cancer

How to help your partner through tough times

In life, you face a lot of struggle. You might grieve a lost loved one, lose a job, or face a dispute with a friend. Fortunately, you usually have people in your life you can lean on including your partner. Tragedy affects everyone differently so if this is the first time you’re helping your partner through something, you might not know the best way to comfort them.

 

Let Them Know You’re There

There can be a lot of thoughts rushing through their head at this time, they may feel that expressing their feelings are a burden for you or they might be so consumed that they haven’t thought of you to lean on. So you let them know you’re there for them offering support in any way they want or need. You’re ready for when they want to talk. You’re a shoulder and open ear.

 

Read the Room

Some people want to talk out their issues, others prefer to silently work through things on their own. You may think how you’d react during this hard time and may think you know what’s best for your partner. But they may deal with their grief in a different way then you do. Keep an open mind to this and try to not take it personally if they are keep their emotions close to their chest. Don’t project your own ideals onto them and don’t push them for what they’re not ready for.

 

Validate their Feelings

Writing things down on paper or talking out your concerns is a good healing process for the soul. Sometimes you just need to vent or cry or scream – you just want to be heard. So validate your partner’s feelings. There doesn’t always need to be a solution or plan of action. Be a soundboard as they navigate through this new territory.

 

Know it’s always an ongoing process after losing a loved one.

Losing a loved one will hit you in new and unsuspecting ways. A tv show, a street sign, a song could all bring memories rushing back even after time has passed. The loss will still ache whether it’s years or months. Anniversaries and special holidays will always be tender for your partner. There is no start and end to this healing process, it will ease both of your minds to accept this. Just because there are tears today does not mean there will be tears tomorrow, so don’t worry or judge when you’re having a hard day. You will always remember them because they are always with you.

 

Documentary Recommendations – Series 3 Documentaries to Skip

Unfortunately, not every documentary you watch will be a good one. Or sometimes you’ll watch a movie that you kind of enjoyed but you know you wouldn’t recommend anyone else to watch it (for me that Christmas lifetime movies hahah). These four documentaries don’t have any common themes aside from the fact that I don’t think you should watch them lol.

 

The Woman with Seven Personalities (Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

This is a woman in her mid 30s with 6 other personalities that range from about the age of 5 to 15. This documentary didn’t really end up answering any of the questions it proposed throughout the segment. That doesn’t really make for a good documentary… It was interesting hearing from the main woman about the debate of if she would really want to be cured and lose her other personalities.

It also brought in the question if multiple personality disorder is even a real disease or if she’s just faking it. Although Helen has 6 personalities to keep her company in her head, she sadly lives a rather only life. She also unfortunately struggles with two personalities that are self destructive to her such as self harm and alcoholism. Overall, interesting topic but the story doesn’t really end up anywhere.

 

Look at Us now, Mother! (Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

I got bored with this one and stopped. Eventually started again to watch some more but still have not finished. The documentary follows the relationship between the filmmaker and her mother. It’s been a rough relationship since childhood and decades later Gayle is still battling against her disapproving mother. Her brothers make it so obvious how manipulative and emotionally abuse their mother was to Gayle, it’s difficult to hear about a mother being a bully to her own daughter.

The two had just started therapy together when I stopped watching for a second time. Even in her old age, the mother is completely ignorant to how she mistreated her daughter. Young ladies have it hard enough measuring up to society’s ideals without their mother pushing for them to get a nose job. It’s not worth the watch. And of course, I have not finished the film but from my understanding its more so the daughter accepting the mother’s hard ways rather than the mother becoming kind and compassionate, but I could be wrong. 

And just for the little background I did learn about why the mother might treat her daughter like this – The mother saw her husband grow up being the forgotten child compared to his sisters so the mother vowed she would never let her sons feel left out or wouldn’t put her daughter on a pedestal. She unfortunately, took that to the extremely and consistently belittled her daughter instead.

 

Children of God (Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

This documentary follows the memories of a family that lived in a Cult for many years. The first interesting thing about this cult was that the leader wasn’t with the rest of the cult, he just sent letters from a secret location. It’s interesting that the leader had such a presence without even being present. It focused heavily on child abuse and sexual abuse with interviews from the one family that has since left the cult. The cult even featured promotional videos that were essentially children undressing to song.

The other focus was on the sexual activities the wives were essentially forced to do such as sleeping with other husbands and members of the cult as well as sleeping with men in the outside community in order to entice them to join the cult (flirty fishing). It’s a sad documentary as the grown children recount their stories of sexual harassment and rape and dealing with the complicated resentment they have with their mother for putting them in such an environment. It’s disturbing and heartbreaking, and not at the top of my list of recommendations.

 

End Game (Netflix) – Would Not Recommend

This documentary takes place at a hospice- like center. You encounter a handful of people as they face the last few weeks or months of their lives. Death is hard to face but a documentary like this talking about death and the options that come with hospice care is helpful in opening up the conversation. You see patients dealing with their fate differently and the hardships families face as well.

The documentary spent a lot of time on Mitra’s family, a young mother with an end of life cancer diagnosis, weak and rarely lucid. The parents struggled to face that their daughter would not be getting any better and also struggled to decide if they could allow their daughter’s body to help doctors and scientists after death. A documentary shot in hospital setting was very honest about keeping the patients human. The short documentary sits heavy on the soul and I don’t see a reason any of you readers should sit through that.

 

Weeping Hurricane

I’m sorry this is how your life story ends

You cried easily this year

When she showed you her wedding dress you cried

And when i showed you this book, the tears fell again.

The clouds were nice enough to cry the day after you passed.

I wonder if there’s a part of you that’s happy

When you see the wet cheeks of those who love you.

And I wonder if you feel ashamed for feeling that way.
-September 2018

Asking for Support Today

I would normally not do this type of post but I’ve been getting much more involved in the blogger community this summer and have seen so much support and made so many connections.

My Aunt was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer last summer and has shown such strength taking on this battle every day. I’ll be participating in a fundraiser walk in just a few weeks to show support to my Aunt and The Lustgarten pancreatic cancer research foundation as they continue to search for a cure.

If you have an extra $5 or $10 in your pocket today, any donation is deeply appreciated.

And if you don’t, just spread some extra love this month, you never know who needs it ❤

Thank you, talk soon, and take care xx