What if I can’t tell if he loves me or not?

For a crush:

There’s a lot of uncertainty for the two of you, so not knowing if he loves you or not is very stressful. Since he is your crush I imagine you’ve been paying a lot of attention to him. Does he make an effort to talk to you, ask you about your days and hobbies? Does he ask if you’ll be at that party this weekend or try to find ways to be around you? If the answer so far has been mostly No then maybe he’s not good at expressing his thoughts verbally and you need to see his actions instead. Does he find ways to be near you? Does he do little things that make your life easier? 

If the answer is still No then a lack of maturity could be the issue or sadly, he just might not be that into you (link older article). One last thing to keep in mind though is have you made it obvious to him that you like him? Could he read those questions and mostly answer Yes? Have you been honest and straightforward “I like you, I would like to date you, what do you think?”

I know it’s scary to put yourself out there like that but this not knowing will fill you with doubt and destroy your peace of mind from the inside out so even if it’s not the answer you’re hoping for, it’s better to know for sure than always wonder. 

For a relationship:

It’s very possible you might have a different love language than your significant other. That’s very common and nothing to fear. The way in which you show love and expect it to be shown back to you might be very different than the way your significant other naturally shows their love for you. For example, you might be vocal about your love, writing love letters, showering them with compliments, and always ending an exchange with ‘I love you’. Your significant other might be quiet or reserved and you may be hurt that they never compliment you or say I Love You first. This is where it’s important to 1. Figure out your love language and your SO’s love language and 2. Directly communicate to your SO that you need to be shown some love in your love language (to continue the example, you might ask them to write you a note of appreciate or love or to make the effort to compliment you more). 

It’s important you find out the love language of your SO other because this can help you notice the ways in which they ARE showing their love. For example, they might show love by spending quality time together. No matter how busy their schedule is, they make sure that they are home to spend every dinner with you. And sure, you are capable of walking the dog by yourself, but they walk with you every time for that extra one on one time. This extra effort may have been going by unnoticed to you. You may have even gotten annoyed when they asked you to check your social media apps after dinner but now you’re realized how much they cherish that time of undivided attention and connection. 

Aside from realizing all the ways you are being shown love, you can also make the effort to show them love in that same way as well. You’ll feel connected again when you start making this effort along with seeing them make the effort to speak your love language too.

Gently

I’ll let you keep the upper hand

if it makes you feel secure enough

to keep me around.

I know you’re scared to be vulnerable 

but baby, I’ll hold you gently.

 

-May 2020

Lips Talk

You knew exactly what I wanted

When and how.

Could read what I needed 

before I even knew.

No thoughts

just instinct.

How did something so good

have to grow so complicated.

 

-May 2020

April Playlist – Crush

 

1.Something to Talk About (1991)

Bonnie Riatt sings of a friends to lovers storyline as the town begins to suspect romance brewing among these friends. These rumors have Bonnie evaluating her friendship and realizing she has caught feelings for her friend!

 

2.Losing Control (2015)  

Russ’s song is about a girl catching feelings but worried she’ll only get her heart broken again. She’s trying to fight these feelings but he keeps treating her well, giving her all of his trust, and showing her what a good love can feel like. 

 

3.Yellow Hearts (2019)

Ant Saunders admires and has growing feelings for a friend but he’s worried he’s reading too far into her responses. She sends yellow heart emojis but he’s not sure if that means she likes him too. Is she playing games? Is she just a sweet girl? Saunders is trying to define the relationship, if there even is one.

 

4.Open (2013)

Rhye already knows he’s falling deeper into what might have started as a casual relationship. He wants to make this relationship into something more and he’s begging her to stay, to fall with him. He’s hoping she can give this a real chance. 

 

5.Falling (2018) 

Trevor daniel has been hurt before but he finally met someone that has given him hope for love again. He needs that validation from her that she’s feeling the same way about him. She’s all he thinks about and he wants to spend all of his time with her. He’s ready to give her all of his love as long as she is ready to treat him right.

