modern dating

Signs He Really Likes You

Back over the summer I wrote an article about when a guy isn’t into you, now I want to talk about when a guy IS into you. I must admit, it should be very obvious so if you’re reading this because you’re not sure then whether he likes you or not, he doesn’t like you as much as you deserve. But anyways, first:

He tells you how he feels (like I said, super obvious). He’ll tell you how happy he is when he’s with you, he’ll compliment your humor, personality, talents, and looks, and he’ll text you randomly saying how something reminded him of you and he had to let you know.

Of course, some fu*kboys are all talk and will tangle your heart with words about ‘our future’ and ‘what will we name our babies’. But then they only want to hang out at 3AM after they went out partying with their ‘boys’. If he really likes you, he wants to spend time with you wherever he can. He wants to take you to dinner, to a concert or park, on the couch in sweatpants, and to the diner for pancakes. Morning or night, sober or drunk, fancy event or ripped sweats, he wants to see all of you because he values you much more than a late night ego boost. There’s no game of waiting for the weekend to go out to the bars, he’ll text you Wednesday night to come watch Survivor or make a late night Diary Queen shake run.

You’ll spend a lot of time just the two of you but he will also make plans so that you can meet his friends/family. You will not be kept secret or hidden. Instead he wants to make sure other people in his life get to meet this awesome girl who’s been making him smile at his phone like a goon all the time. He wants to integrate you into his life, not separate you.

Lastly, is the signs of his emotional investment in you:

When he really likes you he wants to remember all the information and little details you tell him. He’ll ask about your family, your favorite TV shows, which foods you’re addicted to. He wants to remember how you take your coffee so he can surprise you with a cup just because.

Whether he’s buying you jewelry or just a random coffee at Starbucks, he’s wanting to give you things that will make you happy. Aside from the financial part of buying a gift, there’s also the emotional load of picking out a gift, debating between colors and options, and the stressful nerves wondering if he’s picked the right present to impress and please you.

But aside from the little details, he also wants to know the deep and heavy stuff too. Not every day can be good and fun, but he’s going to stick around anyway. He’ll ask for embarrassing stories, sad memories, and your fears about the future. He wants to hear about the crappy days and comfort you however he can. He’s emotionally invested and your comfort and happiness are important to him.

You deserve love and you deserve someone who can give you the type of love you want.

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Modern Online Dating Etiquette

Times have definitely changed when it comes to dating and it’s time these dating rules get an update. No more waiting three days to call nor footing every bill to the male. We’re strong, independent women who no longer need a man…still we want him.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned this guy who would talk about his other dates on our dates. That’s rule number 1, when using dating apps we all know you’re in different stages of talking and dating multiple people. You’re doing it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, the trick is to not be the jerk who talks about it. You don’t impress me by telling me about the obsessive girl texting you during our date and I definitely don’t care about the girl you saw last night when I was busy. Instead, I’ll think you’re more interested in those girls or maybe just a guy who’s so starved for attention he needs it from multiple girls.

But with everyone going on multiple dates, you need to make an impression and establish a connection quicker. In the past you might keep the conversation light so you don’t rock the boat too early, but now we tend to dive into important topics within the first couple of dates. There are so many profiles and options with online dating, you need to know if this person is a good match for you ASAP so you don’t waste your time and miss out on a better fish.

Before the age of texting, suitors used to wait three days to call, I guess in order to not seem too desperate? Now you can text the same night the date ends or the next day, saying how you enjoyed yourself, thanking them for a fun evening, and hoping to see them again. It’s no longer seen as desperate, in fact if you wait longer than the next day they’re more likely to think you’re not interested and probably move on.

I wrote about when the right time for a first kiss is but with the way modern dating is going now, people are doing a lot more than just kissing on the first date. Some people are just looking for something casual and there are plenty of long-term couples that say they started out just hooking up so there’s really no rule now on how soon is too soon. As long as you’re both being honest about what you’re looking for, then go all the way on the first day and have fun!

The etiquette of a man always paying for dates started long ago when it made much more sense in society. Society has been changing though with more women in the workforce and the wage gap closing in. The bill doesn’t always have to fall on the man now, plenty of couples go dutch or figure out other ways to share equal weight of the finances.

Let me know of some more modern dating rules you follow in the comments!

 

Is it Okay that I Observe You so Carefully?

I’m memorizing every piece of you

I don’t mean to scare you or be rude

they just keep me company while you are gone.

I can play back a moment or conversation

and you go from my mind to right in front of my eyes.

You joke that in a few years I might forget you but

your scent will lingerie in every memory

from the watch you wear

to the way your hands feel in my hair,

you’ll haunt me long after you’ve truly gone.

 

-Aug 2017

 

 

 

You’re What I Need

If you are tired

Let me lay you down

My hands will murmur soft lullabies

into your hair.

If my feet grow weak

You can carry me.

If the wind and the rain

make you shiver

I’ll shelter you from any storm.

They see me alone and hungry

But only you satisfy my every need

And I’ll be there for you

as you are there for me.

Paying in kisses and gentle words

Take from me as often as you give.

-Aug 2017

 

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

The date had gone well and he was walking me to my car when instead of asking about our second date he says “we gotta start thinking about what we’re going to tell people about how we met”. Honestly, I was a little taken back. Should I be offended? Is he embarrassed of me? about how we met?

Of course, I couldn’t really be offended because I had similar thoughts just last week. Dating apps are where all the people who have been rejected in their real life congregate. Honestly though, that’s not exactly true. If you work really long hours or in an industry predominately populated by the gender you’re not interested in then you’re just not meeting enough people in the outside world that you could even consider dating. When I first joined online dating, I was in college surrounded mainly by college guys who were only interested in hooking up and partying. Since neither of those interests me, I decided to search for people who actually matched my interests.

