relationship labels

Dating App Run Through

Tinder – probably got its fame by becoming notoriously known as the Hook Up App. No reason to spend time writing up a bio or putting up more than one picture, minimally effort required to Netflix and Chill. People also use Tinder as an ego boost, racking up as many matches as possible without ever messaging anyone. A game to pass the time, a swiping addiction that’s hard to stop even after you’ve found the one you want to exclusively date.

Bumble – Is like Tinder in the regard that there’s a short area for a bio and it’s the swiping game. The main different is that the girl has to be the one to make first contact. Some guys AND girls have issues with this because society says men should be making the first move and pursuing the woman. If your fragile ego is bothered by this then just stick to Tinder. The other difference from Tinder is the time limits. The girl has 24 hours to make initial contact and after that, the guy has an additional 24 hours to make that first response and establish a connection. I enjoy this because it forces acknowledgement. You don’t have to wonder if they’ll message you or if they even saw the message. The rule is simple, you snooze you lose. My one issue with Bumble is that I do wish it included ‘last active time’ because I know there are profiles that have not been touched in months and yet they still get in rotation. If you haven’t been on your active account in 2-3 months then it should be deactivated. Bumble also stands out because you can send picture messages which is not always the case with other dating apps.

OKCupid – I have given the nickname ‘Build-A-Boyfriend’ to OKC because it allows you to create criteria when searching for matches such as education level, body type, ethnicity, drinking/smoking preference, and ‘what you’re looking for’ (i.e. friends, long-term dating, casual). OKC is also very in-depth by asking prompt questions such as ‘self summary’, ‘what I’m doing with my life’, ‘favorite books, music, movies, food’ and survey type questions to help you match people with similar answers.. This allows you to really get to know a person and understand if you’re both looking for the same things. It also has a lot of added features that you can paid for with a monthly subscription. I also like that OKC has a website page as well as the app which both Tinder and Bumble do not.

Plenty Of Fish – has a lot of similarities to OKC like body type, ethnicity, and religion as well as creating a decent bio with an ‘about me’ and ‘activities’ section. POF also has a website but I strongly prefer OKC to POF and I believe it has to do with the landing page and the systems just seeming so out of date. I feel like my laptop should have a dial-up when I visit that site. I’ve heard plenty of relationship success stories through Tinder and OKC where as I’ve never even heard of anyone meeting up on POF but maybe it was more popular back when it started in 2003.

Match – is another old landing page. I know Match’s demographic leans older but the website could really use an update. The reasons I tried Match was in part because of those new commercials that seem to be targeting a younger demographic. I was curious to see if the marketing had worked and since you have to pay for Match I figured more people seriously looking for a relationship would gravitate there. The Marketing Campaign does not seem to be have much of an effect on the membership age so far since there is still a limited amount of 20 somethings aged profiles. Even if I was 20 years older, I would not be impressed by Match.

Coffee Meets Bagel- is unique because it severely limits the amount of profiles you can view in a day. They will either pick out a ‘bagel’ for you daily or allow you to browse 10 profiles and pick one for that day. This forces you to take each profile more seriously instead of mindlessly swiping for hours. Something CMB used to do but has since gotten rid of was getting feedback from you whenever you ‘passed’ on your potential match for that day. The other odd thing about CMB is that connections only stay open for a week and thereby the app forces you to forfeit the communication or move on to another messaging app. Although CMB is an app only dating space like Tinder and Bumble, it encourages more in-depth bios by including height, religion, self summary, likes and hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a date.

Hinge- is oddly exclusive as the app could only be downloaded if you have an iPhone until now with the launch of the app for Android users. Hinge has you log in via your Facebook so that they can access your friends network and start matching you with friends of friends. I think this paired with the fact that you’re only given 15 or so matches a day ups the chances of finding someone looking for an actual relationship. If you’re just looking for random hook ups you probably don’t want it to be someone you could run into later at a friend’s BBQ nor would you want to limit your ‘hey you up’ text to only 15 people. A downfall though has perhaps been the limit of users because with over 600 Facebook friends, I regularly pass the same profiles every week and began visiting the app less and less.

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The Boyfriend does Q&A!

DD: The tables have finally turned! My Boyfriend is giving us a Tell All on our relationship and I get to hear his inner thoughts on some questions you guys have been wondering! Let’s get this show started!

1.How do you feel about her? by Homelife

That’s an easy question, I love her. From the first date that we went on I could tell that she was different from any girl that I had ever met before, and over the past couple of months I’ve considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for having her in my life.

