dating

Detached

I keep it light and easy

Don’t want to seem so clingy

so I’ll reach out to another girl

with you in the back of my mind.

I try to let all your excuses 

roll off my back.

But maybe you’re too complicated

for any attachments.

I sure know how to waste my time.

 

 

-Nov 2019

Talking to Multiple Daters

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching so I thought it would be a fun time to talk about why it’s okay and common to talk to multiple daters at the same time while using dating apps.

 

When on dating apps you tend to get a batch of matches at the same time. This increases your chances of starting multiple conversations at the same time. Based solely on numbers, it’s nearly impossible to only talk to one person at a time. You could miss out on making a great connection if you wait too long to talk to someone.

 

Since you’re getting batches of matches on different days, you’ll progress in conversations at different rates. You’ll be ready to meet one guy as you start out with hellos with someone else. When meeting someone for the first time, you still don’t know how much you like them and if there’s any in person chemistry. It’s perfectly normal to still keep up conversation with other people so that you’re not starting from complete scratch if the date doesn’t go well.

 

Having connections with more than one person, helps with the let down when a date doesn’t go well or if someone randomly ghosts you. You don’t have to keep all your eggs in one basket. You also don’t want to seem needy or lame, so talking to multiple people helps keep each conversation casual and replies at a normal speed.

 

Talking to multiple people is a completely normal practice in the modern online dating world and you can delete the apps or stop talking to daters at your own speed. Just be honest about what you’re looking for and what your expectations are.

 

Darling Blues

Oh darling, won’t you swing those sweet blue eyes my way?

Oh darling, I see the way you’re smiling at him

and I wonder what I could do to have you look at me that way.

 

Oh darling, I promise you tears only from too much laughter

and when the pain comes I promise to hold you through it all.

 

Oh darling, I know he makes you happy

But you could still turn around and give us a chance.

 

-Oct 2019

I Wonder If I Cross Your Mind

I wonder if your sister ever got married.

I wonder what you taste like.

I wonder if your friend likes his job out of state.

I wonder how strong your arms

would feel wrapped around me.

 

I wonder if you wonder about me.

I wonder if you remember the details of my life

like I do yours. 

I wonder how deep your love

could fill my chest.

I wish I didn’t have to wonder at all. 

 

 

-Sept 2019

Digital Love Language

Some of us may be familiar with the 5 love languages but I thought with this modern dating era, there might be a second layer.

 

Constant Texting

Some people want that constant connection and interaction. They want to talk about their day, about events with friends, and random childhood memories. They want to learn everything about you, every detail and corner of your mind. These couples place high value on long notes detailing how much you love them and being the first thing you think of when you wake up. 

 

Facetime  

You don’t need the constant communication but when you do communicate you want it to have more quality. You want to vent and tell stories to each other with full animation and all the tea. Some couples just feel more connected by being in the same environment together and not necessarily talking. You want to see that smile, hear that laugh, and see their face light up when talking about their day

 

Sending Memes

These individuals may have a hard time expressing how they feel in their own words so they use art and published words to tell someone how they’re feeling. This is an easy, maybe passive way of keeping a connection which can be good for when you have a crush on someone. It also works well in long term relationship as a simple way to show that they’re thinking about you throughout the day. This is a way to make your partner laugh or communicate the type of mood you’re in.

 

Social Media  

They need everyone to know just how much they love you! They’re so proud of all your accomplishments, they’ll have a picture and paragraph for every one. Their social media followers will know of every good deed you’ve done from cooking dinner to trips to the beach. They may also know about every fight or embarrassing act you’ve done as well though. For better or worse, their followers have front row seats to your relationship.

 

I’m happy I don’t really care about dating apps right now

I knew when I downloaded the apps that I didn’t want to jump right into anything. I also knew it takes a long time to meet someone you actually want to go on more than one date with so I wasn’t too worried about it. The reason I downloaded the apps in the first place right after the break up was because I wasn’t sure I could handle all the sudden down time and lack of daily communication to someone. 

People would ask what I was looking for on the apps and I found it kind of difficult to answer because I really didn’t know. As some conversations progressed to the potential of meeting up I found out that I really wasn’t interested in that so soon after becoming single. I found myself falling into one of the distinct categories of app users; I was on the apps just to talk but never meet up and basically just waste my time so I would be less bored.

Swiping through users was just a game to pass time and I found bumble annoying because it forced me to start a conversation within 24 hours. I tried a few apps just to see what they were about but in the end found myself using tinder the most of it’s easy, basic use. After a few weeks, I let new matches sit for days before even thinking about reaching out and in general, just spending less time on the app at all.

