advice

Signs You Know the Relationship is Over

Everything they do annoys you.

Those little habits you used to find so adorable are suddenly the bane of your existence. They way they talk, how they’re always late, and if have to pick up one more sock off the floor you’re going to lose it!

 

 

You want to spend less time with them.

Because they annoy you so much you want to spend less time around those irritating habits. You feel you need space to breathe and decompress. You dedicated so much time into the relationship and now you want to nourish your other friendships so that you can handle the loss of the relationship better. You might be hoping that this time apart will make you miss them and appreciate them.

 

You stop being intimate

When someone is irritating you and you’re not feeling the love then you most likely don’t want to be affectionate. You want to get far away from them, cuddling makes you want to scream, and you fake headaches and the like to get out of bedroom activities.

 

You’ve been having doubts for weeks and months.

All relationships go through ebbs and flows but if you’ve been stuck in this rut for an extended period of time then maybe the relationship has run its course. The love isn’t there anymore and perhaps neither of you are really willing to work on bringing it back. You don’t know how much long you can continue to live in this unhappy state.

 

You’re debating if you should stay with them or not

If you’ve started considering it then this is probably the end. The debate is telling you what you might not be fully ready to hear yet. If you were truly happy and committed to the relationship, this thought would probably never cross your mind. You’re already starting to mentally check out of the relationship.

 

You stop imagining a future with them & start thinking about your life without them.

You’re less interested in the future plans and trips the two of you made. You stop considering them as a factor of your future career, living situation, and family life. Thinking about the relationship being over gives you instant relief. You want to be sure you’d be making the right choice so you imagine being able to live without them. You think about how you’ll get back into the dating game and how you’ll occupy your new found free time.You’re already thinking of the next step instead of trying to solve issues in the relationship anymore.

 

Advice Column June

Dear DD,

I’ve met this really great girl and we’ve gone on a handful of dates. My friends have been asking about her now and I can’t decide if it’s too soon to have her meet them? Is there a right time for when to bring the person you’ve been seeing to meet your friends?

-from friend zone

Congrats on the new lucky lady!

Your friends are able to give you an unbiased opinion about your potential significant other since the romantic feelings aren’t skewing their perspective. Friends know you well and know you deserve to be treated well. And it’s always great to have validation of your judgment in life partners by your friends support of the relationship. But when is the right time to introduce a potential partner to your friend group?

Not too Soon

It was important to me when meeting someone to establish a bond between us and make sure we are strong in our feelings for each other before he would meet any friends or family. I didn’t want to constantly bring a parade of new guys around and have my friends start thinking it was just another flavor of the week that would burn out in no time. For me it was serious and the next step in our relationship before becoming official. Having the support of those close to me was important. Since you’re wondering if it’s too early for them to meet, I’ll assume you don’t bring just any girl around your circle of friends.

Not too Late

The upside in letting your friends meet the person you’ve been seeing early on is that they can help you steer clear before it’s too late and you become too attached. You might be blinded by infatuation but your friends could pull you out of a disastrous relationship before you’ve invested too much time and effort. Has she mentioned wanting to meet your friends soon? If so, waiting much longer could start to make her feel unsure about your feelings for her. She may wonder if you’re keeping her a secret or that she’s the only one with strong feelings in this relationship.

Mixed Signals  

As I mentioned, meeting friends and family means a lot to me because it shows me they want to bring me into their world and have me form bonds with those close to them. If you’re planning on keeping the relationship casual it might be confusing to both your partner and friends to have them hanging out together regularly. For me personally, it would have me believing things were heading in a more serious direction and moving onto a different page then they are. You also might want to think about the fact that one of your friends might be start to like her and continue to bring her around even after your casual thing is over.

New Experience

It’s a good experience to see your potential SO in a social setting to see if they act different than when just alone with you. You can see if they’re making the effort to get to know your friends, if they’re outgoing or a sloppy drunk. Your friends can also see the two of you interact together and see if you pair up well as a team.

There are many benefits to having your friends and love interest meet. Before doing so you need to decide what kind of future you think this relationship has, think about if you want to intertwine the two parts of your life, and also talk to her about how she would feel about meeting your friends. Once you know the answer to these three questions you’ll know what to do!

Learning Curve of Going Self Hosted

I instantly thought I got way in over my head just from the hosting site. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing nor how to fill out information they wanted from me. Luckily SiteGround transferred my content over from my previous website which only took a couple of hours. But once i got to the wordpressorg dashboard I was more in my comfort zone.

Things still looked kinda different and I’m still getting used to figuring out my Plug ins. I probably wouldn’t have known to add in any without the help of fellow bloggers writing posts about helpful tools. Other helpful tips I wouldn’t have known otherwise were claiming your website on Google and Pinterest and migrating your followers from dotcom to your new site.

One thing I definitely miss is the calendar display while scheduling future posts. I installed a calendar plug in to help keep me organized but I have to go to a different page to see it and that leaves me guessing and making mistakes while picking dates.

