dating apps

Dating App Run Through

Tinder – probably got its fame by becoming notoriously known as the Hook Up App. No reason to spend time writing up a bio or putting up more than one picture, minimally effort required to Netflix and Chill. People also use Tinder as an ego boost, racking up as many matches as possible without ever messaging anyone. A game to pass the time, a swiping addiction that’s hard to stop even after you’ve found the one you want to exclusively date.

Bumble – Is like Tinder in the regard that there’s a short area for a bio and it’s the swiping game. The main different is that the girl has to be the one to make first contact. Some guys AND girls have issues with this because society says men should be making the first move and pursuing the woman. If your fragile ego is bothered by this then just stick to Tinder. The other difference from Tinder is the time limits. The girl has 24 hours to make initial contact and after that, the guy has an additional 24 hours to make that first response and establish a connection. I enjoy this because it forces acknowledgement. You don’t have to wonder if they’ll message you or if they even saw the message. The rule is simple, you snooze you lose. My one issue with Bumble is that I do wish it included ‘last active time’ because I know there are profiles that have not been touched in months and yet they still get in rotation. If you haven’t been on your active account in 2-3 months then it should be deactivated. Bumble also stands out because you can send picture messages which is not always the case with other dating apps.

OKCupid – I have given the nickname ‘Build-A-Boyfriend’ to OKC because it allows you to create criteria when searching for matches such as education level, body type, ethnicity, drinking/smoking preference, and ‘what you’re looking for’ (i.e. friends, long-term dating, casual). OKC is also very in-depth by asking prompt questions such as ‘self summary’, ‘what I’m doing with my life’, ‘favorite books, music, movies, food’ and survey type questions to help you match people with similar answers.. This allows you to really get to know a person and understand if you’re both looking for the same things. It also has a lot of added features that you can paid for with a monthly subscription. I also like that OKC has a website page as well as the app which both Tinder and Bumble do not.

Plenty Of Fish – has a lot of similarities to OKC like body type, ethnicity, and religion as well as creating a decent bio with an ‘about me’ and ‘activities’ section. POF also has a website but I strongly prefer OKC to POF and I believe it has to do with the landing page and the systems just seeming so out of date. I feel like my laptop should have a dial-up when I visit that site. I’ve heard plenty of relationship success stories through Tinder and OKC where as I’ve never even heard of anyone meeting up on POF but maybe it was more popular back when it started in 2003.

Match – is another old landing page. I know Match’s demographic leans older but the website could really use an update. The reasons I tried Match was in part because of those new commercials that seem to be targeting a younger demographic. I was curious to see if the marketing had worked and since you have to pay for Match I figured more people seriously looking for a relationship would gravitate there. The Marketing Campaign does not seem to be have much of an effect on the membership age so far since there is still a limited amount of 20 somethings aged profiles. Even if I was 20 years older, I would not be impressed by Match.

Coffee Meets Bagel- is unique because it severely limits the amount of profiles you can view in a day. They will either pick out a ‘bagel’ for you daily or allow you to browse 10 profiles and pick one for that day. This forces you to take each profile more seriously instead of mindlessly swiping for hours. Something CMB used to do but has since gotten rid of was getting feedback from you whenever you ‘passed’ on your potential match for that day. The other odd thing about CMB is that connections only stay open for a week and thereby the app forces you to forfeit the communication or move on to another messaging app. Although CMB is an app only dating space like Tinder and Bumble, it encourages more in-depth bios by including height, religion, self summary, likes and hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a date.

Hinge- is oddly exclusive as the app could only be downloaded if you have an iPhone until now with the launch of the app for Android users. Hinge has you log in via your Facebook so that they can access your friends network and start matching you with friends of friends. I think this paired with the fact that you’re only given 15 or so matches a day ups the chances of finding someone looking for an actual relationship. If you’re just looking for random hook ups you probably don’t want it to be someone you could run into later at a friend’s BBQ nor would you want to limit your ‘hey you up’ text to only 15 people. A downfall though has perhaps been the limit of users because with over 600 Facebook friends, I regularly pass the same profiles every week and began visiting the app less and less.