Perhaps 5 years ago, when dating apps were much less mainstream, the few people meeting online would be embarrassed about admitting how they met. Now though, 49,650,000 people have tried online dating out of the 54,350,000 singles in the US. For those that haven’t given it a try, they probably still know a relative, friend, or coworker who is on a dating app. So if you’re talking to someone under 75 years old then you most likely don’t have to worry about anyone asking which fishing dock is named Plenty of Fish.

But maybe the issue isn’t IF people know about dating apps, it’s WHAT they know about them. Are dating apps seen in a negative light? Do people look down at those on such sites? But with one-third of marriages starting online, it now seems like an appropriate possibility with reasonable success for relationships. Sure, Tinder will probably always be seen as the hook up app or just a mobile game everyone plays now to pass the time. But even then, I still know a couple that originally met on Tinder now planning their wedding for next year.

Or maybe, it’s time we care less about what people think of us and our dating lives. If you’re dating a guy who treats you well and makes you happy, who cares how you met him! Your close friends and family will forget all about his dating profile once they begin to see him together with you more. And for everyone else’s opinions who don’t really matter, you’ll be too busy holding hands and making future plans to ever worry about such opinions.

 

I Finally Got a Boyfriend!

So if you read my Liebster Award post back in August, I kind of let it slip that I recently got a new boyfriend!! (which by the way, is such a weird way to say that, it sounds like I just brought one from the store or something…) He’s also Dater #4 ( the good kisser lol) from Back in the Saddle if you read that post and were taking your guesses as to whom I was going to see again.

I’ve got some bad news and good news for all my fellow singletons out there, the good news is you don’t have to have the perfect dating profile, play hard to get, or follow any other dating rule out there because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. The bad news is all this effort you’ve been putting in to having the dating scene figured out and thinking you’re another step closer to finding your partner is pretty much bologna because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. I consider all those saying about finding love complete nonsense if I’m being honest.

You’ll find love once you stop looking for it: Lies. I went on 4 dates in the same week, I was 100% looking for love. I have been on the hunt for the past 2.5-3 years now. The only way in which this phrase kinda works in regards to my boyfriend was that I had no expectations for our first date, in fact each of us were considering cancelling on the other!

You won’t find love until you learn to love yourself: Another lie. This one has always bothered me a little bit since I do struggle with self-love and the fact that I wasn’t finding a good match was just cementing the idea that I was unloveable. You’re too close to yourself to see the big picture clearly of who you are as a whole. You nitpick at yourself rather than acknowledging the general idea that you’re a good person that just makes mistakes like every other human.

I do believe in self sabotage though, whether its subconscious or not, I used to pick emotionally unavailable men because I was afraid of showing the real me and getting hurt or abandoned. It also took meeting a good guy to realize how much I was settling because I didn’t realize how much more effort and consideration I deserved from a partner. My boyfriend compliments me all the time my intelligence, my creativity, my body, my nurturing skills, and every other part of me. I know it’s up to me to work on any issues of self-doubt but his support shines the light on parts of me I overlook and often expect more from. I can be a work in progress and be loveable at the same time. I can still love someone else while learning to fully love myself.

Of course, I’m sure there will be someone reading this who had one these clichés work for them or someone they know. The cliché for me and the boyfriend is “Timing is Everything” but I would never give someone the advice of waiting for a guy or periodically checking in on old flames to see if the timing is better now haha. We weren’t waiting around for each other which made the two of us very surprised with what we discovered that first date but that definitely will not be the case for everyone else (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DON’T WAIT AROUND ON A GUY HOPING HE’LL GET HIS ACT TOGETHER OR SUDDENLY FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU) But I think everyone should take each cliché with a grain of salt. You don’t know which one will end up being yours, if any at all.

In the beginning of this article I said finding love is all up to chance… but staying in love is a choice you’ll make over and over again, don’t confuse the two.

When Should the First Kiss be?

There’s not exactly a set time, but there is definitely a window from date number two to date number four with the sweet spot being at the end of two or three. Timing is super important here. You want to make sure a connection is there before jumping the gun.

Trust me there is nothing worst than going in for a kiss too soon.

If a woman isn’t ready for that kind of intimacy than you only seem disrespectful and aggressive and that’s a sure-fire way to sink your chances with her. You can gage how ready your potential suitor might be by starting with casual touches such as shoulder brushing and a brief hand on the arm. If that seems to go well then you might lean in more during conversation or sit closer so you both might get used to each other in your personal space. From there, more frequent touching, hand holding, and hugging will help build the physical connection. It’s totally normal for it to feel a little uncomfortable from the new sensation and the nervous butterflies, so there’s no need to rush any physical contact.

That’s why it can take two to four dates in order to establish this connection and build up to the first kiss. You both want to be thinking about and craving this kind of intimacy. Of course, everyone moves at a different pace and just like the possibility of moving too fast, there is also the mistake of moving too slow. If you wait too long, he may think you’re not really interested in him romantically. You’ll go from potential dater to friend and watch as he turns his focus to other girls to pursue romantically.

When I first began dating, I obviously had a lot less experience and because of that I definitely did not want a kiss on the first date. I thought it was too soon and if a guy tried I thought it meant he was disingenuous. That was nearly three-year ago now and it wasn’t really until a couple of months ago that I changed my mind on first date kisses.

I still believe the second date is probably better and more popular but as long as I am forming a connection and climbing the ladder of physical contact then I’ve become more accepting of first date kissing. As long as your partner and you feel comfortable, than you can move at whatever pace you want and change that pace when you want!