Along with the calendar I also miss how easy it was to link your older posts in dotcom. In org I have to open another tab for my site and search for every post I want to link back to.

There’s also been some confusion since I use JetPack to keep track of my Stats. When asking for more detailed Stats I get redirected to my WordPress.com dashboard. If I use the WordPress app will I be following and commenting as my dotcom site or my new site?

It’s also a bit disheartening to see your stats start from scratch. You worked so hard to build it up the first time and now you have to go through the process all over again. It will hopefully help that your regular followers have been migrated over and continue their support.

Figuring out how plug ins work has also been a challenge. I installed some that were highly recommended and don’t really feel like I use them or I guess just don’t know how. Similarly, I don’t fully understand how to properly set up monetization just as Google Adsense.

It’s a learning process for sure and you have to be willing to dedicate a lot of extra time in the beginning in order to get yourself up and running efficiently.

 

3 Month Blogger Break Made me a Better Blogger

I don’t think i wrote a blog post in 2018 until now. I had a great writing streak back in August and had been heavily relying on that stack of scheduled posts since then. But without new content to replenish, that stack dwindled. In February, I really started to strongly consider going to self hosting. But with my writer’s block and dwindling content I became disheartened. In March, I took a big step back. My calender of posting every other day turned into spacing the few posts I had left to every 4-5 days. My pageviews dropped by the hundreds and I didn’t even properly dress my posts with featured images, backlinks, and tags.

I told myself I was taking the month to write again and build up content but the weeks passed by with no pen to paper. The last week of the month I convinced myself again that I would go self hosting before the week was up. That lit a fire under me since I wanted the new site to have the chance to be successful. Within a few days I completed 10 new blog articles!

I also dedicated the next weekend to starting the self hosting site and figuring out the tasks I needed to get done to make it functional and presentable. Once that was complete I turned to Pinterest, Canva, and TailWind in order to help get my pageviews back and combat the loss from the WordPress.com community.

I’m back to having a solid 6 weeks of content scheduled ahead and feeling more professional with my own domain and creating marketing ads. I’m learning a ton from self hosting and feel like a badass every time i successfully add HTML coding.

I have all gone full force on Pinterest by working on Canva, joining share boards, and utilizing Tailwind.

How to self publish

Dream a little.

  1. Fantasize about how you imagine your poetry collection to be. Do you have a theme or topic you want to focus on, how do you want to touch your audience, and maybe start considering details like how long you want your collection to be. (Time: You could have been toying with the idea of publishing for months or years now)

 

Create a catalog of your poetry and organize it.

2. I created columns for Title, Message, Length, and Likelihood it would end up in this book I was focused on. This was extremely helpful to me because I realized I had my next two books ideas already forming just based on the theme of poem messages. It’s a smart idea to take stock of your inventory so you can make a strategy for your next steps. You might learn you have more poems on a topic you weren’t planning on including in this book which could lead to you switching directions. I knew I wanted to write some new poems exclusively for this book which allowed me to learn where I was lacking so that I could start filling in the holes with new poems.  (Time: A few hours, you should be about to catalog in a day. The question is how you want to catalog and what information you want. I added the column called book collections when I realized I had 3 different collections forming. This could take another day)

 

Take in stock.

3. Now that you know which poems are going to be included, you can start organizing them. Do some have a theme, will your book have chapters, do you want long poems or strict forms grouped together. (Time: You might do this the same day as your catalog or you might do it in the few days following.)

 

Group poems to form book structure.

4. You absolutely should take breaks from this so that you can look at the collection with fresh eyes. This is your dream, no need to frustrate yourself and take the fun out of it. Set a generous timeline for yourself. Allow yourself a week for every grouping. One day, think about how each poem flows to the next. Another day, think about how each poem looks on the page and focus on making grammatical sense if that’s what you’re after. (Time: 2 months might be a good marker, but you know how you work and the type of collection you’re trying to achieve)

 

Sometimes you need a creative break and some time apart from your collection.

5. This is normal and healthy. If you want, now you can research. Research publishing sites and talk to fellow poets about their experiences. Visit a bookstore and browse through the poetry section. What do you like about some of the books and how do you want yours to be different? (Time: You can start this while you’re working on editing your poems/chapters and also take 3 weeks after)

6. As I mentioned, for my collection, I knew I wanted new, exclusive poems. There may be other ways in which you want to make your collection more desirable, such as art work or collaborating with other artists. (Time: 2-5 months)

 

Now your collection draft is complete! It is time to edit!!

7. There is a suggested three edits: grammatical, format, and cohesion. For me, the hard work was definitely putting the draft together but I absolutely hate editing! Even with editing over 10 versions, I’m still looking for an outside editor to also review my draft. (Time: 2-4 weeks depending on your process)

8. Once you’re happy with your edited draft, it’s time to submit to the self publishing site/company you’re using! I used CreateSpace, it was super easy to navigate, they tell you exactly what you need in order for your draft to be accepted, and offer helpful services along the way. (Time: A few days for filling out the information and your file being reviewed and approved).

