defense

Paying for the Ex’s Mistakes

I’ve developed a bad defense mechanism over my dating history. I tend to stay away from guys who are in the same profession as my exes. My motto has become: If one of you is a liar then all of you are liars!

That’s not really fair to make that stereotype but it’s a way to keep my heart safe. I’m on guard of you immediately if you suit up the same way as he did. Of course, all it took was one guy to break my trust and it would only take one guy that stays to break this stereotype and fear I have.

I’ve also started asking potential suitors “name three words that describe you”. It’s a good way to get to know what a person is really about but it’s also another defense mechanism. If anyone mentions stubborn as a character trait, it’s an immediate red flag. Perhaps regardless of my dating history, stubborn would be a red flag for most people since it signals someone who is uncompromising because their way is the only way. But I instantly close up because I’m not going down that road again (even if it was only in my mind).

I’ve paid for other’s mistakes as well, like when I broke Different‘s trust in a seemingly innocent act of looking through social media. Stubborn has also told me that I remind him of his ex. I didn’t ask in what ways but let’s be honest, she’s an ex for a reason and you don’t willingly dive back into the past.

The thing is no two people are the same and just because it didn’t work out with him doesn’t mean I shouldn’t open up to someone similar in the future. It’s Stubborn’s history that stops him from making a new future and I need to stop carving down the same path.

It just takes one person to prove they’re not all the same.

 

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