2. How do you feel about your gf blogging about you and your relationship? Do you read what she writes? Approve/ edit? by Floating Gold

To be honest, at first it felt a little weird for me. But that’s mostly because DD creates all of her content several months before posting it to this blog, so when we first started dating she was still posting about going on dates with other guys. But ever since she started posting about me, I absolutely love reading it. It really shows me how much she loves me.

DD: I consider majority of my posts about Boyfriend to be some form of a love letter and I think it holds more feeling and impact if he doesn’t see them until the finished project is ready. But I will sometimes send him poems before they are published on here.

3. Opposites attract or two peas in a pod?

For the most part, two peas in a pod. I’m sometimes shocked by how similar our personalities are. We both seem to have the same values and morals. Both of us are the type who would rather spend a night cuddling up and watching a good show or movie than going out to a bar or club. Our similarities make it very easy to spend time together because we usually agree on what it is that we want to do.
However, we do have some differences. DD is a morning person who can easily wake up when her alarm sounds, while I’m the kind of person who hits the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. (DD: literally impossible to wake him up…)I like to drink beer, DD only drinks hard cider. DD also has an amazing short-term memory, but a horrible long-term memory, entire parts of her childhood she can’t remember. I’m the opposite, I can remember things that happened years ago in great detail, but I have a terrible short-term memory, so we balance each other out. But perhaps the biggest difference is that I know that beagles are the best breed of dogs, while DD still thinks that Shiba Inu’s are the best. (DD: You’ll come around to the truth eventually mwhaha)

4. When did you know you really liked DD?

As DD mentioned in a previous post, she had been on a few dates prior to our first date, and so had I. As a matter of fact, both of us went on dates with other people the night before our first date together. Even crazier, both of us almost cancelled going on that first date with each other. Fortunately we didn’t cancel, and the date that we both thought would be a quick dinner date that would last for an hour at best, turned into a date that lasted nearly six hours. So to answer the question, the first date was when I knew that I really liked DD.

5. What’s been your favorite date so far?

This is a hard question, because we’ve had so many great dates. Also it’s hard to tell what is considered a date and what is not. My answer to this question may be slightly controversial because it lasted an entire weekend. The time we took a trip to Upstate New York. This was our first trip together and the longest continuous amount of time we spent together. I made a playlist of our favorite songs for the road trip up to Albany. Albany is the city where I went to college, so I know the city very well and had a lot of fun showing DD all of my favorite places. When I introduced her to my two best friends from college who both still live in Albany, I was very worried because they never liked any of my other girlfriends before, but they absolutely loved DD.
The second day of our trip is what really made it special though. As we were driving up to Saratoga from Albany, we stopped at a park along the way that overlooked Cohoes Falls. As we were standing on a bridge overlooking the water fall, I told DD that I loved her, it was my first time saying it, but it just felt right to say it. Once we got to Saratoga we stayed at this cute little hotel that had a courtyard with a fireplace. That night we sat next to the fire for hours cuddling and talking. Everything felt perfect.

6. What your favorite feature about your lady? (nothing too cliche please or inappropriate) by Bexoxo

My favorite feature about DD is her smile. Whenever she gets excited about something she gets this big grin on her face that’s absolutely adorable. (DD: I remember he once described this ‘big grin’ as taking up half of my face, which sounds creepy, not adorable if you ask me…)She also has a great body too, but I can’t get too inappropriate so I’ll just leave it at that.

7. So now that you’ve found love, tell us how should we find it?

Unlike DD, this is not my first relationship. I’ve been in several others, some of which were downright terrible, others which just didn’t have the spark needed to sustain a successful relationship. My advice would be that if you’re in a relationship with somebody and you are unhappy or just don’t feel the magic, get out of it, because you never know when the perfect person will walk into your life and the last thing you want is to miss that opportunity.

8. Who’s more romantic? What was the romantic gesture?

I would say that I’m the more romantic one, I’m always trying to think of new and creative romantic things that I can do. Anything to make DD show me her smile.

DD: I would also agree Boyfriend is the more romantic one, he does it in simple thoughtful ways, like when he went on a business trip for a week but somehow secretly left a handwritten love note in my work bag to read while he was gone. He’s incredibly open in expressing his feelings for me and I can’t begin to explain how much I value that in a significant other.

9. What character name do you wish you had on the blog? What character name would you give DD if you had a blog?

The name that she gave me is perfect. Originally, she wanted to name me “boats” because our first couple of dates all took place near the water, (DD: Honestly, he realllllyy likes boats…)but I convinced her that boats was a stupid name.

