cheating

The Hurt

I’m trying to be fair

But memories of your dishonesty

ambush me whenever the mood strikes.

I can’t believe you’re debating

The extent of your deceit.

I was vulnerable and there you were

Still acting a fool behind my back.

How am I supposed to get past something like that?

 

-May 2018

The Aftermath

It’s like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop

Waiting for you to break my heart again

Feeling like I’m paranoid but I cant stop asking questions

they always lead to answers I don’t like.

 

What are you doing to me?

Do you know the precious love you hold in your hands

Or are you carelessly letting it slip through your fingers

 

-May 2018

It’s Worse than Cheating!

You may be asking what could possibly be worse than cheating and believe me, I’m right along side you there. But some people believe that snooping around on your significant other because you think they might be cheating is actually worse than the act of cheating itself!

Snooping, just like cheating, is a breach of trust. You’ve built and placed this trust in each other to remain faithful and to not question that trust. When you question that trust you also question the love they have for you.

Your partner might not have given you a single reason to question their love; but perhaps you’ve been burned in the past and have built up some trust issues. It’s not fair to snoop on your current partner because of your past. Plus, there are other, healthier ways to help you overcome these trust issues.

For starters, open communication!

It may be tough in the beginning depending on your past but over time you should be able to build a pure trust with your current partner. You can start honest conversation in text if you have a hard time expressing your concerns and your ex always talked over your doubts to drown them in his accusations. This way, both sides get out their full thoughts and really think through their answers before responding. Work with your current partner and try to give them an honest chance to show you they’re not like your ex.

But perhaps you know your partner hasn’t been with a cheater in the past and yet they still snoop; what’s that about?

They might just be insecure with themselves, fearing you’ll get tired of them and go looking for ‘better’. You can be an incredibly supportive partner and still be with someone who lacks a healthy self-esteem. Your patience and support will go a long way but ultimately it is up to them to improve their self esteem independently from you and the relationship. Here it’s important to establish boundaries and define what each partner is comfortable with as far as cheating and snooping go.

In the meantime, do you love blindly or check up on their faithfulness?

Every relationship will be different but an option may be allowing your partner to go through your phone with your permission and presence. Your partner can feel secure by checking things out for themselves and you are aware of the things that might trigger them now. 

We’ve talked about trust issues with one’s self and with their past but we haven’t talked about trust issues with a current partner.

I think the most common reason for snooping is the fact that something has tipped them off that the shared trust has already been breached. More out of the ordinary ‘late nights’ at work, less willingness to share intimacy, or more secretive texting all stir the snooping desire in us.

Snooping is wrong, but if you find out that your partner is cheating then does that become the important focus and the snooping gets a justified pass? I think most people would agree Yes to that point and that both individuals in the relationship need to reflect on how they want to move on from there.

Some people will say that no matter the reason, snooping is wrong and should never be done. For their own mental sanity they may never want to become paranoid in a relationship. If they love you then they love you fully and without question and if you end up being unfaithful then at least they never have to question their loyalty.

Emotional Cheating

I think a lot of people have different definitions of cheating. Some draw the line at provocative dancing while others only think a full fledge affair constitutes cheating. Some people think different types of cheating are worse than others like if it only happened once or if it was only when drunk and under the influence. The offense seems to be worse when there’s more emotion involved. When it was with a clear mind and happened multiple times with the same person. So why is it that emotional cheating seems to get over looked sometimes?

There’s this delusional belief that if you never meet up in person then you never cheat. Or if it’s not nudes, if it’s not sexual in nature, then it’s not cheating. These things can start innocent enough, just someone in need of a support system. Maybe things are hard with your significant other right now and you just want someone to talk to.

The problem occurs when you stop communicating with your SO. Instead you’re telling all personal issues to this new confidante. You’re no longer only talking to them when you need advice, you’re talking to them when you’re happy, bored, and alone. There’s now a daily connection and although you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, there’s something stopping you from telling your SO about it.

Would it bother you if your SO didn’t tell you things anymore? Would it bother you if you didn’t know who your SO’s emotional support system was? A support system is a type of relationship if you have to keep it on the down low.

 

 

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