dating in your 20s

What to Get Your Significant Other for the Holidays?

Some Significant others are hard to shop for whether they’re selfless, minimalist, or some other reason. The best way to get around this is to buy them some type of experience. By that, I mean an event or date you two can do together. This way you’ve shown your love by paying for something and you know they’ll enjoy it because they always enjoy spending time with you.

Event ideas: sporting tickets, plays, cooking classes, paint night, and concerts.

Maybe you’re not really the romantic type and you view the holidays as the one time need to really show your SO how much you truly love them. Attention to detail is important here, your SO wants to know you cherish every memory together just like they do. Think back to when you first meet, the date, the place, any inside jokes or little details you can recall.

Romantic route: engraved necklace with anniversary date or other significance, framed photo of the two of you

I talk about online dating quite a lot, there’s a good chance if you’re a new couple then you met through a dating app. This is a tech savvy generation and it would be no surprise if your SO wants one of the new tech product or accessories coming out.

Tech products: iPad, camera, or speakers (add a personal touch by customizing a case for your significant other)

Something I love is listening to my Boyfriend talk about his passions. The spark in his eye and the child like excitement when he really starts getting into such a topic is so fun for me. The joy radiates off him and even I start to get excited, like a puppy when family walks in the door. Buying something related to your SO’s passion or hobby will give them at that excitement and they will cherish the fact that you pay attention to the things they care about.

Something for their hobby: sporting equipment, seasons of their favorite tv show, art supplies, signed collectables item, or cook book

The last suggestion is not that original but it’s hard to go wrong here. With the cold months approaching they might be lacking some proper attire. It’s practical, functional, and stylish to get winter clothes for your SO. Plus you can pair it with a winter date idea like ice skating or a ski trip. It’s a cute way to introduce the date idea and give them something tangible to open besides tickets to an event.

Apparel for a cute winter date: hats, scarves, gloves, and shoes/boots/slippers

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Second Chances

I wrote about how the cliche for my relationship is ‘timing is everything’ I figured today I’ll explain that a little bit more. I first started talking to my boyfriend on a dating app about a year ago. We probably only talked 3-4 weeks and we never ended up meeting. That wasn’t without lack of trying of course, I was open to meeting up and so was he.

But timing wasn’t right and we were looking for different things so 8 months passed before The Boyfriend randomly contacted me. Now that we were in different points of our lives, I told him why I thought we never met up all that time ago. We made up for lost time and met up just a few days after reconnecting.

He was wearing glasses and dirt on the shoulder of his black shirt from a work event he just came from. I was surprised by the instant attraction I had to him and also a bit surprised to hear myself an hour later saying yes to going down to the docks after we ate.   An hour date turned into five hours and I was thankful for second chances.

I’m still surprised sometimes at how easy parts of the relationship are. My trust issues have always kept guys at a bit of a distance and yet in just a couple of weeks he claimed title as My First Boyfriend. My boyfriend plans dates/adventures/trips , puts in the effort to be romantic, and is transparent in his feelings for me. Of course, it isn’t all easy as I’ve mentioned before but any issue that pops up is an issue I want to face with him.

I’m not sure why a year ago things didn’t work out or if we had met up then maybe things would have? But maybe life was too crazy then and things needed to work themselves out. So we took our time meeting and here we are together at last.

Signs He Really Likes You

Back over the summer I wrote an article about when a guy isn’t into you, now I want to talk about when a guy IS into you. I must admit, it should be very obvious so if you’re reading this because you’re not sure then whether he likes you or not, he doesn’t like you as much as you deserve. But anyways, first:

He tells you how he feels (like I said, super obvious). He’ll tell you how happy he is when he’s with you, he’ll compliment your humor, personality, talents, and looks, and he’ll text you randomly saying how something reminded him of you and he had to let you know.

Of course, some fu*kboys are all talk and will tangle your heart with words about ‘our future’ and ‘what will we name our babies’. But then they only want to hang out at 3AM after they went out partying with their ‘boys’. If he really likes you, he wants to spend time with you wherever he can. He wants to take you to dinner, to a concert or park, on the couch in sweatpants, and to the diner for pancakes. Morning or night, sober or drunk, fancy event or ripped sweats, he wants to see all of you because he values you much more than a late night ego boost. There’s no game of waiting for the weekend to go out to the bars, he’ll text you Wednesday night to come watch Survivor or make a late night Diary Queen shake run.

You’ll spend a lot of time just the two of you but he will also make plans so that you can meet his friends/family. You will not be kept secret or hidden. Instead he wants to make sure other people in his life get to meet this awesome girl who’s been making him smile at his phone like a goon all the time. He wants to integrate you into his life, not separate you.

Lastly, is the signs of his emotional investment in you:

When he really likes you he wants to remember all the information and little details you tell him. He’ll ask about your family, your favorite TV shows, which foods you’re addicted to. He wants to remember how you take your coffee so he can surprise you with a cup just because.

Whether he’s buying you jewelry or just a random coffee at Starbucks, he’s wanting to give you things that will make you happy. Aside from the financial part of buying a gift, there’s also the emotional load of picking out a gift, debating between colors and options, and the stressful nerves wondering if he’s picked the right present to impress and please you.

But aside from the little details, he also wants to know the deep and heavy stuff too. Not every day can be good and fun, but he’s going to stick around anyway. He’ll ask for embarrassing stories, sad memories, and your fears about the future. He wants to hear about the crappy days and comfort you however he can. He’s emotionally invested and your comfort and happiness are important to him.

You deserve love and you deserve someone who can give you the type of love you want.

