love lessons

Friends or More?

Should you date your friend? Or perhaps more accurately, is it worth the risk to date your friend and possibly lose the friendship if it does not work out?

Lots of solid relationships state that an important component is their friendship. Sometimes they start out as friends and some times they don’t, but always they insist that their significant other is their best friend who they tell all their embarrassing stories, hopes, and fears to. So one might think dating a friend would be a great idea because that aspect is already there and has built a strong foundation.

Of course once you cross that threshold from just friends to more than friends, its near impossible to go back. This has got to be the strongest reason people with crushes on their friends give for not pursing it. They don’t want to lose that friendship and closeness. They would rather have them in their life as a friend then risk becoming closer and then ending up with nothing. Sometimes friends don’t want to mess up the group dynamic by dating or sub consequently breaking up.

The thing is if you’ve naturally floated into the territory of daydreaming about one friend in particular then it may be worth digging into. He already knows your interests and dislikes pretty well. You already know about his bad habits and future plans. If you know all this and still can’t stop thinking about him then it may be time to start pushing the friendship boundary and see if he feels the same way about you.

If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder. You may become self conscious or doubt yourself more if you start thinking, well why hasn’t it crossed his mind yet to date me!? Maybe he didn’t think you’d like him back, maybe he has too much on his plate and wouldn’t be able to give you the effort you deserve. All I know is that it’s an unhealthy mental state to be wondering about all the possibilities and insecurities without any sold facts. It will give you a peace of mind to hear his sides of things no matter the outcome.

Girlfriend Qualities

I want to talk about how great of a girlfriend I would be.

That sounds soo conceited and I feel insanely weird for making this post but if I have to embarrass myself just for one person to have a good take away from this article then I’ll do it. And its good to be nice to yourself sometimes. So for making such a statement perhaps you’re wondering how her highness has come to this conclusion?

I’m considerate. I let you know when I’m busy so you’re not left hanging. A simple “busy now, text you when I can” message can keep a person from going crazy. I don’t like playing games. I wont wait 40 minutes to text you back just because you took 20. If that type of forwardness makes you uncomfortable then you’re not the guy for me. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me, I try to plan dates that are near both of us and I don’t take it for granted that you might pay for the date.

I can give you space and encourage you to be your own person. It’s a bit mesmerizing for me when someone talks about things they’re passionate about. Their eyes smile, you know their heart is happy and I encourage them to explore that happiness. We don’t need to be together always, you are you and I am me. Your differences are new and exciting to me, so let’s celebrate them.

I’m open minded and understanding, which makes me supportive. If there’s anything I learned about life so far, it’s that people are complicated. Life is hard and you don’t always get it right. You don’t have to be perfect, in fact, I hope you’re not. I try not to judge difficult moments in your life and I’m very appreciative when you trust me enough to share those darker times.

I’ll be a great girlfriend because I loved the wrong ones so well. I have a big heart and if you take the time to climb over these guarding walls, you’d see there’s this big, empty room with your name on the front door calling you home. If I could try so hard to make it work with the guy who didn’t treat me well enough then imagine how well it could work when you are treating me right.

Now, I need you all to repeat after me and say “I’d be a really good girlfriend/boyfriend/ significant other/caring partner/friend.” You listen well or you know how to take action. You can always lighten the mood or you value loyalty. Don’t doubt yourself, don’t make yourself small or apologetic, instead say you’re good enough and actually believe it for once.

You are a good person, a good friend, and you are important to those around you. Tomorrow doesn’t change any of that.

Please write in the comments and tell me a few of your good qualities!

Stuck on You

Maybe one day I’ll finally get good at getting over you

But until then I’ll have another drink while I listen to another song that reminds me of you

I’ll drive by your house again and read through old phone conversations

Oh cause one day you wont cross my mind

But until then I’m still at this bar, stuck on you

I imagine hearing your name and not giving it a second thought

There will be no floods of memories that have to be fought

No ache in my heart nor tears in my eyes

You’ll be gone and I’ll have moved on

But until then I’m still at this bar, stuck on you.

October and November Playlists

October: Fighting

Demi Lovato’s Cry Baby from 2017 is a song of a girl who is hard to break but her heart breaks eventually. Listen here 

NeYo’s Mad from 2008 is a heated argument that would hopefully be resolved before going to bed. Listen here

Alicia Keys‘ Fallin from 2001 is a song of torment from loving someone to not knowing if you can stay when they cause you pain. Listen here

Rihanna’s Love on the Brain from 2016 is a song of fighting for love and suffering through the pain in order to be with someone. Listen here

November: Jealousy

Beyonce’s Jealous from 2013 is her pain caused by her man’s cheating and going out for a night of revenge. Listen here

Little Big Town’s Girl Crush from 2014 is a clever song of crushing on a girl because she has the man and wanting to be her; replace her. Listen here

Patsy Cline’s She’s Got You from 1962 is a heartbreaker of a song where she has all the material possessions of a lost relationship while he’s found a new relationship. I love Patsy Cline, check out the rest of her work! Listen here

Nelly’s Over and Over featuring Tim McGraw from 2004 replays the ending of a relationship and the jealousy of not having her anymore. Listen here