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10 Ticking Time Bombs in a Relationship

Keeping a relationship going is hard work and there are a number of traps you and your significant other can slip into. CEO from 1 Code Hub asked me what are some issues that could cause future break ups and I’m here with some answers!

Lack of communication  

I’ve answered before that communication is the most important part of a successful relationship. Even with how much you’re communicating now, you could probably always do some more. Communicating can be very tough; there are many different communication styles and it’s easy to read into words and become defensive. You may also be approaching a tough topic and that will make things tense and you’ll be nervous about how vulnerable you feel. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself though will only allow them to fester and can make an issue bigger than it needs to be. This also doesn’t give your partner a chance to give their side and perhaps ease your worries.

Past Issues

There’s a good chance this isn’t your first relationship but even if it is, you’ve experienced hurt through non romantic relationships. You’ve been abandoned, lied to, betrayed, and criticized. In order to protect yourself from getting hurt again, you’ll assume your partner will do these things to you as well until you’ve built up enough trust to let your guard down. This isn’t really fair to your partner to be treated like a criminal from the start. And it doesn’t start your relationship on a good foot either.

Assumptions

A lack of communication and trust issues can lead to a lot of assumptions. Your thoughts and fears will get the best of you. You’ll imagine the worst and your fear will shut you down. This will feed into your self doubt and seeps into the relationship. You’re dooming your relationship before giving it a real chance.  

Social media

There have been a few studies on how Social media has affected the mental health of today’s society and that leaks into your relationships with others. Social media can be detrimental to a relationship due to the comparison it allows. You see other relationships on social media, in love and having fun just after another fight with your boo. You become insecure about your own relationship and wonder why you are both struggling so much right now.

What you don’t see in those smiling photos are all the fights and tears those couples have gone through. I’m always surprised when I learn about disagreements in relationships close to me. How did I not know about the issues they had been facing? They seem so happy and healthy together. Social media makes it difficult to remember that every couple, especially happy ones, still have their issues and face hard times.

Social media also allows you to keep track of your SO and learn a history of things about them early on. A lack of independence and privacy isn’t healthy for even the closest of couples. If you’re stalking your SO to see all the photos they like and become jealous when you find someone attractive. This is something you didn’t really need to learn about as long as there’s no direct contact. There’s a certain about of autopilot when on social media and I’m sure you still find strangers attractive as well. Doesn’t mean you want a relationship with them and the same should be said for your partner.

Involving too many people in your relationship

Every single relationship will have issues arise at some point. It’s at these times that you’ll want to turn to others for emotional support and guidance. Sometimes talking to someone can talk you down from an issue and help you be more understanding when going back to your significant other to talk things out.

The issue is that you’re looking for guidance to make a relationship work but you’re also giving reasons for your friends and family to dislike your significant other. This can make things difficult down the road so try to think of the future even when having current issues. You’re also letting other people’s opinions steer your relationship which doesn’t really involve them. In the end, it’s your relationship, treat it as such. Of course, there will be times when your family needs to step up when your emotions are clouding your judgment too much to take proper care of yourself.

Lack of Support

Ignoring the concerns and struggles of your partner is a recipe for ending up alone. By doing so you’re teaching them that they can’t rely on you for support and you invalidate their feelings. It’s very important to operate as a unit when out with others. You won’t agree with your partner on a number of topics and should voice that if it’s important but you also don’t want your partner to start feeling like it’s them against you and your friends/family. You’re the one who’s close to your family and it’s up to you to stand up to them and defend your partner. This show of support will carry you through some tough times in the relationship.  

Getting Closure on a Past Relationship

If you all remember Stubborn from late 2016, I became fed up with his lack of willingness to progress our relationship and decided to cut my losses in order to move forward.  Months into my current relationship and he was still hitting me up a couple of times. We never even dating! Granted he was contacting me to complain about his current girl problems and asking for advice.

He didn’t like me enough to ever date me but now he won’t leave me alone. It made no sense to me and I told him I wanted answers. In typical Stubborn fashion he danced around the question with redirects and telling me his problems so I’ll feel bad for him instead of angry.

He continued to express his frustration that the girl he was interested in would not hang out with him or pursue a relationship him. I pointed out just how ironic it was that he was complaining to ME about it and even told him I wrote an article on it. Then hell froze over and he actually apologized. It wasn’t an “I’m sorry but..” or “I’m sorry you feel this way..”. It was a straight I’m sorry. Perhaps he was finally owning up to some of the frustration and doubt he put me through. Finally he could relate so vividly to the exact spot he left me in.

I instantly felt different. Reading the words I’m sorry did something for me. Offered a type of closure and validation. There was finally no excuses nor holes in his explanations. Straightforward and clear, something I always wanted from Stubborn. My struggles and insecurities were validated. I had taken responsibility for the part I played in this delusion. Although he offered it late, he finally seemed to take his share of the blame and the closure was healing for me.

You don’t always get offered closure in relationships. It leaves you wondering where things went wrong, could it have been fixed, and your thoughts circle around your insecurities. I still don’t have all answers for why he always acted the way he did but I learned how to heal some of my insecurities.