relationships

No Quick Fix

Sometimes I feel so weak and small

Like I’m hard to deal with and the baggage I carry is too much to haul.

My insecurities create issues

plummeting through the open sky

and all i ever do is cry.

Is your love big enough to carry me when I’m like this

I’m no quick fix, can’t just wish it all away with a single kiss

I need you more than you might know

So if you love me now, please don’t ever let me go

Advertisements

Love on a Budget

I think people often mistake expensive dates for romance. You don’t have to a fancy restaurant every weekend, in fact idea number one is

Cook In instead of dining out. Yes usually grocery shopping is more expensive than just one evening dining out but the food you get can be used for multiple meals so at the end of the day you’re definitely saving money. Cooking together is a great bonding experience too, you learn how particular your partner is about materials, measurements, and sanitation as well as learning what frustrates or stresses them out. Creating a meal together allows you to feel like a united team accomplishing a goal together and the shared memory is a great building block in a relationship.

It’s much easier to find free things to do over the summer such as hiking, parks, and finding some water to splash around in. However low key or intense you want your adventure to be, you can find a good fit! Back in high school when everyone was just learning how to drive, I loved late night adventures just driving around, singing along to the radio, and feeling the wind on your skin. You can make amazing memories out of nothing as long as you’re with people you love and the good vibes flow.

Look into events going on in your neighborhood since the tickets are usually cheap or free! There might be a cover band at a brewery, the local theater putting on a play, or a food expo at the museum across town.You can have fun with your friends too by inviting them over for game night or splitting the cost of a weekend getaway trip.

You don’t have to always miss out on dining out or an expensive experience, you can look for deals on Groupon and other coupon sites to make it more affordable. Restaurant week is the perfect time to dine at the fancy places on the water that you would normally never go to (or be able to afford).

Cold Weather

I know we fight

I know we don’t always get it right

I’m sorry I didn’t pick up your calls

It’s just that my mind was going crazy inside these walls

I’ve never had someone mean so much to me

Being this vulnerable can make me a little uneasy

Even if I cry, just know I always want to try

Even in cold weather, I’ll always want to stay together

-Jan 2018

Dear Dateable (Feb) Advice Column

Dear Dateable,

What if I can’t tell if he loves me or not?

DD:I went back and asked if this was a current relationship or a crush because I think the answers would vary a little and I’ve decided to answer it both ways. It may be worthwhile to check out my post on signs he’s into you.

For a crush: There’s a lot of uncertainty for the two of you, so not knowing if he loves you or not is very stressful. Since he is your crush I imagine you’ve been paying a lot of attention to him. Does he make an effort to talk to you, ask you about your days and hobbies? Does he ask if you’ll be at that party this weekend or try to find ways to be around you? If the answer so far has been mostly No then maybe he’s not good at expressing his thoughts verbally and you need to see his actions instead. Does he find ways to be near you? Does he do little things that make your life easier?

If the answer is still No then a lack of maturity could be the issue or sadly, he just might not be that into you (link older article). One last thing to keep in mind though is have you made it obvious to him that you like him? Could he read those questions and mostly answer Yes? Have you been honest and straightforward “I like you, I would like to date you, what do you think?”

I know it’s scary to put yourself out there like that but this not knowing will fill you with doubt and destroy your peace of mind from the inside out so even if it’s not the answer you’re hoping for, it’s better to know for sure than always wonder.

For a relationship: It’s very possible you might have a different love language than your significant other. That’s very common and nothing to fear. The way in which you show love and expect it to be shown back to you might be very different than the way your significant other naturally shows their love for you. For example, you might be vocal about your love, writing love letters, showering them with compliments, and always ending an exchange with ‘I love you’. Your significant other might be quiet or reserved and you may be hurt that they never compliment you or say I Love You first. This is where it’s important to 1. Figure out your love language and your SO’s love language and 2. Directly communicate to your SO that you need to be shown some love in your love language (to continue the example, you might ask them to write you a note of appreciate or love or to make the effort to compliment you more).

It’s important you find out the love language of your SO other because this can help you notice the ways in which they ARE showing their love. For example, they might show love by spending quality time together. No matter how busy their schedule is, they make sure that they are home to spend every dinner with you. And sure, you are capable of walking the dog by yourself, but they walk with you every time for that extra one on one time. This extra effort may have been going by unnoticed to you. You may have even gotten annoyed when they asked you to check your social media apps after dinner but now you’re realized how much they cherish that time of undivided attention and connection.

Aside from realizing all the ways you are being shown love, you can also make the effort to show them love in that same way as well. You’ll feel connected again when you start making this effort along with seeing them make the effort to speak your love language too.

You’re the One

You’re the one I’m thinking of tonight

because I’m feeling good, like I finally got life right

like when the sun is shining and the wind is on your face

but maybe the only thing I got right is you

and that’s enough for me baby.

You’re the one I think of on a rough night

when my chest is heavy and my head don’t feel right

like when you’re lost and afraid in the dark

but the moonlight guides you to the morning horizon.

because I want you and I need you baby

You’re the one

-Nov 2017