I love you from afar
because up close I start to see
too many cracks
It’s so easy to love things
that are light and pretty
It’s so hard to stop myself
from running when it gets
heavy and dark.
I love you from afar
because up close I start to see
too many cracks
It’s so easy to love things
that are light and pretty
It’s so hard to stop myself
from running when it gets
heavy and dark.
I’m sure I could fall
Out of love with you
If you just gave me the chance.
Let me see why you’re no good for me
So I can finally let this fantasy die
So there was this guy I once had a crush on and it lasted many, many years. Nothing ever really happened so there isn’t much of a beginning to talk about but there is an End. We got in a fight because I felt the friendship was very one sided and I was probably also jealous of this girl he liked (and eventually dated). So the end went with him saying, “I only like you as a friend. Sorry.” And just like that it FINALLY clicked. It was over.
He was never going to like me as I wished he would. I needed that direct finality to ultimately stop living in this fantasy relationship alone (This is what I often tried to push Stubborn into saying. It’s also the reason I held on so long, because he could never say it).
Even though we weren’t exes, I feel like the best way to get over an ex is to cut off all contact for some time in order to ensure that no romantic feelings pop back up. Once I stopped putting in the effort to keep in touch with him, the friendship instantly ended. We talked a few times over the next 6 months to be polite but then it just all faded.
So it’s been years since we’ve seen each other and I liked keeping it that way. Now we’re both attending an event and it’s unavoidable. Here, I find myself wondering if he might like me now? Years have passed, I’ve changed my hair, my body has changed, and we’ve both done some growing up.
This is all insecure 16 year old me talking. The first guy she ever liked didn’t like her back and she wants to stop doubting that she’s not good enough.
No matter what color my hair is, I am still me. I will never be the love of his life and don’t want to be her. I’m also not who I used to be when I was 16. I have different wants and needs now; I want a different kind of relationship than I did as a teen. It wasn’t my hair color that stopped him from ever liking me and it surely won’t be the reason he would suddenly like me now.
We just weren’t a good match. That happens sometimes without it being anyone’s fault. That’s a hard reality to face. It took a very long time for me to learn that sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be together. It took me a long time to stop blaming this guy, Stubborn, and myself. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes you know the reason, other times you don’t.
You can’t make other people like you and you can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone you just don’t have chemistry with. The only person you could really do that with is yourself.
I’d hold your hand
trace my finger along the crook of your elbow
to the curve of your shoulder
the hills and valley of your chest
the slope of your neck
to the tussles of your soft, cinnamon hair.
When I was young I dreamed of reaching the moon
and I dreamed of saving the world.
I dreamed of becoming the best me I could be
but chasing dreams is harder than it seems
because disappointment and doubt appear to be the only things in route.
But I’m strong and I’ll survive
and only Love can keep the heart alive.
I love you.
You love me.
But it is not enough.
Just when I start to pull you close
Is when it starts to end.
It feels like irony
or heaven just in need of a laugh.
I need a man who will open his arms to me
and finally put this dating misery to an end.
-May 2020
I imagine falling apart in your arms
because I trust you to hold the pieces
as I put myself back together again.
-June 2020
I try to keep my distance
because I know loving me would be a bad idea.
Please don’t idolize the way I hold myself.
You want the fantasy of me
and that only leads to reality
breaking your heart.
I’m trying to save you
from the heartache you don’t deserve
Let me save you
before you make me a weak man.
-June 2020
The rain gently falls
and I wonder if it helps lull you to sleep.
I remember things you told me
from 3 years ago
But I’m wondering
if you’re still the same person now.
The thunder cracks and I realize
I’m wrong about you again
I’ll be releasing my third poetry collection in a month on July 16th!!
If I’m honest, I let this collection sit for a long time and I could have had it gone 6 months ago. But I’m very happy with the end result and I hope you will be too!
If you’re interested in an eARC, please reach out to me at ddateable@gmail !!
Let me tell you a little about the collection!!
Titled: Even the Leaves
Synopsis: Even the Leaves fell for you, so how could you except me not to?
This collection explores how Mother Nature nurtures and shapes us through every part of our lives. This collection expresses relationships with family, partners, and yourself through aspects of nature such flowers and mountains, seasons and months, animals, and bodies of water. Nature is a medium that connects us all.
Length: 67 pages
Release Date: July 22nd
Available on Amazon !
You give so much of yourself so freely.
So freely, I wonder how there is any of you left.
But you are bright, full, and soft.
I want to keep getting my fill of you
All while telling you to guard your heart for once.
There are pieces of you
in people that did not deserve you.
But I know with a heart your size,
You didn’t even miss the flakes that fell.
-March 2020