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The Boyfriend does Q&A!

DD: The tables have finally turned! My Boyfriend is giving us a Tell All on our relationship and I get to hear his inner thoughts on some questions you guys have been wondering! Let’s get this show started!

1.How do you feel about her? by Homelife

That’s an easy question, I love her. From the first date that we went on I could tell that she was different from any girl that I had ever met before, and over the past couple of months I’ve considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for having her in my life.

2. How do you feel about your gf blogging about you and your relationship? Do you read what she writes? Approve/ edit? by Floating Gold

To be honest, at first it felt a little weird for me. But that’s mostly because DD creates all of her content several months before posting it to this blog, so when we first started dating she was still posting about going on dates with other guys. But ever since she started posting about me, I absolutely love reading it. It really shows me how much she loves me.

DD: I consider majority of my posts about Boyfriend to be some form of a love letter and I think it holds more feeling and impact if he doesn’t see them until the finished project is ready. But I will sometimes send him poems before they are published on here.

3. Opposites attract or two peas in a pod?

For the most part, two peas in a pod. I’m sometimes shocked by how similar our personalities are. We both seem to have the same values and morals. Both of us are the type who would rather spend a night cuddling up and watching a good show or movie than going out to a bar or club. Our similarities make it very easy to spend time together because we usually agree on what it is that we want to do.
However, we do have some differences. DD is a morning person who can easily wake up when her alarm sounds, while I’m the kind of person who hits the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. (DD: literally impossible to wake him up…)I like to drink beer, DD only drinks hard cider. DD also has an amazing short-term memory, but a horrible long-term memory, entire parts of her childhood she can’t remember. I’m the opposite, I can remember things that happened years ago in great detail, but I have a terrible short-term memory, so we balance each other out. But perhaps the biggest difference is that I know that beagles are the best breed of dogs, while DD still thinks that Shiba Inu’s are the best. (DD: You’ll come around to the truth eventually mwhaha)

4. When did you know you really liked DD?

As DD mentioned in a previous post, she had been on a few dates prior to our first date, and so had I. As a matter of fact, both of us went on dates with other people the night before our first date together. Even crazier, both of us almost cancelled going on that first date with each other. Fortunately we didn’t cancel, and the date that we both thought would be a quick dinner date that would last for an hour at best, turned into a date that lasted nearly six hours. So to answer the question, the first date was when I knew that I really liked DD.

5. What’s been your favorite date so far?

This is a hard question, because we’ve had so many great dates. Also it’s hard to tell what is considered a date and what is not. My answer to this question may be slightly controversial because it lasted an entire weekend. The time we took a trip to Upstate New York. This was our first trip together and the longest continuous amount of time we spent together. I made a playlist of our favorite songs for the road trip up to Albany. Albany is the city where I went to college, so I know the city very well and had a lot of fun showing DD all of my favorite places. When I introduced her to my two best friends from college who both still live in Albany, I was very worried because they never liked any of my other girlfriends before, but they absolutely loved DD.
The second day of our trip is what really made it special though. As we were driving up to Saratoga from Albany, we stopped at a park along the way that overlooked Cohoes Falls. As we were standing on a bridge overlooking the water fall, I told DD that I loved her, it was my first time saying it, but it just felt right to say it. Once we got to Saratoga we stayed at this cute little hotel that had a courtyard with a fireplace. That night we sat next to the fire for hours cuddling and talking. Everything felt perfect.

6. What your favorite feature about your lady? (nothing too cliche please or inappropriate) by Bexoxo

My favorite feature about DD is her smile. Whenever she gets excited about something she gets this big grin on her face that’s absolutely adorable. (DD: I remember he once described this ‘big grin’ as taking up half of my face, which sounds creepy, not adorable if you ask me…)She also has a great body too, but I can’t get too inappropriate so I’ll just leave it at that.