 

6. Falling in Love (2016)

Dennis Kruissen’s song starts with your head in the clouds, feeling dreamy and intoxicated. Love finally happens when you least expect it and you’re praying you get to call somebody your house. He hopes he’s not alone as he’s falling in love.

consistency

You ask why I choose you

and it’s as simple as you and me here right now.

It’s you here for me, showing up everyday 

Just a phone call away.

It’s not convenience, it’s consistency.

I can count on you to lean on

I can count on being in your arms every night 

and you kissing me just right.

 

-Jan 2020

Bite

You say things to me 

that hold a bite.

But I think you need them 

spoken aloud

to remind yourself

to not cross a line with me.

 

-Jan 2020

I Wonder If I Cross Your Mind

I wonder if your sister ever got married.

I wonder what you taste like.

I wonder if your friend likes his job out of state.

I wonder how strong your arms

would feel wrapped around me.

 

I wonder if you wonder about me.

I wonder if you remember the details of my life

like I do yours. 

I wonder how deep your love

could fill my chest.

I wish I didn’t have to wonder at all. 

 

 

-Sept 2019

The Rest of Me

You always say that you wish I would let you in.

But baby, if I do, will you promise not to hurt me?

But if you’re not patient with me

Then baby, I’m shutting all the doors.

If you will let me breathe

Then I will let you see

the rest of me.

 

-2015

It’s Only You

I know I’m not your’s

but I hope you know

I’m not anyone else’s.

I’m not interested in love

if it’s not your’s.

 

I’m not looking to be wrapped up

in anyone’s arms at night.

But I’ll open the door 

if it’s you knocking. 

 

It’s only you 

that makes the heat 

rush in my blood

And a smile burst from my lips.

 

-Oct 2019

Dear Dateable (Feb) Advice Column

Dear Dateable,

What if I can’t tell if he loves me or not?

DD:I went back and asked if this was a current relationship or a crush because I think the answers would vary a little and I’ve decided to answer it both ways. It may be worthwhile to check out my post on signs he’s into you.

For a crush: There’s a lot of uncertainty for the two of you, so not knowing if he loves you or not is very stressful. Since he is your crush I imagine you’ve been paying a lot of attention to him. Does he make an effort to talk to you, ask you about your days and hobbies? Does he ask if you’ll be at that party this weekend or try to find ways to be around you? If the answer so far has been mostly No then maybe he’s not good at expressing his thoughts verbally and you need to see his actions instead. Does he find ways to be near you? Does he do little things that make your life easier?

If the answer is still No then a lack of maturity could be the issue or sadly, he just might not be that into you (link older article). One last thing to keep in mind though is have you made it obvious to him that you like him? Could he read those questions and mostly answer Yes? Have you been honest and straightforward “I like you, I would like to date you, what do you think?”

I know it’s scary to put yourself out there like that but this not knowing will fill you with doubt and destroy your peace of mind from the inside out so even if it’s not the answer you’re hoping for, it’s better to know for sure than always wonder.

For a relationship: It’s very possible you might have a different love language than your significant other. That’s very common and nothing to fear. The way in which you show love and expect it to be shown back to you might be very different than the way your significant other naturally shows their love for you. For example, you might be vocal about your love, writing love letters, showering them with compliments, and always ending an exchange with ‘I love you’. Your significant other might be quiet or reserved and you may be hurt that they never compliment you or say I Love You first. This is where it’s important to 1. Figure out your love language and your SO’s love language and 2. Directly communicate to your SO that you need to be shown some love in your love language (to continue the example, you might ask them to write you a note of appreciate or love or to make the effort to compliment you more).

It’s important you find out the love language of your SO other because this can help you notice the ways in which they ARE showing their love. For example, they might show love by spending quality time together. No matter how busy their schedule is, they make sure that they are home to spend every dinner with you. And sure, you are capable of walking the dog by yourself, but they walk with you every time for that extra one on one time. This extra effort may have been going by unnoticed to you. You may have even gotten annoyed when they asked you to check your social media apps after dinner but now you’re realized how much they cherish that time of undivided attention and connection.

Aside from realizing all the ways you are being shown love, you can also make the effort to show them love in that same way as well. You’ll feel connected again when you start making this effort along with seeing them make the effort to speak your love language too.