hook up culture

Dating App Run Through

Tinder – probably got its fame by becoming notoriously known as the Hook Up App. No reason to spend time writing up a bio or putting up more than one picture, minimally effort required to Netflix and Chill. People also use Tinder as an ego boost, racking up as many matches as possible without ever messaging anyone. A game to pass the time, a swiping addiction that’s hard to stop even after you’ve found the one you want to exclusively date.

Bumble – Is like Tinder in the regard that there’s a short area for a bio and it’s the swiping game. The main different is that the girl has to be the one to make first contact. Some guys AND girls have issues with this because society says men should be making the first move and pursuing the woman. If your fragile ego is bothered by this then just stick to Tinder. The other difference from Tinder is the time limits. The girl has 24 hours to make initial contact and after that, the guy has an additional 24 hours to make that first response and establish a connection. I enjoy this because it forces acknowledgement. You don’t have to wonder if they’ll message you or if they even saw the message. The rule is simple, you snooze you lose. My one issue with Bumble is that I do wish it included ‘last active time’ because I know there are profiles that have not been touched in months and yet they still get in rotation. If you haven’t been on your active account in 2-3 months then it should be deactivated. Bumble also stands out because you can send picture messages which is not always the case with other dating apps.

OKCupid – I have given the nickname ‘Build-A-Boyfriend’ to OKC because it allows you to create criteria when searching for matches such as education level, body type, ethnicity, drinking/smoking preference, and ‘what you’re looking for’ (i.e. friends, long-term dating, casual). OKC is also very in-depth by asking prompt questions such as ‘self summary’, ‘what I’m doing with my life’, ‘favorite books, music, movies, food’ and survey type questions to help you match people with similar answers.. This allows you to really get to know a person and understand if you’re both looking for the same things. It also has a lot of added features that you can paid for with a monthly subscription. I also like that OKC has a website page as well as the app which both Tinder and Bumble do not.

Plenty Of Fish – has a lot of similarities to OKC like body type, ethnicity, and religion as well as creating a decent bio with an ‘about me’ and ‘activities’ section. POF also has a website but I strongly prefer OKC to POF and I believe it has to do with the landing page and the systems just seeming so out of date. I feel like my laptop should have a dial-up when I visit that site. I’ve heard plenty of relationship success stories through Tinder and OKC where as I’ve never even heard of anyone meeting up on POF but maybe it was more popular back when it started in 2003.

Match – is another old landing page. I know Match’s demographic leans older but the website could really use an update. The reasons I tried Match was in part because of those new commercials that seem to be targeting a younger demographic. I was curious to see if the marketing had worked and since you have to pay for Match I figured more people seriously looking for a relationship would gravitate there. The Marketing Campaign does not seem to be have much of an effect on the membership age so far since there is still a limited amount of 20 somethings aged profiles. Even if I was 20 years older, I would not be impressed by Match.

Coffee Meets Bagel- is unique because it severely limits the amount of profiles you can view in a day. They will either pick out a ‘bagel’ for you daily or allow you to browse 10 profiles and pick one for that day. This forces you to take each profile more seriously instead of mindlessly swiping for hours. Something CMB used to do but has since gotten rid of was getting feedback from you whenever you ‘passed’ on your potential match for that day. The other odd thing about CMB is that connections only stay open for a week and thereby the app forces you to forfeit the communication or move on to another messaging app. Although CMB is an app only dating space like Tinder and Bumble, it encourages more in-depth bios by including height, religion, self summary, likes and hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a date.

Hinge- is oddly exclusive as the app could only be downloaded if you have an iPhone until now with the launch of the app for Android users. Hinge has you log in via your Facebook so that they can access your friends network and start matching you with friends of friends. I think this paired with the fact that you’re only given 15 or so matches a day ups the chances of finding someone looking for an actual relationship. If you’re just looking for random hook ups you probably don’t want it to be someone you could run into later at a friend’s BBQ nor would you want to limit your ‘hey you up’ text to only 15 people. A downfall though has perhaps been the limit of users because with over 600 Facebook friends, I regularly pass the same profiles every week and began visiting the app less and less.

Advertisements

I Outgrew You

There is no ghost of you in my bed

He left to fill her sheets just like you did

So don’t hit me up late night wanting me to fix you

You choose your words carefully

Every line directed at her

Peppered with your vulnerable desire

I am not her stand in, I am not your second choice.

-June 2017

What Male Dating Profiles are Doing Wrong

Some guys might be wondering if there’s anything wrong with their profiles that are causing the lack in lady traffic or responses. Since I’ve been browsing profiles for a few years now I believe I have seen just about everything and might be able to point out some improvements.

Don’t: The profile that only has group pictures. I understand if you’re a guy who doesn’t like taking selfies or perhaps you’re trying to show how social you are. But if your profile only consists or 2 or 3 group pictures, chances are I’m not going to know which one is you. Due to the uncertainty or the effort required on my part to now do some investigative work and figure out if you’re the cute one or no, I’ll probably just swipe left. (Chances are you weren’t the cute one anyway).