7. So now that you’ve found love, tell us how should we find it?

Unlike DD, this is not my first relationship. I’ve been in several others, some of which were downright terrible, others which just didn’t have the spark needed to sustain a successful relationship. My advice would be that if you’re in a relationship with somebody and you are unhappy or just don’t feel the magic, get out of it, because you never know when the perfect person will walk into your life and the last thing you want is to miss that opportunity.

8. Who’s more romantic? What was the romantic gesture?

I would say that I’m the more romantic one, I’m always trying to think of new and creative romantic things that I can do. Anything to make DD show me her smile.

DD: I would also agree Boyfriend is the more romantic one, he does it in simple thoughtful ways, like when he went on a business trip for a week but somehow secretly left a handwritten love note in my work bag to read while he was gone. He’s incredibly open in expressing his feelings for me and I can’t begin to explain how much I value that in a significant other.

9. What character name do you wish you had on the blog? What character name would you give DD if you had a blog?

The name that she gave me is perfect. Originally, she wanted to name me “boats” because our first couple of dates all took place near the water, (DD: Honestly, he realllllyy likes boats…)but I convinced her that boats was a stupid name.

10. When did you find out about the blog? by Formerly Unfortunate

When we first started talking online, I saw the link to the blog on her Instagram. I checked it out a little bit, but it didn’t deter me from going on our first date.

11. Have you read the old posts? If so, what did you think and if not, what made you refrain from doing so? by Dating Dad

I have read some of the old posts. As I mentioned in one of my other answers, it did make me feel a little weird at first, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

DD: Thank god Boyfriend doesn’t have a blog because we all know how I would handle old posts… 

12. What do you think made you stand out from the crowd and secure official boyfriend status? by Dating Dad

To be honest, I have no clue. As I said neither one of us wanted to go on the first date, and to make matters worse, I had a stain on my shirt that I didn’t find out about until later that night. But somehow I was able to stand out from the crowd, and I’m thankful that I did.

DD: I can, of course, list things I love about Boyfriend such as his work ethic and ability to make me laugh but I also wonder why we clicked so well on that first date and how that connection continues to grow months and months later. All I know for sure thought is that I feel so safe in his love for me and it’s so easy to love him back.

13. End the debate, is DD dateable?

Yes!

 

When DD first told me that I would be answering questions for her blog I got a little nervous, but answering these questions has actually been a lot of fun for me. Writing my answers got me to think back and relive the last couple of months that DD and I have spent together, and what makes her so special. I look forward to seeing the response that this post gets on her blog, I look forward to reading more of her posts, and of course I look forward to loving her some more. (DD: Aww, he’s so frinking cute!)

Ex-Mas

The holidays bring up all kinds of feelings like Joy, Love, Loneliness, and Nostalgia. One begins to think of what they accomplished (or failed to) over the past year and all the holiday parties have a way of pointing out how alone they feel. The Holidays have a way of making someone think back to times when they were wanted and comforted.

Suddenly you get text from your ex!

Why?!

First option is that they’re just bored and horny. These are the fuckboys that breadcrumb you, maybe it’s one from your local neighborhood and you’re both home for the holidays with not much to do. Or if they’ve been lonely for a while, the holiday season really puts them in ‘the mood’ wink wink*.

Second option is that your ex want to reconnect. It’s possible you’ve only been broken up for a short time. They still miss the connection and comfort of having someone there. They may still even have feelings for you and view the holidays as the perfect time to reestablish communication. They’re hopeful they can win you over again and maybe restart a once great relationship.

Lastly, is the ex who just likes to catch up, kinda like distant cousins or friends from high school. Like the relatives you only see during the holidays, this ex just wants to exchange polite hellos and how have you beens, but not much feeling flowing between the two of you. You appreciate a relationship that once was, but know it will stay in the past.

So do you respond to the text?

