a good experience to see your potential SO in a social setting to see if they act different than when just alone with you. You can see if they’re making the effort to get to know your friends, if they’re outgoing or a sloppy drunk. Your friends can also see the two of you interact together and see if you pair up well as a team.
There are many benefits to having your friends and love interest meet. Before doing so you need to decide what kind of future you think this relationship has, think about if you want to intertwine the two parts of your life, and also talk to her about how she would feel about meeting your friends. Once you know the answer to these three questions you’ll know what to do!
A popular one is obviously drinks/ coffee since its less of a money and time commitment. I’m not a fan of them but for most it’s a good way to test out the waters without much risk.
I came to a point where I was going on so many dates that I started hating meal dates. Again it’s super common, everyone’s gotta eat right? They bored me and there wasn’t much room to hide if you didn’t like your date.
I prefer activities such as mini golf and bowling where awkward silences are acceptable and since you can usually find moments to yourself. In my opinion bowling is better in a group setting so you might hold off on that until you’re ready to have your friends test out your potential significant other.
The key is to find something both of you enjoy doing. Are you active, maybe a short hike would be fun and adventurous? Do you enjoy trying new beers, find a local brewery or winery and out a new spin on the just drinks date. If you’re more of a homebody the immediate idea might be going to see a movie but a more original idea would be going to a planetarium! They’ll do short films and lectures about the galaxy which is cool and star gazing is pretty romantic. You’ll be comfortable relaxing in the dark theater plus some even do lazer light concert shows which is another unique experience. These are shorter than regular movies so they aren’t as much of a time commitment and hopefully won’t cut into conversation time as much.
The early dating stages are when you try your hardest to impress someone so find out things they like and run with it! I really like dogs and a twist to the usual meal date was being taken to a restaurant that was covered in dog pictures! It was unique, playful, and showed that he listened and wanted to impress me. My boyfriend really likes boats so our first couple of dates we would check out all the local docks, walking around to read all the boat names and pick out our favorites. You don’t have to impress a first date with how expensive something is, just how thoughtful you can be.