10. When did you find out about the blog? by Formerly Unfortunate

When we first started talking online, I saw the link to the blog on her Instagram. I checked it out a little bit, but it didn’t deter me from going on our first date.

11. Have you read the old posts? If so, what did you think and if not, what made you refrain from doing so? by Dating Dad

I have read some of the old posts. As I mentioned in one of my other answers, it did make me feel a little weird at first, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

DD: Thank god Boyfriend doesn’t have a blog because we all know how I would handle old posts… 

12. What do you think made you stand out from the crowd and secure official boyfriend status? by Dating Dad

To be honest, I have no clue. As I said neither one of us wanted to go on the first date, and to make matters worse, I had a stain on my shirt that I didn’t find out about until later that night. But somehow I was able to stand out from the crowd, and I’m thankful that I did.

DD: I can, of course, list things I love about Boyfriend such as his work ethic and ability to make me laugh but I also wonder why we clicked so well on that first date and how that connection continues to grow months and months later. All I know for sure thought is that I feel so safe in his love for me and it’s so easy to love him back.

13. End the debate, is DD dateable?

Yes!

 

When DD first told me that I would be answering questions for her blog I got a little nervous, but answering these questions has actually been a lot of fun for me. Writing my answers got me to think back and relive the last couple of months that DD and I have spent together, and what makes her so special. I look forward to seeing the response that this post gets on her blog, I look forward to reading more of her posts, and of course I look forward to loving her some more. (DD: Aww, he’s so frinking cute!)

If you’ve never been on a dating site…

Q&A of all things people who have never been on a dating app might ask! Thanks so much to all those who participated and for reading!!!!

How long do you talk before meeting up?

Of course, all answers will vary here depending on the type of person you ask and the type of relationship they are seeking via these apps. I, personally, never liked to meet the same week that I started talking to someone so the sweet spot for me was around 10 days. This way I could find out what they did during the week (such as school or work) and also what type of weekender they were (from homebody to passed out at the bars). If conversation was flowing and we had similar interests then I would feel more confident that I wasn’t wasting my Saturday evening. Those seeking a more casual relationship would most likely meet up within a few days.

How did you start?   Bexoxo

Wow this is a throwback to November 2013! I transferred colleges (aka didn’t have many friends at the time), was a hopeless romantic, and was looking to fill up some of my free time so I found myself creating an OKCupid account. I was open to meeting people and did date someone for a few weeks right away but plenty of people start out just browsing and chatting until they get comfortable enough with the idea to meet people and actually start dating. Don’t rush yourself, delete and redownload those apps as often as you need.

Do you prefer apps or websites?

I prefer websites because they’re easier to browse by offering different search options. On apps you can only swipe, it’s usually based on location (which like how often does the guy of your dreams live across the street from you? And if he does, why did you need an app to find him?), and app profiles usually have less information on them. I’m going to do a dating app review post eventually but my favorite has always been OKCupid.

Have you ever tried speed dating?

Surprisingly, I have not. It’s funny because people who usually don’t like dating apps will say how meeting by chance in real life is much better. If you’re single and looking to date then speed dating is actually a great idea because you’ll find a decent amount of people who are open to relationships all at the same place. Ironically, I’d imagine speed dating to possibly be more awkward/embarrassing than online dating. But hey, different things work for different people.

What is your go to excuse to run out on a date that’s not going well?

Does anyone actually know someone in real life who had a friend fake an emergency phone call to get out of a horrible date? I’ve only heard of such dramatics in the movies but I do know a true story of a guy who said he was going to the bathroom mid date and then JUST LEFT ! The last excuse I used was saying I had a phone interview and had to get back home for that. (Guess which guy from this post I ended up using that excuse on lol.) Oh and if you want to hear of the craziest excuse a guy used to dump me then you can head over in this direction.

How do you keep your sanity while online dating and not get overly excited when there’s a small connection?   janieleeds

You definitely have to delete the apps and accounts from time to time to keep your sanity. It helps you decompress from all the dating nerves/stress, makes you feel in control of your happiness again, and lifts your spirits out of the hopeless dating pool slump. Also, make sure to have a clear idea of what type of relationship you’re looking for and don’t waste your time on profiles you know aren’t a good match for you.