You have needs too, if you want an ex to scratch that itch then so be it. But remember ambers can start fires again, be careful you don’t get burned. Maybe you’re not the only ex nostalgic about an old relationship. Did it end poorly? For good reasons? Are you open to reconnecting too? If you’re in a new relationship then it’s important to talk to your partner about comfort level. Sure the third type of ex is respectful but if the first type hits you up with a late night booty call then your current partner will most likely not appreciate it. Make sure everyone gets on the same page of where you stand.

Enjoy your holiday everyone!!

 

 

How Do You Meet Someone if You Don’t Party

The New Year is just weeks away and I know there have been plenty of holiday parties as well. Friends are on school break and family travel to gather together during this period. This is prime party season and you know your friends are going to want to drag you out to the bars. But maybe the party scene isn’t for you and you know you don’t want to find your future significant other at the bar. So where do you find them?

If you love doing something, you’ll probably want to share your passions with your SO. So join the gym, the hiking club, or that pottery class. For starters, you’ll be super happy digging into your hobby and honing your skill. You’ll learn new things and hopefully meet new people while you’re at it. Maybe you’ll form chemistry with a special someone as you gush to each other about the new trail the club conquered last weekend.  I always second guessed myself when thinking of joining a new club and I think I missed out on a lot of fun and new opportunities by overthinking it. I hope you find the courage where I didn’t.

But if you’re hoping to stay closer to your comfort zone then this next idea might be more your speed and you’ve already done half of the work. You already have friends and they have other friends and those friends have friends. Your networking circle just quadrupled instantly and it’s time to explore the new dating pool! Your friends may know of a singleton who might share some of the same interests and values you do.

But maybe all the guys your friends know are sooo not your type. That’s okay because there’s a big dating pool right at your finger tips. Online dating opens you up to so many new people you would never have met or ran into otherwise. With dating profiles you can openly write what you’re looking for and things that interests you. This makes dating a lot easier than talking to a new person at the bar every weekend only to find out at the end of each night that he’s just not the one for you. Of course, not everyone is interested in dating apps and that’s okay. You can combine option 1 and option 3 by joining an online community of your interest/ hobby. Here you can chat with like minded people about things you enjoy and you may even discover a special connection.

Modern Online Dating Etiquette

Times have definitely changed when it comes to dating and it’s time these dating rules get an update. No more waiting three days to call nor footing every bill to the male. We’re strong, independent women who no longer need a man…still we want him.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned this guy who would talk about his other dates on our dates. That’s rule number 1, when using dating apps we all know you’re in different stages of talking and dating multiple people. You’re doing it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, the trick is to not be the jerk who talks about it. You don’t impress me by telling me about the obsessive girl texting you during our date and I definitely don’t care about the girl you saw last night when I was busy. Instead, I’ll think you’re more interested in those girls or maybe just a guy who’s so starved for attention he needs it from multiple girls.

But with everyone going on multiple dates, you need to make an impression and establish a connection quicker. In the past you might keep the conversation light so you don’t rock the boat too early, but now we tend to dive into important topics within the first couple of dates. There are so many profiles and options with online dating, you need to know if this person is a good match for you ASAP so you don’t waste your time and miss out on a better fish.

Before the age of texting, suitors used to wait three days to call, I guess in order to not seem too desperate? Now you can text the same night the date ends or the next day, saying how you enjoyed yourself, thanking them for a fun evening, and hoping to see them again. It’s no longer seen as desperate, in fact if you wait longer than the next day they’re more likely to think you’re not interested and probably move on.

I wrote about when the right time for a first kiss is but with the way modern dating is going now, people are doing a lot more than just kissing on the first date. Some people are just looking for something casual and there are plenty of long-term couples that say they started out just hooking up so there’s really no rule now on how soon is too soon. As long as you’re both being honest about what you’re looking for, then go all the way on the first day and have fun!

