exes

Forest Fire

You talk about her and it lights a forest fire of destruction in my heart

my immediate reaction is to mention him so you might feel a lick of the pain I’m in.

It doesn’t make it any better when you speak ill of her

with so much emotion in your voice, i can still feel her claws deep in you

Am I that deep in you yet?

Will you ever be able to forget me?

Can I replace her in your heart?

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I’m Selfish

I swear I am all you’ll ever need

You’ll never think of another woman again

Your thoughts will be consumed with your desire for me.

All day long you’ll be thinking of everything you want to tell me

And how it would be better if I was there with you.

There will never be another love like mine

Our lives were meant to align.

I’m selfish, I never want to share you with anyone else.

You’re all mine

That’s a tie you have to sever, I’m keeping you forever.

Give me all of you because you have all of me

Things I Wish I Didn’t Know

I know you love me

You love me more

than you’ve ever loved anyone else

But I know I’m not the first in your arms

And I can hear how she sweet talked you

How the heat of her body warmed your blood

How she sang into your ear like you two were the only ones in the crowd

The roads you took to spend another night beside her

The words you permanently printed into history about her

I know it all because you’ve shown me, told me, hurt me

You don’t even need to say her name anymore and I know

 

I know

 

But do you know how much it messes with me head?

How often moments with you are overridden

My mind replacing me with her

Flashbacks of memories I wasn’t even there for

Please make it stop.

The Parasite

I’m not sure why you still talk about her

Can’t you see that it hurts me?

You haven’t spoken to her in months but yet

Here she is again in our conversation

In your mind and in mine

I feel like she has a permanent place inside of you

Inside our relationship.

I feel crazy for not being able to let it go

But have you let her go?

She’ll drain us both if we let her

Ex-Mas

The holidays bring up all kinds of feelings like Joy, Love, Loneliness, and Nostalgia. One begins to think of what they accomplished (or failed to) over the past year and all the holiday parties have a way of pointing out how alone they feel. The Holidays have a way of making someone think back to times when they were wanted and comforted.

Suddenly you get text from your ex!

Why?!

First option is that they’re just bored and horny. These are the fuckboys that breadcrumb you, maybe it’s one from your local neighborhood and you’re both home for the holidays with not much to do. Or if they’ve been lonely for a while, the holiday season really puts them in ‘the mood’ wink wink*.

Second option is that your ex want to reconnect. It’s possible you’ve only been broken up for a short time. They still miss the connection and comfort of having someone there. They may still even have feelings for you and view the holidays as the perfect time to reestablish communication. They’re hopeful they can win you over again and maybe restart a once great relationship.

Lastly, is the ex who just likes to catch up, kinda like distant cousins or friends from high school. Like the relatives you only see during the holidays, this ex just wants to exchange polite hellos and how have you beens, but not much feeling flowing between the two of you. You appreciate a relationship that once was, but know it will stay in the past.

So do you respond to the text?

You have needs too, if you want an ex to scratch that itch then so be it. But remember ambers can start fires again, be careful you don’t get burned. Maybe you’re not the only ex nostalgic about an old relationship. Did it end poorly? For good reasons? Are you open to reconnecting too? If you’re in a new relationship then it’s important to talk to your partner about comfort level. Sure the third type of ex is respectful but if the first type hits you up with a late night booty call then your current partner will most likely not appreciate it. Make sure everyone gets on the same page of where you stand.

Enjoy your holiday everyone!!

 

 

Paying for the Ex’s Mistakes

I’ve developed a bad defense mechanism over my dating history. I tend to stay away from guys who are in the same profession as my exes. My motto has become: If one of you is a liar then all of you are liars!

That’s not really fair to make that stereotype but it’s a way to keep my heart safe. I’m on guard of you immediately if you suit up the same way as he did. Of course, all it took was one guy to break my trust and it would only take one guy that stays to break this stereotype and fear I have.

I’ve also started asking potential suitors “name three words that describe you”. It’s a good way to get to know what a person is really about but it’s also another defense mechanism. If anyone mentions stubborn as a character trait, it’s an immediate red flag. Perhaps regardless of my dating history, stubborn would be a red flag for most people since it signals someone who is uncompromising because their way is the only way. But I instantly close up because I’m not going down that road again (even if it was only in my mind).

I’ve paid for other’s mistakes as well, like when I broke Different‘s trust in a seemingly innocent act of looking through social media. Stubborn has also told me that I remind him of his ex. I didn’t ask in what ways but let’s be honest, she’s an ex for a reason and you don’t willingly dive back into the past.

The thing is no two people are the same and just because it didn’t work out with him doesn’t mean I shouldn’t open up to someone similar in the future. It’s Stubborn’s history that stops him from making a new future and I need to stop carving down the same path.

It just takes one person to prove they’re not all the same.

 

Why You Can’t Be Friends With Your Ex

When a relationship ends rather amicably, it makes it harder to really sever the ties. For my situation with Mr. Right, it was a logical decision to end things, not an emotional one. So it took longer for the emotions to align with our minds. It’s confusing trying to be friends with your ex. You read into conversations more, rethink how things could have been, and still crave that intimacy that is just out of reach now.

When you break up, you have to establish new friendship boundaries and that’s not something that easily happens over night. I’m not saying you can never be friends with your ex. I’m just saying that taking a break after a break up is extremely helpful in the healing process. Not taking time apart just delays the hurt and the loneness. You need some closure on that part of the relationship in order to open up the door for friendship again.

You have to remember that you can still do things on your own just fine and that you were never dependent on someone else. You need time to mourn the relationship as it was. If you don’t take this time, it could lead to ending the relationship but still hooking up for physical intimacy. Or perhaps you’re trying to persuade him back into a committed relationship. It’s a sticky situation when you’re just hooking up when feeling so emotionally attached. You’re putting yourself right in the line of fire to get your feelings really hurt.

It also makes it really difficult to move on and become emotionally available again when you’re in constant contact with your ex. If you’re still texting all hours of the day and you go to her when you hear great or terrible news, then you’re probably still kinda dating.

Relationships are complicated and break ups even more so. You don’t have to try to date someone new. But if a break up did happen then it might be a good time to reflect on yourself and the relationship. Figure out what you really need and want from your significant other and think about if your ex can really be that person.

This time of closure and reflection is all about you. So being friends with your ex while trying to sort out your own emotions makes things cloud and confusing. Allow yourself some solitude and clarity before reforming a relationship/friendship with your ex again.