standards

Not a Damsel

I’m not asking you to be my shinning knight

but you should treat me better and start acting right.

I don’t need saving, in fact I do just fine on my own

So if you want me in your life then you need to grow up.

I could be good for you if you let me

but you’re too scared I’ll end up being your weakness.

A Few Rules to Keep Your Standards Up

I imagine if you’re a male and you read this article, you might feel a little bit misunderstood and let me just say I am not talking about you. This is for all the immature boys who don’t want to commit to the girl they’re stringing along.

For the past year, my standards have been the perfect height (for new men only, don’t worry I’m well aware I stuck around Stubborn too long).

So a few tips for the girls who seem to always wind up with a f*uckboy:

  • If you set up a date with me for the following weekend and then make no effort AT ALL till the night before when you say “we still on?”. Dude, No we’re NOT still on.
  • If you get frisky in the first 3 days looking for some fun then I’ll ‘casually’ drop you into the delete box.
  • Randomly leave me hanging all day with no explanation… Exit stage left please. I get it, you lead a busy life but all you had to do was say “I’m at work, talk tonight”.
  • Say any sexist, misogynistic garbage, treating women like sexual objects to conquer, or just a general lack of respect for an entire gender. You’ll be taken out like the trash that you are.
  • If a new guy does any of the nonsense Stubborn pulled then I’m chucking the deuces up on my way out the door.

I am very good at not tolerating f*ckboy behavior from new prospects. It’s very easy when they’re new and there are no emotional ties blurring my judgment. Heck, that’s how I landed Mr. Right. My past dating protocol has not worked for me, I’ve learned quite a few things, and I refuse to suffer anymore at the hands of boys too immature to handle a real relationship.

Ladies, if you relate to my frustrations I hope you’ll eventually find yourself in the arms of a man who really appreciates you. If you currently have an almost relationship with your phone then I hope you know it’s not a race, and the journey will teach you many things.

Should you give advice to failed daters?

I’ve been on LOTS of first dates over the years and after a while they can really start to just blur together. But a few stick out to me and one is this guy who I went out to dinner with. During dinner I realized he wouldn’t be a match for me but after dinner we ended up taking my dog for a walk.

 

At this point to Me, the date was over and I was interested in learning about his past to try and figure out his ‘issues’. We eventually got into exes and he explained he didn’t really want to dive into it with a new person he’s getting to know. I felt terrible, blindsiding him that the date was over and I was just looking to offer him advice for his next stack of daters.

 

As a side note, I want to mention that it is a great idea not to dive into past relationships with someone new! Personally, little facts about ex’s will stay in my head and stop me from enjoying the moment with a new boo. You also have to take what’s said about past relationships with a grain of salt. That relationship was two different personalities with two different backgrounds and that won’t reflect the new relationship you’re building.

 

This leads me to the main point – should you give advice to fellow daters? Years ago, I wanted to. I thought I could help some nice guys out, I thought it might help give them closure as they weren’t left wondering what’s wrong with them that they can’t find a good match, and I’m fascinated by the way life shapes us. But the truth is, everyone is different and wants different things. 

 

The reason that you don’t like someone will be the EXACT reason someone else falls in love with them. If you tell them to hide it or get rid of it, you could be stopping them from finding that perfect match! We’re all different people, we have different interests and different goals for our futures. The wrong puzzle piece for you will be the perfect fit for someone else. So you probably shouldn’t suggest that they saw down their edges.  

 

I’m only giving the energy that I receive

Since I’m back in the dating game I’ve embraced a new philosophy of only giving out the same energy that I’m receiving. I’m tired of chasing after guys and tired of continuing to talk to guys who aren’t giving me the love and respect I deserve. So if you don’t answer my text for 4 days, guess when you’re getting a text back? In another 4 days. If you don’t like it then change your behavior and I’ll change mine.

 

On the other hand, if you text back promptly and we’re vibing then I’ll do the same. I’ll also give you the courteous of telling you if something comes up and I’ll be unavailable for the next few hours. If you want your time to be respected then you have to give me that same respect.

I’ve wondered if this philosophy is petty but I’ve decided to ignore that inkling. The first reason is, this is about maintaining a power balance, holding suitors responsible for their actions, and teaching them the respect you want and deserve.

I’m not double texting you and coming off as needy.

I’m not getting hung up on you, waiting to have your attention.

I’m not going to brush it off when you cancel on me last minute.

I’m not letting you get away with only texting me on the weekends at midnight.

 

If a guy is sweet and attentive, that’s the guy I want to attract and have him feel the same way he makes me feel. If a guy is emotionally unavailable and playing for my attention then you’ve guessed it, I’m unavailable. I’m unavailable for your games because I’m focusing on the guy who is focusing on me.

 

The second reasons is because I’ve recently heard the term Frustration Attraction. When someone doesn’t text you back, when someone doesn’t give you their time or attention, it gets very frustrating. You start to wonder why, if they’re just busy or if it has something to do with you? Are they not in to you, why not? Did you do something wrong? Now you’re obsessing over it, now you’re trying to prove yourself to him. Now the power balance is off.

 

This is why I suggest matching their energy right off the bat. Don’t let the power become unbalanced and don’t let yourself get obsessed and attached so easily. Don’t start putting your eggs in this guy’s basket when he’s barely even looking your way. I used to brush off and ignore this behavior in the beginning and then weeks later suddenly find myself obsessing over this trash character. We’re not standing for it anymore, ladies. We’re out here matching energies and focusing on our lives until there’s an energy out there that deserves us.