intimacy

How to Find your Boo for the Night

Halloween is the perfect time to cut loose and have some fun! It’s a night you’ve planned with your friends and have spent weeks finding the right costume. Now it’s time to find the right boo! It’s empowering and can be a good way to escape the regular day to day stress to spend the night with someone.

 

The Party

The easiest way you’ll probably find someone to get spooky with will be at the party you’re going to with your friends. You’ve already mentally prepared yourself for a night of partying and having fun so you will be more open to mingling. You’ll have even more options since even the workalcoholics will be out partying for this holiday.

 

Dress Up

In a relationship many factors of a personality will make someone more attractive than just their looks. But when you’re looking to hook up, looks matter. So make sure your hair is looking good and you’re wearing one of your best outfits (or costume lol).

 

Be Noticeable

You very well can’t find someone to go home with if no one even knows you’re there! Flirt, laugh, and dance to turn some heads. Catch some eyes by taking a look around the crowd not just your phone and drink. Plus you want to see what options you’re working with here. There’s no need to play hard to get and coy, you’re going after what you want tonight.

 

Be Honest

There are plenty of people looking for the same type of fun as you are so just be honest! If someone isn’t interested then cut your losses and move on. Don’t dance around each other, just ask your place or mine? Let them know what level of vulnerability you’re comfortable with to make sure both parties have a fun but safe time.

 

Dating apps

The bar scene may not be for you but with this day and age dating apps can bring the party to you. It’s an easy way to meet people without having to waste the time and energy of going out to a party. There are plenty of well known apps for just hooking up and it may be time to get your feet wet.

 

Untrusting Monsters

Insecurity and doubt are monsters

that live in my head.

I introduced you to them last night in bed

but I’m sure I’m not the first girl of yours to do that.

Are there any alarms going off inside your head

that think I’m just a different brand of crazy?

An apology scraps the inside of my mouth

but the monsters push another imaginary issue forward.

My naive heart has been betrayed and lied to

and as a last line of defense, I will accuse you of doing the same.

It seems neither of us can escape our pasts

I must trust you to not slice open

this vulnerable heart if we’re going to last.

-Sept 2017

How I Nearly Sabotaged My Relationship

You might have thought that the fact that I now have a Boyfriend would solve the question of if I’m dateable or not. Well, I think the Jury might still be out on that one because Fun Fact – you can still try to ruin your love life whether you’re casually dating or married!

I’ve spoken about my intimacy issues a few times (comfortable, dating curse 2, ) and I know there is still a lot of work I have to do on myself with elevating my self-esteem to the healthiest point and not letting my insecurities consume my thoughts.

Like most girls, when I like a boy I will try to learn about his interests and hobbies to see if they’re something I might enjoy or to decide if maybe he’s not as perfect for me as I thought. Whether through unrequited love or boredom, my obsession to stalk social media has mastered some pretty impressive skills over the years (ladies, I think you understand lol).

So you scroll and stalk until suddenly its 2013 (okay fine, 2009) and you’ve found the ex girlfriend… and the friends with benefits and the almost relationship girl. You’ve dug deep enough to uncover every skeleton in his past. Unfortunately, the most likely scenario here is that you’ve dug too deep and you’ve made enough room to put yourself into an early grave as well.

played self

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I take full responsibility for knowing I have insecure tendencies and still stalking anyway. I’ve been lied to before so I tell myself that I want to see all the hits coming this time. Instead, I’m letting the past be the third person in our relationship. My insecurities and trust issues are the couple we most often go on double dates with.

I have to learn to stop digging into the past, it’s not the present for a reason. Leave it where it’s supposed to be. Take comfort in the present and treat each person as an individual instead of assigning him character traits of the boys who have let you down. He is not one of them, do not let your fears push him into being like them.

Stop stalking so much you fool!

History says I’ll end us

We’ve started something so pure and good here

I’m scared I’ll ruin it

The same way I usually do with all the others before you

I’m so scared of being vulnerable

Of getting hurt

Of opening up to you only to be disgarded

So I’ll push you away before Id let you in

Find some reason that this can’t work out

Because I’m so scared of what would happen if it is everything I’ve hoped for

If you’re right for me and I’m good to you

I’m scared to love you because I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to keep you.

And losing you would hurt far worse than never having the chance to love you.

-Aug 2017

 

Is it Okay that I Observe You so Carefully?

I’m memorizing every piece of you

I don’t mean to scare you or be rude

they just keep me company while you are gone.

I can play back a moment or conversation

and you go from my mind to right in front of my eyes.

You joke that in a few years I might forget you but

your scent will lingerie in every memory

from the watch you wear

to the way your hands feel in my hair,

you’ll haunt me long after you’ve truly gone.

 

-Aug 2017

 

 

 

Comfort in the Distance

So I’ve mentioned Stubborn before and I can definitely agree to telling any girl that if a guy doesn’t put in the effort to take you on dates then he’s not into you and you gotta forget him. People rarely take their own advice though.

I’m comfortable where I am with Stubborn.

You know in kindergarten when you’re learning about personal space and you stretch your arms out on either side and you spin in a circle and if you knocked into anyone then you were standing too close to them? Stubborn has intimacy issues just like me. It’s just that he gets uncomfortable as soon as you’re at his fingertips while my intimacy issues don’t start till you inch closer to my elbows. So we run into Stubborn’s intimacy issues first and mine never get analyzed, criticized, or called into question. No one’s busting my balls saying Stubborn’s a good guy if you only gave him a chance.

I believe there is a high chance that if Stubborn suddenly got on board and starting taking me out and wanting to hang out often that my intimacy alarm bells would be going off and I would RUN. So I get the best of both worlds, I get to sit on my high horse telling Stubborn he should date me with everyone on my side thinking it’s his fault things aren’t progressing; And I also get to stay right on that comfort zone sofa where I don’t have to become vulnerable to heartbreak and abandonment.

So for now, I’m pacing myself. I have always ran away as fast as that Hare in and out of relationships. But maybe slow and steady is the key to winning this time.

 

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