Instead: Do a mix of group and solo shots. This way we know exactly who to be looking for and we also know other people like hanging out with you.

Don’t: The shirtless pictures. I mean I understand that gym/ cross fit fad going on and you’re showing off your results and how hip you are but come on man. I’ll either think you’re shallow or you hook up with someone who is shallow. Why don’t we let your muscles be an added bonus once we met?

Instead: Of course, if you’re just here to hook up then keep the picture, a girl will want to know what she’s working with. The only acceptable shirtless picture is one from the beach because it’s more nature and less staged to show off.

Don’t: Posing with Cars/Car pictures. If the picture is just of the car then you’re just flashing your money and you’re going to attract girls who only want your money. Or this is your project car and you’re a hobby mechanic in which these girls will have to know that car is your mistress. I’m not entirely sure that posing with the car is any better. Sure at least you’re in the picture and you could maybe make the argument that you’ve not showing off your muscle car but trust me, you don’t look cool leaning against the hood with your arms folded nor stretched out..

Instead: Maybe just include a line in your bio how you would love to take your date on a drive or how working on cars is one of your hobbies.

Don’t: The next issue could be from your bio. The two biggest issues are when a guy makes demands and when he’s very negative. Requirements like ‘short girls only’ or ‘no drama queens’ will most likely not give you the results you hope for. For starters, you limit your pool and seem shallow. Secondly, you seem like you don’t respect girls or can’t take responsibility for your own actions. There’s either a reason you have a crazy ex or you’re just making up the fact that she’s crazy.

Instead: You can get away with comments like “redheads are my weakness” and the like but stay away from close minded demands and requirements. Also don’t trash talk girls while trying to talk to a girl.. Just say positive things you are looking for in a girl like down to earth, fun, or loves to just chill on the couch.

Modern Romeo

I think he’s from Virginia or maybe Maryland.

I honestly can’t remember.

But he pleads for my time, fighting

for one of the million chances I’ve so easily thrown to you.

He begging for a shot to drive 5 hours for me

and you can’t even be burdened with 25 minutes.

This should tell me all I need to know.

And yet I still want more answers,

what’s she like? Does she live next door ?

I thought I could give you enough, do you want more?

 

-June 2017

To Ghost or Not to Ghost (Dating Honesty)

You could be getting to know a guy, only talking to him for a couple of days but it’s the weekend so he’s rushing a date you’re not really sure you want to go on yet. Or after talking for a bit you realize you’re not really interested in him, but you both already talked about your mutual love of tacos and a date was hatched days ago when you were more open to the idea (and you just can’t resist tacos).

There are two ways to get out of a date you don’t really want to go on. You either make up an excuse or be completely straight forward. Although I think it’s good to be honest and not lead someone on, some people do not accept no as an answer. Then there’s confrontation that could lead to you being guilted to go on the date anyway!

I’ve been on both sides of ghosting. Sometimes you’re both on the same page, the messages back and forth have become sporadic and you’ve both lost interest but you’re being polite in conversation. Some times I ghost you because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, you’re a nice guy with a solid job but our conversations have been bland and we just don’t have the chemistry. There’s nothing wrong with you so I don’t want you to start thinking that there is or resenting being told that you’re a ‘nice guy’. Other times I ghost you because I don’t want to deal with the backlash of your butt hurt feelings. You telling me how high you are at work everyday. We have different ideas of what fun is and I’m beginning to question how you’d handle life and stress in the future. I ghost you because I don’t want confrontation or to be bullied just because we’re not really a great match.

I get why people hate being ghosted though. You thought everything was going well and suddenly nothing. You wonder where it went wrong, if there was just a misunderstanding that could be worked out, what’s wrong with you that he left, or was it just that he found someone better? It’s arguably one of the worst dating etiquettes to break because it can really tear down someone’s self worth. It could be the reason someone gives up on love and the reason they stop loving themselves.

The thing is though, maybe the reason he leaves is the reason another man stays. Should you be constantly molding yourself, cutting off limbs so that you will be to his liking? You’re not meant to fit into everyone’s perfect match checklist box. And it’s a heavy burden to take responsibility of everyone’s self esteem. Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean you have to devalue yourself.

So ghost or not ghost, you’re still a person of worth.

 

Tequila on the Line

well it’s been a rough week

and I’m rather thirsty tonight

so I’m gunna call up my girls

and we’ll tear up the night

I didn’t call to say I missed you

I didn’t call to say I love you

I don’t want you back

I don’t want your body lying next to mine

no I didn’t call you up

It was tequila on the line

But what I do have to say to you is

I hope you’re hurting like hell

With the town gossip saying ‘he isn’t doing so well’

I hope you’re ready to come back begging on your knees

Because you can’t stand another sleepless night with me in your life

And I hope tequila calls me up tonight sayin

I called to say I missed you

I called to say I love you

I want you back

I want your body lying next to mine

It’s me on the line

-March 2014