I didn’t really care for the conversations, they were all the same and I didn’t want them leading anywhere. Since I wasn’t looking for any type of partner there wasn’t much reason or interest to swipe through the sea of potential daters either.

I’m content to just make plans with my sisters, work on my blog, watch new tv shows, and focus on my schoolwork. I’ve been debating with myself when I might be interested in dating again and the answer is definitely not anytime soon. It’s a very different attitude than I’ve had for the past 5 years but I’m really happy with it. 

 

20 Funny reasons you can swipe left

Being on dating apps can wear you down quick if you don’t learn to find ways to laugh through the rough swipes. So here’s 20 Funny reasons you can swipe left!

  1. You don’t like their name

  2. its taking more than 10 seconds to figure out which person you should actually be looking for in all those group shots

  3. they wear their baseball caps weirdly high on their head

    Screen Shot 2019-10-14 at 8.41.05 PM
    http://www.modernman.com
  4. If his friends are hotter

  5. They flaunt their car too much

  6. There’s only one picture and it’s not even of a person

  7. All that vape smoke they’re exhaling is not impressing anyone

  8. They think they’re cool (have some humble pie)

  9. They don’t include their face at all

  10. Their bio says something like “good vibes only” or nothing at all

  11. They have a soul patch (or any other terrible facial hair)

  12. Their first picture is not of themselves (this has been a pretty good rule of thumb because normally clicking for the second photo is never worth it)

  13. because you know your mom won’t like their tattoo sleeve Screen Shot 2019-10-14 at 8.44.08 PM

  14. They make fun of what a girl’s bio usually says

  15. They talk about how they hate this app and don’t even know why they’re on it

  16. They’re just visiting town for a week or so 

  17. He has any piercings 

  18. They’re still using high school pictures

  19. They make any sort of demand in their bio (ie. ‘make me laugh’, ‘must be a fellow gymrat’, or something disgustingly dominant)

  20. If they have too many hunting or fishing pictures 

Tinder’s Swipe Night

Tinder seems to be out with a new marketing tool in order to get users on the app. It’s called Swipe Night!

Screen Shot 2019-10-21 at 1.33.33 PM

 

October 6th was the first I ever saw of this so I’m not sure how long it’s been going on for but I can tell you about this series. This series seems to be 4 episodes long which means it runs from October 6th to the 27th. It’s only on Sundays from 6PM -midnight, I’m assuming it knows everyone’s time zones so perhaps hours vary.

Screen Shot 2019-10-28 at 1.24.26 PM

So the deal is you watch a 5 minute video making 3 decisions along the way that shapes your adventure. You can later learn if other users make the same choices you did. This series follows a Comet Party that turns into an end of the world scenario. Chaos ensues and it’s up to you to decide where you want to go, if you want to help anyone, and some other minor decisions. It’s quick, easy to use, and fairly entertaining so I say it’s a good job done by the Tinder Marketing team.

The first episode was probably my favorite perhaps because it was knew but definitely because it asked a really good question. In this series you have 3 friends that talk to you. You quickly learn your male friend is cheating on his girlfriend and you have the option to Tell the Girlfriend or Keep the Secret. Then when you’re swiping you can see which answer your suitors picked and immediately know where their values lie.

Here’s how it looks when you’re on someone’s profile:

For anything you both have in common, it’s in Blue. On the left you can see I only had 1 choice in common and more importantly to me, they choose to cover for their friend and hide the cheating.

On the right, I ended the episode at the same spot and we had 2 other choices in common. From the 3 answers I could say we both value honest and like puppies. And he could say I’m more social media obsessed than he is. So you could learn some useful things without having to ask in conversation. Seeing the answers could also be a conversation starter.

In later episodes, I’ve noticed that I sometimes picked a choice that the game/ video didn’t agree with and ‘my friends’/the actors would say something that would redirect us to how the game wants the episode to play out. Noticing this, I then considered picking the more aggressive choice just to see how the virtual game would play out. If you continue on this trend then sharing common answers with other users becomes useless.

The biggest issue of all though, is that after you play the episode you can then go back to swiping but that Sunday night, the app does not seem to factor in location at all. I consider it a waste because that night I would mainly see profiles 40- 99 miles away from my location. No one I would ever realistically end up meeting in person and pointless to form any connection as it would never develop into anything else.

Now Tinder does have a bit of a reputation for being an app that people regular swipe on but don’t necessarily talk on and even more rarely meet through. That’s the only explanation I have for the algorithm excluding location on episode nights. The next day the app is essentially back to normal and you can still see answers from people locally.

Overall, Swipe Night is unique and interesting. It’s useful in getting users on the app but probably doesn’t improve match ratings at all.