The etiquette of a man always paying for dates started long ago when it made much more sense in society. Society has been changing though with more women in the workforce and the wage gap closing in. The bill doesn’t always have to fall on the man now, plenty of couples go dutch or figure out other ways to share equal weight of the finances.

Let me know of some more modern dating rules you follow in the comments!

 

The Dating Curse -Part Two

Months ago I wrote about my dating curse with having relationships end as soon as I deleted my dating apps. I combatted this curse while dating my boyfriend by just deleting the apps after our second date. This way, I couldn’t blame the apps if things didn’t work out.

The second curse I forgot to mention is my 7 week curse. I think all of my dating relationships have a 7 week lifespan. This curse was kind of broken by Mr Romantic but his work schedule would cause him to be away for several weeks at a time and that could have confused the curse, plus we never reached Boyfriend/Girlfriend label.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend and telling my friends about him, I also happened to tell a friend about this curse and how I worried things could be going too well. She laughed at how I was able to make up such a curse and it was finally at that moment I realized

OMG I’M LITERALLY CREATING A PROBLEM OUT OF THIN AIR!!

I didn’t have a dating curse, I have intimacy issues. And in a desperate attempt to save myself from not having to be vulnerable, I made up this curse.

(SPOILER ALERT: I made up the first dating ‘curse’ too)

In my current relationship, we very quickly graduated from casually dating to official Boyfriend/Girlfriend status. This would normally have my intimacy issues in full-blown panic mode, “it’s all moving too fast” “is he positive he actually likes me” “how embarrassing will it be if we ‘break up’ in a month”. I’m a bit of a runner when it comes to relationships so the fact that I wasn’t feeling any of those alarm bells had me thinking that I had beat my intimacy issues!

And then my thoughts started circling this 7 week curse and I realized, No I still have intimacy issues, they’re just wearing a different costume this time. They won’t win this time though because with knowledge comes power. Now that I’m aware of how my intimacy issues are acting this time, I can make a conscious effort to fight them and be the healthier version of me that gets to keep this great guy.

Of course, this is a war against my issues and insecurities, I won’t win every battle so make sure to read next week’s article on how I nearly sabotage my relationship.

 

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

The date had gone well and he was walking me to my car when instead of asking about our second date he says “we gotta start thinking about what we’re going to tell people about how we met”. Honestly, I was a little taken back. Should I be offended? Is he embarrassed of me? about how we met?

Of course, I couldn’t really be offended because I had similar thoughts just last week. Dating apps are where all the people who have been rejected in their real life congregate. Honestly though, that’s not exactly true. If you work really long hours or in an industry predominately populated by the gender you’re not interested in then you’re just not meeting enough people in the outside world that you could even consider dating. When I first joined online dating, I was in college surrounded mainly by college guys who were only interested in hooking up and partying. Since neither of those interests me, I decided to search for people who actually matched my interests.

Perhaps 5 years ago, when dating apps were much less mainstream, the few people meeting online would be embarrassed about admitting how they met. Now though, 49,650,000 people have tried online dating out of the 54,350,000 singles in the US. For those that haven’t given it a try, they probably still know a relative, friend, or coworker who is on a dating app. So if you’re talking to someone under 75 years old then you most likely don’t have to worry about anyone asking which fishing dock is named Plenty of Fish.

But maybe the issue isn’t IF people know about dating apps, it’s WHAT they know about them. Are dating apps seen in a negative light? Do people look down at those on such sites? But with one-third of marriages starting online, it now seems like an appropriate possibility with reasonable success for relationships. Sure, Tinder will probably always be seen as the hook up app or just a mobile game everyone plays now to pass the time. But even then, I still know a couple that originally met on Tinder now planning their wedding for next year.

Or maybe, it’s time we care less about what people think of us and our dating lives. If you’re dating a guy who treats you well and makes you happy, who cares how you met him! Your close friends and family will forget all about his dating profile once they begin to see him together with you more. And for everyone else’s opinions who don’t really matter, you’ll be too busy holding hands and making future plans to ever worry about such opinions.