A weird thing that has happened to me a couple of times is the first date going well and then the second date just being terrible. So I think expectations really make or break a date and it’s definitely tough to get excited for dates only for them to let you down. Most app users keep their excitement in check by talking to multiple people to avoid putting their eggs all in one basket. That’s not a fool proof plan though so other ideas are welcomed.

What’s a misconception about dating apps?

People often think that dating apps suck and you’ll never find an actual relationship on there. And honestly, that’s only really true if you make it true. I do think dating apps attract people who subconsciously self sabotage themselves. You can totally say you’re looking for love but then somehow find something wrong with every guy you meet. You’re digging for excuses because for whatever reason (not over your ex, been lied to and hurt in the past) you’re not really ready to open your heart up again. There are plenty of people that were only on dating apps for a limited time before finding a good match. They knew what they wanted and they didn’t waste their time settling for anything else. There is also a large portion of today’s relationships that started on a dating sites so it really is what you make of your experience.

Question for My Readers

Hi Readers!

I assume most of you might follow my blog because you too have been in a boxing match with online dating. Are there any of you who have never been on dating websites/apps though?

Are there questions you wonder about modern online dating but feel silly asking?

I want to do a Q&A for those who have never been on a dating site so if you have questions, send them my way!

Contact Page, Twitter, or leave a question in the comments below!

 

I Finally Got a Boyfriend!

So if you read my Liebster Award post back in August, I kind of let it slip that I recently got a new boyfriend!! (which by the way, is such a weird way to say that, it sounds like I just brought one from the store or something…) He’s also Dater #4 ( the good kisser lol) from Back in the Saddle if you read that post and were taking your guesses as to whom I was going to see again.

I’ve got some bad news and good news for all my fellow singletons out there, the good news is you don’t have to have the perfect dating profile, play hard to get, or follow any other dating rule out there because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. The bad news is all this effort you’ve been putting in to having the dating scene figured out and thinking you’re another step closer to finding your partner is pretty much bologna because finding a significant other is basically all up to chance and fate. I consider all those saying about finding love complete nonsense if I’m being honest.

You’ll find love once you stop looking for it: Lies. I went on 4 dates in the same week, I was 100% looking for love. I have been on the hunt for the past 2.5-3 years now. The only way in which this phrase kinda works in regards to my boyfriend was that I had no expectations for our first date, in fact each of us were considering cancelling on the other!

You won’t find love until you learn to love yourself: Another lie. This one has always bothered me a little bit since I do struggle with self-love and the fact that I wasn’t finding a good match was just cementing the idea that I was unloveable. You’re too close to yourself to see the big picture clearly of who you are as a whole. You nitpick at yourself rather than acknowledging the general idea that you’re a good person that just makes mistakes like every other human.

I do believe in self sabotage though, whether its subconscious or not, I used to pick emotionally unavailable men because I was afraid of showing the real me and getting hurt or abandoned. It also took meeting a good guy to realize how much I was settling because I didn’t realize how much more effort and consideration I deserved from a partner. My boyfriend compliments me all the time my intelligence, my creativity, my body, my nurturing skills, and every other part of me. I know it’s up to me to work on any issues of self-doubt but his support shines the light on parts of me I overlook and often expect more from. I can be a work in progress and be loveable at the same time. I can still love someone else while learning to fully love myself.

Of course, I’m sure there will be someone reading this who had one these clichés work for them or someone they know. The cliché for me and the boyfriend is “Timing is Everything” but I would never give someone the advice of waiting for a guy or periodically checking in on old flames to see if the timing is better now haha. We weren’t waiting around for each other which made the two of us very surprised with what we discovered that first date but that definitely will not be the case for everyone else (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DON’T WAIT AROUND ON A GUY HOPING HE’LL GET HIS ACT TOGETHER OR SUDDENLY FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU) But I think everyone should take each cliché with a grain of salt. You don’t know which one will end up being yours, if any at all.

In the beginning of this article I said finding love is all up to chance… but staying in love is a choice you’ll make over and over again, don’t confuse the two.

Do Genders Handle Break Ups Differently? (Part 1- Guys Perspective)

The idea for this article came to me after hearing the song “Different for Girls” -Dierks Bentley in which the lyrics talk about how only guys get drunk at a bar looking to take a new girl home or acting tough punching walls and turning into slobs. I wanted to know if the song was right and decided to reach out to two wonderful men in the blogger community for their input on breaks ups!

Tommy says:

“As Neil Sedaka famously sang, breaking up is hard to do. However, I’ve been luckier than most in that regard. For one, I’ve always been the initiator (although the last one was a tie). It’s definitely easier than being on the receiving end. It’s even easier if you’ve never been in love (which I wouldn’t mind finding someday). My relationships have trended on the shorter side; ending a longer one with more emotional investment would undoubtedly be more painful.

