Unfortunately, there’s not really a way to go back now that the cats out of the bag. The friendship conversation doesn’t just make emotional feelings disappear. You’ll probably always wonder if he’s reading more into a conversation or if doing certain activities together remind him of things a couple would do.
So as far as what to do, I do think a little bit of distance might help him get over you for the time being. You can see how things are going over the next few months but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some outbursts of “i don’t even like you like that anymore” or “i’m so over you stop thinking that”. If that’s the case then he’s probably not over you.
Overall, i think it was best that he told you how he truly felt. He no longer has to wonder what could be and will hopefully stop idealizing this imaginary relationship with you. Years ago, I had been on his side of things and getting that definite answer that it would never be nothing more than a friendship really snapped me out of it. I stopped putting effort into the friendship and that’s when I realized how little he had been giving me.
No matter what you try to do or how you handle this friendship, he probably will not get over you until he sets his eyes on someone else. So if there’s any way for you to help out in that area, I say go for it.
For a crush:
There’s a lot of uncertainty for the two of you, so not knowing if he loves you or not is very stressful. Since he is your crush I imagine you’ve been paying a lot of attention to him. Does he make an effort to talk to you, ask you about your days and hobbies? Does he ask if you’ll be at that party this weekend or try to find ways to be around you? If the answer so far has been mostly No then maybe he’s not good at expressing his thoughts verbally and you need to see his actions instead. Does he find ways to be near you? Does he do little things that make your life easier?
If the answer is still No then a lack of maturity could be the issue or sadly, he just might not be that into you (link older article). One last thing to keep in mind though is have you made it obvious to him that you like him? Could he read those questions and mostly answer Yes? Have you been honest and straightforward “I like you, I would like to date you, what do you think?”
I know it’s scary to put yourself out there like that but this not knowing will fill you with doubt and destroy your peace of mind from the inside out so even if it’s not the answer you’re hoping for, it’s better to know for sure than always wonder.
For a relationship:
It’s very possible you might have a different love language than your significant other. That’s very common and nothing to fear. The way in which you show love and expect it to be shown back to you might be very different than the way your significant other naturally shows their love for you. For example, you might be vocal about your love, writing love letters, showering them with compliments, and always ending an exchange with ‘I love you’. Your significant other might be quiet or reserved and you may be hurt that they never compliment you or say I Love You first. This is where it’s important to 1. Figure out your love language and your SO’s love language and 2. Directly communicate to your SO that you need to be shown some love in your love language (to continue the example, you might ask them to write you a note of appreciate or love or to make the effort to compliment you more).
It’s important you find out the love language of your SO other because this can help you notice the ways in which they ARE showing their love. For example, they might show love by spending quality time together. No matter how busy their schedule is, they make sure that they are home to spend every dinner with you. And sure, you are capable of walking the dog by yourself, but they walk with you every time for that extra one on one time. This extra effort may have been going by unnoticed to you. You may have even gotten annoyed when they asked you to check your social media apps after dinner but now you’re realized how much they cherish that time of undivided attention and connection.
Aside from realizing all the ways you are being shown love, you can also make the effort to show them love in that same way as well. You’ll feel connected again when you start making this effort along with seeing them make the effort to speak your love language too.
Would your mom tell me I deserve better?
Your words are eating at me.
Why didn’t you say those things to me?
How could you live with those secrets
as I lay next to you in bed?
I hope the guilt keeps you up at night
Hitting you hard and
as fast as the changes in the wind.
I never saw you coming
But boy I sure did have fun loving you
Baby you were my best days
Then again you were also my worst.
I’m thinking about you and how you
Probably aren’t thinking of me
Love, why’d you have to turn your back on me
but if anyone asks I’m doing fine without you,
haven’t thought about you in weeks
Cause though I’ve fallen I’ll never look weak
Hey baby, are you listening out there?
I haven’t heard from you in a while
and this is feeling more like a prayer
I haven’t stopped thinking about you
since you first caught my eye
And do you remember the first time
I kissed you cause you were too shy
We lit a flame but baby do you still feel the heat
when you’re so far away?
I wonder if she enjoys being in your arms as much as I did
Does she know how good she has it?
Does she adore you as well as I did?
I never tasted lips so sweet before
Does she feel the same
Or are you somehow playing for second place?
She has thousands more nights by your side
Does she know what I would give for just one more?
I hope she treasures you
I hope she doesn’t take for granted
What was so precious to me.
I wish you were a weaker man
Maybe just for me
But I admire the high moral standards
you hold yourself to
It’s yet another reason I like you.
There’s no winning for me
When you’re not mine
I’m looking for your attention
even though I know she has all yours
Maybe its for the best
and I should Give up the rest
Of everything we could have been.
I’m sure I could fall
Out of love with you
If you just gave me the chance.
Let me see why you’re no good for me
So I can finally let this fantasy die
She just likes the attention you give
But refuses to claim you as hers.
You’re a warm body to waste time with.
You gave her your heart
And she squeezes it in her hand
Testing its tenderness.
Do you wish I had hated you?
Make it easier so you didn’t have to risk any hurt
No late night phone calls, no deep conversations
where you let down walls and I open up my heart a crack
I wish I had hated you too
and feel nothing as I walk away.
instead you’re charming with your goofy smile.
warm and bright, showing your strength in so much struggle.
Should you date your friend? Or perhaps more accurately, is it worth the risk to date your friend and possibly lose the friendship if it does not work out?
Lots of solid relationships state that an important component is their friendship. Sometimes they start out as friends and some times they don’t, but always they insist that their significant other is their best friend who they tell all their embarrassing stories, hopes, and fears to. So one might think dating a friend would be a great idea because that aspect is already there and has built a strong foundation.
Of course once you cross that threshold from just friends to more than friends, its near impossible to go back. This has got to be the strongest reason people with crushes on their friends give for not pursing it. They don’t want to lose that friendship and closeness. They would rather have them in their life as a friend then risk becoming closer and then ending up with nothing. Sometimes friends don’t want to mess up the group dynamic by dating or sub consequently breaking up.
The thing is if you’ve naturally floated into the territory of daydreaming about one friend in particular then it may be worth digging into. He already knows your interests and dislikes pretty well. You already know about his bad habits and future plans. If you know all this and still can’t stop thinking about him then it may be time to start pushing the friendship boundary and see if he feels the same way about you.
If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder. You may become self conscious or doubt yourself more if you start thinking, well why hasn’t it crossed his mind yet to date me!? Maybe he didn’t think you’d like him back, maybe he has too much on his plate and wouldn’t be able to give you the effort you deserve. All I know is that it’s an unhealthy mental state to be wondering about all the possibilities and insecurities without any sold facts. It will give you a peace of mind to hear his sides of things no matter the outcome.