valentines day

Talking to Multiple Daters

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching so I thought it would be a fun time to talk about why it’s okay and common to talk to multiple daters at the same time while using dating apps.

 

When on dating apps you tend to get a batch of matches at the same time. This increases your chances of starting multiple conversations at the same time. Based solely on numbers, it’s nearly impossible to only talk to one person at a time. You could miss out on making a great connection if you wait too long to talk to someone.

 

Since you’re getting batches of matches on different days, you’ll progress in conversations at different rates. You’ll be ready to meet one guy as you start out with hellos with someone else. When meeting someone for the first time, you still don’t know how much you like them and if there’s any in person chemistry. It’s perfectly normal to still keep up conversation with other people so that you’re not starting from complete scratch if the date doesn’t go well.

 

Having connections with more than one person, helps with the let down when a date doesn’t go well or if someone randomly ghosts you. You don’t have to keep all your eggs in one basket. You also don’t want to seem needy or lame, so talking to multiple people helps keep each conversation casual and replies at a normal speed.

 

Talking to multiple people is a completely normal practice in the modern online dating world and you can delete the apps or stop talking to daters at your own speed. Just be honest about what you’re looking for and what your expectations are.

 

Public Love Letter to My Valentine

Last year I wrote “I’d be a really good girlfriend“, and I still stick to the anti Valentines Day mayhem but as it’s my first time being in a relationship I’m making this one exception. You all might have also recently learned, I’m not the romantic one around here so I’m going to write about the things he does that I appreciate!

First off, right from the start I never had to second guess how he felt about me. I had been around the dating app scene for over a year and could never commit to anyone or find anyone willing to commit to me. Boyfriend made sure we were ‘official’ ASAP and I was thrilled. The second way he made me secure in his feelings for me was how verbal he is about them. As he mentions in the Q&A, he said I love you first to me.

He’s a romantic, leaving notes in my work bag, cooking for me, and gifting me with little things randomly. Like on that weekend trip, we were in a bookstore and we walk out and I see he has a necklace in his hand for me. He takes care of the things I accidentally leave at his place and makes sure I always get to my car safely and checks that I made it home okay.

He also shows me he wants to spend time with me by basically planning out our next date at the end of the one we’re currently on. He’ll talk about things and adventures he wants us to do together. If I ask if he wants to hang out Tuesday or Thursday, he says both. Definitely in the beginning, he liked planning dates, going to the beach or docks along with dinner.  I’m lazy now and just want to watch Netflix but he’ll always ask what we’re doing and how to make our time together fun.

I love his work ethic even if it does mean regularly going into the office saturday mornings. He shows dedication and hussle to succeeding at work and I know that transfers over into all aspects of his life. It also shows his commitment even when time are hard or you’re doing things you really don’t feel like doing. I wouldn’t have lasted more than 2 months at his job so how he’s survived, I’ll never really know but I sure am impressed! (And definitely look forward to him working a job that does not have these long stressful hours.)

He’s also very funny in a creative way. He does impersonations and bits of fictional characters. He’ll use props around the house to add in on the fun. We also both like stand up comedy (kinda how we met) and I have a lot of fun incorporating comedy lines into our day to day conversations.

I’m a very anxious person and can get flustered easily but Boyfriend helps me not take life too seriously. He slows down my panicked pacing, letting me actually enjoy my surrounds and take a breathe. I’m always afraid of the rules, never wanting to get in trouble while he considers any deviation from the approved path a fun adventure.

If i’m upset he’ll try to call or even come over and see me in person so he can soothe away whatever is troubling me. If he’s already with me when I’m sad or frustrated, he knows to try to wait for me to talk it out or to distract me with light conversation. He handles my mood with just ease and I’m lucky he doesn’t seem to mind.

So there you have it, my boyfriend is the best and you poor suckers are missing out haha.

I’d be a Really Good Girlfriend

In honor of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I want to talk about how great of a girlfriend I would be.

That sounds soo conceited and I feel insanely weird for making this post but if I have to embarrass myself just for one person to have a good take away from this article then I’ll do it. And its good to be nice to yourself sometimes. So for making such a statement perhaps you’re wondering how her highness has come to this conclusion?

I’m considerate. I let you know when I’m busy so you’re not left hanging. A simple “busy now, text you when I can” message can keep a person from going crazy. I don’t like playing games. I wont wait 40 minutes to text you back just because you took 20. If that type of forwardness makes you uncomfortable then you’re not the guy for me. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me, I try to plan dates that are near both of us and I don’t take it for granted that you might pay for the date.

I can give you space and encourage you to be your own person. It’s a bit mesmerizing for me when someone talks about things they’re passionate about. Their eyes smile, you know their heart is happy and I encourage them to explore that happiness. We don’t need to be together always, you are you and I am me. Your differences are new and exciting to me, so let’s celebrate them.

I’m open minded and understanding, which makes me supportive. If there’s anything I learned about life so far, it’s that people are complicated. Life is hard and you don’t always get it right. You don’t have to be perfect, in fact, I hope you’re not. I try not to judge difficult moments in your life and I’m very appreciative when you trust me enough to share those darker times.

I’ll be a great girlfriend because I loved the wrong ones so well. I have a big heart and if you take the time to climb over these guarding walls, you’d see there’s this big, empty room with your name on the front door calling you home. If I could try so hard to make it work with the guy who didn’t treat me well enough then imagine how well it could work when you are treating me right.

Now, I need you all to repeat after me and say “I’d be a really good girlfriend/boyfriend/ significant other/caring partner/friend.” You listen well or you know how to take action. You can always lighten the mood or you value loyalty. Don’t doubt yourself, don’t make yourself small or apologetic, instead say you’re good enough and actually believe it for once.

You are a good person, a good friend, and you are important to those around you. Tomorrow doesn’t change any of that.

Please write in the comments and tell me a few of your good qualities!