9. You’ll be sent a proof once your files are reviewed and approved. This will be your final proofreading and editing before having your book ready for sale.

 

Finally set a Launch Date and promote the heck out of your book!

10. Use Social Media, in person marketing, and relevant message boards online. It’s also common for Author’s to throw a Launch Party to inform locals about the release.

 

Get a copy of my book here!

 

Going Self Hosted

Hosting Site: Expense: $95.15 (included Domain name, privacy, and web security purchases)

I switched to self -hosting So obviously I have to make a post about how to do it! I’ve been on WordPress’ free plan for about a year and a half learning the ins and outs of the blog world. To be honest, I never really had a plan for blogging long term and thought I’d run out of ideas and materials just a few months in. I think it was good to do the free plan on WP so I could learn about blogging without the pressures of trying to make money to make up the loss of spending money on a hosting site. I could discover my place in the blogging community and my process for writing in a very laid back way.

I researched on blogs, talked to other bloggers in the community, and did comparisons on different hosting sites. I heard mixed reviews for BlueHost and great reviews for SiteGround so that’s where I’m ending up. You might decide on a different site based off of your research, not everyone’s experience will be your experience.

Domain Name/URL:

The process was simple since I just stuck with my original WP url name (a common suggestion so that readers don’t get confused with a new name and you lose your following) which happened to still be available. At this point I want to be blogging for the next few year so I picked the plan that made financial sense to me for that purpose and can revalue when the 3 years is up. SiteGround also transferred my content over from my previous site. I was also happy with their support team since I accidentally purchased a second transferred in addition to the free one but was thankfully refunded.

Themes: $41

I thought I would be able to just choose a theme from wordpress that I wouldn’t have to invest money in yet. Unfortunately, the options were slim and not what I was looking for. Just in case, I had done research for WP themes and decided to check out the site pipdig that was recommended. Upon further research, I went for a more budget friendly option and choose a theme from ThemeForest .

Plugins:

From there I installed and activated plugins such as JetPack, Yoast SEO, Velvet Blue Update URLs, and Google Analytics. I’m still figuring out if I need Google Analytics since JetPack seems to also offer blog stats. I put a few posts on the schedule and tried out Yoast SEO – I kinda hate the hassle it requires so I’m curious to see if it really does help my posts get noticed. Velvet Blue Update URLs is amazing if you’re switching from WordPresscom to org because it will change all your links so your audience from dotcom should hopefully get redirected to your new org site. This was an alternative from a paid expense wordpress offers its users.

HTML add ins:

I was a little stressed when I realized I had to do some coding of my own so first thing you need to know is: Theme>Editor>Header. That’s where most of your coding will go such as claiming your site on google webmaster and pinterest and applying for google adsense and similar.

Migrate Followers:

I was super happy to learn there was a way for me to transfer my dotcom followers over to my new site. A little bummed to find out stats can’t be transferred over as well but I’m hoping my new marketing strategy will quickly build that back up.

Explore Your Site:

Some of it will definitely be trial and error and just getting comfortable with the new dashboard. Research and read articles from other bloggers when you get a little lost.

 

Finding Your Blog Motivation Again

You’re probably reading this because you haven’t written a new blog post in a few weeks or maybe its months. First thing you have to hear is that it happens to all of us and is totally normal! Being involved in the blogger community may seem like a double edged sword while you’re doing through your writer’s block. You’re seeing all your peers producing new content and that adds to the pressure to not fall behind.

The positive side though is seeing how many of your fellow bloggers are also going through their own dry spell. This helps you feel less alone and relieves the pressure by normalizing your situation. Feel free to reach out to those you relate to and connect, feeling support could put you in the writing mood.

As I mentioned earlier, if you stay involved in the community you’ll be exposed to new content from other bloggers. Since you’re not writing you’ll have extra free time for reading! See what’s currently trending in the blogger world! You can also search Newspapers, Magazines, and google keywords in your niche to try and find a spark. (Of course, don’t copy anyone’s work that doesn’t solve anything).

Some bloggers would suggest taking a break from the community. Take some time off from social media and focus back in on your life. We draw a lot of our inspiration from life experiences but if you’re not out there living then you could run low on material. A conversation with friend or relative could give you a new perspective a topic you might have been stuck on.  

While you’re taking a social media break, try to find inspiration in other art forms. Go to a concert or see a play, or maybe you’re also a creator in a another format such as painting or a fictional writer. None of these things have to do with your blog or niche, they’re just ways to light that fire inside of you again.  

Lastly, it’s nice to look at your old posts, see what used to inspire you and remind you of how far you’ve come and what you’ve been able to create. Remind yourself of why you started blogging in the first place and the fresh hope you had back then.

PS this is my first post since my writer’s block! You can even make your lack of a writing your way back into writing!