Modern Online Dating Etiquette

Times have definitely changed when it comes to dating and it’s time these dating rules get an update. No more waiting three days to call nor footing every bill to the male. We’re strong, independent women who no longer need a man…still we want him.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned this guy who would talk about his other dates on our dates. That’s rule number 1, when using dating apps we all know you’re in different stages of talking and dating multiple people. You’re doing it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, the trick is to not be the jerk who talks about it. You don’t impress me by telling me about the obsessive girl texting you during our date and I definitely don’t care about the girl you saw last night when I was busy. Instead, I’ll think you’re more interested in those girls or maybe just a guy who’s so starved for attention he needs it from multiple girls.

But with everyone going on multiple dates, you need to make an impression and establish a connection quicker. In the past you might keep the conversation light so you don’t rock the boat too early, but now we tend to dive into important topics within the first couple of dates. There are so many profiles and options with online dating, you need to know if this person is a good match for you ASAP so you don’t waste your time and miss out on a better fish.

Before the age of texting, suitors used to wait three days to call, I guess in order to not seem too desperate? Now you can text the same night the date ends or the next day, saying how you enjoyed yourself, thanking them for a fun evening, and hoping to see them again. It’s no longer seen as desperate, in fact if you wait longer than the next day they’re more likely to think you’re not interested and probably move on.

I wrote about when the right time for a first kiss is but with the way modern dating is going now, people are doing a lot more than just kissing on the first date. Some people are just looking for something casual and there are plenty of long-term couples that say they started out just hooking up so there’s really no rule now on how soon is too soon. As long as you’re both being honest about what you’re looking for, then go all the way on the first day and have fun!

The etiquette of a man always paying for dates started long ago when it made much more sense in society. Society has been changing though with more women in the workforce and the wage gap closing in. The bill doesn’t always have to fall on the man now, plenty of couples go dutch or figure out other ways to share equal weight of the finances.

Let me know of some more modern dating rules you follow in the comments!

 

How I Nearly Sabotaged My Relationship

You might have thought that the fact that I now have a Boyfriend would solve the question of if I’m dateable or not. Well, I think the Jury might still be out on that one because Fun Fact – you can still try to ruin your love life whether you’re casually dating or married!

I’ve spoken about my intimacy issues a few times (comfortable, dating curse 2, ) and I know there is still a lot of work I have to do on myself with elevating my self-esteem to the healthiest point and not letting my insecurities consume my thoughts.

Like most girls, when I like a boy I will try to learn about his interests and hobbies to see if they’re something I might enjoy or to decide if maybe he’s not as perfect for me as I thought. Whether through unrequited love or boredom, my obsession to stalk social media has mastered some pretty impressive skills over the years (ladies, I think you understand lol).

So you scroll and stalk until suddenly its 2013 (okay fine, 2009) and you’ve found the ex girlfriend… and the friends with benefits and the almost relationship girl. You’ve dug deep enough to uncover every skeleton in his past. Unfortunately, the most likely scenario here is that you’ve dug too deep and you’ve made enough room to put yourself into an early grave as well.

played self

Photo Credit

I take full responsibility for knowing I have insecure tendencies and still stalking anyway. I’ve been lied to before so I tell myself that I want to see all the hits coming this time. Instead, I’m letting the past be the third person in our relationship. My insecurities and trust issues are the couple we most often go on double dates with.

I have to learn to stop digging into the past, it’s not the present for a reason. Leave it where it’s supposed to be. Take comfort in the present and treat each person as an individual instead of assigning him character traits of the boys who have let you down. He is not one of them, do not let your fears push him into being like them.

Stop stalking so much you fool!

Is it Okay that I Observe You so Carefully?

I’m memorizing every piece of you

I don’t mean to scare you or be rude

they just keep me company while you are gone.

I can play back a moment or conversation

and you go from my mind to right in front of my eyes.

You joke that in a few years I might forget you but

your scent will lingerie in every memory

from the watch you wear

to the way your hands feel in my hair,

you’ll haunt me long after you’ve truly gone.

 

-Aug 2017

 

 

 

The Dating Curse -Part Two

Months ago I wrote about my dating curse with having relationships end as soon as I deleted my dating apps. I combatted this curse while dating my boyfriend by just deleting the apps after our second date. This way, I couldn’t blame the apps if things didn’t work out.

The second curse I forgot to mention is my 7 week curse. I think all of my dating relationships have a 7 week lifespan. This curse was kind of broken by Mr Romantic but his work schedule would cause him to be away for several weeks at a time and that could have confused the curse, plus we never reached Boyfriend/Girlfriend label.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend and telling my friends about him, I also happened to tell a friend about this curse and how I worried things could be going too well. She laughed at how I was able to make up such a curse and it was finally at that moment I realized

OMG I’M LITERALLY CREATING A PROBLEM OUT OF THIN AIR!!

I didn’t have a dating curse, I have intimacy issues. And in a desperate attempt to save myself from not having to be vulnerable, I made up this curse.

(SPOILER ALERT: I made up the first dating ‘curse’ too)

In my current relationship, we very quickly graduated from casually dating to official Boyfriend/Girlfriend status. This would normally have my intimacy issues in full-blown panic mode, “it’s all moving too fast” “is he positive he actually likes me” “how embarrassing will it be if we ‘break up’ in a month”. I’m a bit of a runner when it comes to relationships so the fact that I wasn’t feeling any of those alarm bells had me thinking that I had beat my intimacy issues!

And then my thoughts started circling this 7 week curse and I realized, No I still have intimacy issues, they’re just wearing a different costume this time. They won’t win this time though because with knowledge comes power. Now that I’m aware of how my intimacy issues are acting this time, I can make a conscious effort to fight them and be the healthier version of me that gets to keep this great guy.

Of course, this is a war against my issues and insecurities, I won’t win every battle so make sure to read next week’s article on how I nearly sabotage my relationship.