But so far I’ve been largely at peace with things after a breakup. After multitudes of rejections, it’s a nice feeling to know that someone was willing to go further and explore things with me – even if it didn’t work out in the end. The hardest part for me is trying to remain friends afterwards. I’ve tried it each time, but don’t think I will in the future. It’s a difficult area to navigate without things getting awkward and uncertain. For me, a clean break with no contact is the way to go, otherwise how can I completely move on?”

And Paul adds:

“Breakups. Well, bloody hell! There are things in my life that have been more difficult and much more important to deal with. This is a fact I’m consciously aware of—and yet, I have always managed to allow breakups to override absolutely everything when they happen.

I’m unfortunate enough to have experienced being broken up with on numerous occasions and, at the time, I thought nothing could possibly feel as bad. That was until I had to end a four-year relationship and I realized how much harder that is than being dumped. Hurting people hurts. Telling somebody they no longer fit your lifestyle… to me, I might as well be driving a knife through their heart and, subsequently, my own. It’s horrible.

Even if the breakup is for the best and you both know it, they’re extremely difficult and they’ll play on your conscience (provided if you’re blessed with a conscience). You’ll question everything. You’ll procrastinate wildly over what your life will lack without your partner in it. You’ll think of all the good things they do and the happy times you had with them. You’ll constantly weigh up the pros and cons; constantly try to talk yourself out of going through with it. It’ll play on your mind day and night.

In conclusion, breakups suck! Unfortunately, sometimes, they’re absolutely necessary…”

Both men seem to agree its easier to be broken up with than having to do the actual breaking up. Paul points out how difficult it is to know you’re hurting someone you spent so many years loving. Tommy agrees to this point, which contradicts the song’s idea that guys can just forget about an ex, just switching off their emotions and finding a new girl to distract them like a flimsy Band-Aid.

Of course, Tommy brings up being ‘at peace’ with most of his shorter relationships and perhaps he would go out on a boy’s night after such a break up. But he’s not drowning in alcohol or being swarmed by women in order to get over or forget these break ups. And Paul certainly not punching walls as the break up debate goes on in his head and things of all the good times with his ex.

Maybe the song got things mixed up and it’s the women who drink their exes away? Check in next week to hear from some WordPress ladies!

(Also the song might not have mentioned being friends with your ex but I did, check it out! )

Second Choice

I’ve talked before about ways to know if you’re wasting your time on a guy or not. These guys, for a variety of reasons, are emotionally unavailable. Of course, it’s never so black and white, instead he’s more open and available some weeks or some nights and you think you’ve finally gotten through to him. And then he’s back to his old ways, not making time for you, and you can’t figure out where he truly stands with you. Here are some reasons why a guy might not be making room in his life for you.

They’re focused on their career and don’t have the time to dedicate to a girlfriend right now. It makes complete sense and you can’t really get mad at them for being self aware about their priorities. And it might cause some internal and interpersonal issues when you’re always put second behind their job.

Other times you can feel like you’re being put second to their friends and hobbies. It’s perfectly healthy to split up time between going out with your girlfriend and going out with your friends. It becomes a problem when you tell her you’re too busy to meet up this week and then you complain about how you’re getting dragged out to the bar by your friends. Just because she is understanding and doesn’t pick on you for decompressing at home does not mean she deserves the short end of the stick while your friends get their way. Either make time for her and be fair or stand up to your friends. Or don’t blame your friends when you know you’re always going to want to pick them over your girlfriend.

You ever have a significant other get back with their ex right after you guys break up and then you’re like “oh, now I get it.” Maybe you were just the rebound girl who lasted too long or he was lying to himself when he said he was really over her. You realize once he had the choice to choose between you or her, he chose her. And that breaks your heart, which I completely understand BUT it totally shouldn’t because the guy who doesn’t choose you doesn’t deserve you!

Lastly, it’s a combination of these things but most importantly, he just doesn’t care enough about you to put you first. It doesn’t really matter the reason, just his actions showing you how far down you are on his priority list. Remember how that makes you feel and don’t wait around for a love that will probably never come.

You should be with the guy who doesn’t put you second. You should be with the guy who puts in the effort to see you, the one who smiles when reading your text, and the one who is factoring you into his future because he can’t imagine it without you. That’s the guy you deserve.

You’re worth being put first.