respect

The Type of Girl

She’s the type of girl you still think about six months later

after she’s fought for you

after you cancel on her for the fifth time

after you’ve taken her for granted.

when you can’t find anyone else who wants to take care of you

when no one cares to hear about that song you dance to in the car

when you can’t find anyone else to stand up as your advocate as you tear yourself down.

She’s the type of girl you never thought would leave

so you treated her that way and funny enough that’s the reason she left.

And now your sorry ass can’t stop thinking of way to get her back.

Sleepless

I’m sleeping just fine

while I’m probably on your mind

still keeping you up.

And you’re mad at yourself

for giving a damn

now that I’m gone.

And you’re mad at yourself

for not giving enough of a damn

back when I would have given you

my whole world

if that’s what you wanted.

But now I don’t care about what you want

You can tell it all to the ghost of mine

that still haunts when you can’t sleep.

Dreams

When I was young I dreamed of reaching the moon

and I dreamed of saving the world.

I dreamed of becoming the best me I could be

but chasing dreams is harder than it seems

because disappointment and doubt appear to be the only things in route.

But I’m strong and I’ll survive

and only Love can keep the heart alive.

War Cry (A Pantoum Style Poem)

Don’t open my door if you aren’t going to close it when you leave

Are you listening to me?

I deserve respect no matter my size or shape, just like everyone else

I am not some object to conquer or kill

Are you listening to me?

The Taliban cannot just board my dusty school bus and fire three shots at me

I am not some object to conquer or kill

You, with your rough whiskers, must face the consequences of what you take

The Taliban cannot just board my dusty school bus and fire three shots at me

You are right to fear that I may know too much, that education is serving me right

You, with your rough whiskers, must face the consequences of what you take

I am learning that a woman is worth more than just how much she can please a man

You are right to fear that I may know too much, that education is serving me right

Do your worst, I will still be standing against you at the end of each day

I am learning that a woman is worth more than just how much she can please a man

My name is Malala, your bullets will not silence me

Do your worst, I will still be standing against you at the end of each day

I deserve respect no matter my size or shape, just like everyone else

My name is Malala, your bullets will not silence me

You cannot just close this door after you open it

What are you looking for on here


In order to not waste each other’s time, an early question in the online dating world will be “What are you looking for on here?”. 

You never want to start off as seeming desperate so you always play it cool. Originally, I would go for an open ended, lighthearted response because I know boys scare easily. But now, if the idea of a relationship scares you then I don’t even want to waste my time hand holding you through the beginning of a relationship.

And that’s why I hate guys who say they’re 

“taking it day by day” 

“wherever it leads is where I end up” 

“nothing in particular” 

“just seeing how things go” 

“idk what I’m looking for”

(all actual quotes I’ve received)

I get not wanting to come off too strong but these guys just don’t care at alllll. I hate the wishy washy, could take it or leave it attitude. I want someone who cares and puts in effort. Who shows respect and potential. I know finding a real match is difficult and a lot of dating is ‘seeing how things go’ but I want someone who is mentally and emotionally ready to commit. 

These are guys that are just not as desperate as the guys who say they’re straight up looking for a good time. But they both are looking for the same thing. Casual, surface level companionship. They’re just trying to spin it a little differently so you’ll be fooled into thinking they really care about you. 

I’m looking for a boyfriend and I know these guys aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon and I’m not going to waste my time on that. I know friends with benefits can turn into a real relationship but that’s the exception to the rule and I’m not counting on beating the odds with that one. 

Unfortunately, some people just use dating apps as a way to pass the time and stave off boredom. It seems I’ve been running into a lot of them lately.

SHORTCOMINGS

You’ll need to have enough patience 

for two because I’m always losing mine. 

Sometimes I’ll pull out my hair from all the stress.

I can’t always keep my cool 

so I’ll clam up in frustration 

fearful that I could shout something I’d regret.

 

I think being late is a sign of disrespect 

and I don’t like to change my mind.

It will sometimes take me a beat 

to figure out what’s right.

But understand these hang ups

and I’ll always do right by you.

The choice to self publish

The dream for me had always been to be picked up by a big publishing company in the future of my writing career. I knew that would not happen right away and self publishing some books would almost be like building up a resume. I could grow my own fan base, I would be showing that I’m not just a one hit wonder, and I would show that I have the passion and commitment to continue on for many more years. 

 

There’s definitely stress and frustration that comes with putting a book together but I do love having control over every decision and making my collection EXACTLY how I want it. As I’ve never been traditionally published, I don’t know when the hand off happens exactly. But I’m sure there’s Cover Designers and Illustrators that can give your collection a complete makeover – a makeover you may not want. You can be included in the conversation but how could you disagree with the professionals if you didn’t like the design?

 

A big plus of signing with a traditional company is the marketing resources that can be dedicated to getting your book to consumers’ hands. When you self publish all the marketing and promoting falls on you. The thing is I’ve seen some collections that were published by traditional companies but barely have 50 reviews on Amazon. I know reviews don’t equal sales but one of the big 5 publishing houses should have enough resources to ensure their books are being promoted well. 

 

Traditional publishing companies have been in the industry for a long time, they have a lot of connections, and they know all the ins and outs to get your book in front of the right people. But will they use that knowledge on you, that’s no guarantee as this recent thread on Twitter speaks to. 

 

After publishing my first two collections, I’ve learned I want control of all creative decisions and I want as much promotional help as possible, it seems there are plenty of examples in the industry that traditional companies don’t help me with either of those things. 

 

Being picked up by a publishing company could be the greatest thing to ever happen to your writing career. It could be the greatest to happen to mine as well, I’m just saying that I no longer feel that hungry desire to chase after one of the big 5 houses. I’m happy self publishing. It’s difficult at some points and I know traditional would have it’s own difficulties as well. Self publishing has been making steady strides in this industry for years and I am here for it’s next step.