pressure

Days when your world’s on a tilt

I take it all so personally

Can’t seem to let the wrong words go

I just want to stay in bed all day

Shut the blinds and close out the world

Call in sick to work

Think about texting my selfish ex.

I’m just having one of those days

where I’m grinding my teeth

just to make it through.

 

– July 2019

The choice to self publish

The dream for me had always been to be picked up by a big publishing company in the future of my writing career. I knew that would not happen right away and self publishing some books would almost be like building up a resume. I could grow my own fan base, I would be showing that I’m not just a one hit wonder, and I would show that I have the passion and commitment to continue on for many more years. 

 

There’s definitely stress and frustration that comes with putting a book together but I do love having control over every decision and making my collection EXACTLY how I want it. As I’ve never been traditionally published, I don’t know when the hand off happens exactly. But I’m sure there’s Cover Designers and Illustrators that can give your collection a complete makeover – a makeover you may not want. You can be included in the conversation but how could you disagree with the professionals if you didn’t like the design?

 

A big plus of signing with a traditional company is the marketing resources that can be dedicated to getting your book to consumers’ hands. When you self publish all the marketing and promoting falls on you. The thing is I’ve seen some collections that were published by traditional companies but barely have 50 reviews on Amazon. I know reviews don’t equal sales but one of the big 5 publishing houses should have enough resources to ensure their books are being promoted well. 

 

Traditional publishing companies have been in the industry for a long time, they have a lot of connections, and they know all the ins and outs to get your book in front of the right people. But will they use that knowledge on you, that’s no guarantee as this recent thread on Twitter speaks to. 

 

After publishing my first two collections, I’ve learned I want control of all creative decisions and I want as much promotional help as possible, it seems there are plenty of examples in the industry that traditional companies don’t help me with either of those things. 

 

Being picked up by a publishing company could be the greatest thing to ever happen to your writing career. It could be the greatest to happen to mine as well, I’m just saying that I no longer feel that hungry desire to chase after one of the big 5 houses. I’m happy self publishing. It’s difficult at some points and I know traditional would have it’s own difficulties as well. Self publishing has been making steady strides in this industry for years and I am here for it’s next step.

 

Second Dates Are Harder Than First Dates

First dates are absolutely terrible. You spend days getting to know someone and planning a date and then hours getting ready for said date. Then you waste even more hours on the actual date with a person you’re not even really sure if you like.

A lesson I eventually learned was saying No to people I wasn’t 100% excited to go on a date with. Modern dating really drains you emotionally and mentally so don’t feel bad saving your energy.

Now that we’ve all agreed that first dates are hard, I’m here to tell you second dates are even tougher. First dates there aren’t really too many expectations, sure you worry that conversation will fall flat in person if texting has been flowing really well. Aside from that, there’s plenty of doubt that the first date won’t be amazing. The trouble comes when they do turn out to be amazing!

Sounds crazy, I know. But then there’s an enormous amount of pressure for the second date to be equally amazing. An hour or so into the second date with my now boyfriend, we both admitted that we were extremely worried that our second date would flop with flat conversation. That, in fact, has happened to me in the past so I was worried about history repeating itself (even more pressure and stress).

After the first date, you may start to picture a bit of a future and you’re looking for clues that your suitor’s future is going to align with yours. You listen to what they say with a fine tooth comb this time. The stakes are higher and so are the standards for grading this date. 

Second dates may also take you out of your comfort zone. If you’ve been on dating apps for a while you’ve probably had your fair share of first dates. You’re used to them, in fact you’re a pro. Second dates are new territory. You’ve never had to measure up to the first impression you left your date with.

There are still the jitters of getting to know a new person but after the second date you’re more comfortable knowing that your suitor is meeting your expectations and that the first date wasn’t just a fluke.