The snow continues to fall, while I’m inside
hurting like Hell because you haven’t called.
I’m wondering if you ever really cared at all.
I can finally stop playing the fool
who thought we would always be together.
I’ve been through enough cold weather
and heart ache.
I’m sleeping just fine
while I’m probably on your mind
still keeping you up.
And you’re mad at yourself
for giving a damn
now that I’m gone.
And you’re mad at yourself
for not giving enough of a damn
back when I would have given you
my whole world
if that’s what you wanted.
But now I don’t care about what you want
You can tell it all to the ghost of mine
that still haunts when you can’t sleep.
I’m always testing the ones who love me
even though the number is few.
Sweet words are so foreign
I don’t trust them to be true.
Like the moon,
showing the world pretty bright lights
and hiding a part of itself never to be seen.
Letting people in is so hard when you know
They are so likely to go
after rubbernecking at the wreckage.
And bruises fade faster if no one keeps pressing into them.
When I was young I dreamed of reaching the moon
and I dreamed of saving the world.
I dreamed of becoming the best me I could be
but chasing dreams is harder than it seems
because disappointment and doubt appear to be the only things in route.
But I’m strong and I’ll survive
and only Love can keep the heart alive.
You try not to care and yet I know you do.
I can’t stop myself from caring too.
But all roads still lead to guilty goodbyes.
She’ll never know the young woman
she could have been if she didn’t
grow up under your hawk eye criticism.
You talk about her big Italian nose
and her spilled out thighs
as if that nose didn’t come from you and your mother.
As if her first breathe wasn’t between yours.
You’ve always gone at your own pace
which leaves me hoping and waiting
for you
to finally want me
as much as I have wanted you.
Would you tell me
when it was time to let go?
-Oct 2019
