writing

Big Announcement!

I’m SUPERRRRRR excited to be telling you all that I’m working on my

FIRST PUBLISHED POETRY COLLECTION!!!

It’s something I’ve been contemplating for many months and finally in January I decided I was going to actually go for it this time! I love poetry but I never expected I’d be on this path so you’re all surprised as I am. I’m nervous about it all but I know I just have to  take the jump and face the unknown.

The book will be a 5 chapter journey of love and heartbreak. I’ll be incorporating 20 never before seen poems as well as new illustrations throughout the book!! I expect the book to be just over 100 pages and I am beyond excited for you to see it all! I’ll be self publishing and you can definitely expect some articles on my experience there.

I’m so happy to be sharing this passion project with all of you and will be updating you all along the way! Expect to get your hands on a copy THIS SUMMER!!! I’ll have more information and links as that time approaches.

 

 

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Love on a Budget

I think people often mistake expensive dates for romance. You don’t have to a fancy restaurant every weekend, in fact idea number one is

Cook In instead of dining out. Yes usually grocery shopping is more expensive than just one evening dining out but the food you get can be used for multiple meals so at the end of the day you’re definitely saving money. Cooking together is a great bonding experience too, you learn how particular your partner is about materials, measurements, and sanitation as well as learning what frustrates or stresses them out. Creating a meal together allows you to feel like a united team accomplishing a goal together and the shared memory is a great building block in a relationship.

It’s much easier to find free things to do over the summer such as hiking, parks, and finding some water to splash around in. However low key or intense you want your adventure to be, you can find a good fit! Back in high school when everyone was just learning how to drive, I loved late night adventures just driving around, singing along to the radio, and feeling the wind on your skin. You can make amazing memories out of nothing as long as you’re with people you love and the good vibes flow.

Look into events going on in your neighborhood since the tickets are usually cheap or free! There might be a cover band at a brewery, the local theater putting on a play, or a food expo at the museum across town.You can have fun with your friends too by inviting them over for game night or splitting the cost of a weekend getaway trip.

You don’t have to always miss out on dining out or an expensive experience, you can look for deals on Groupon and other coupon sites to make it more affordable. Restaurant week is the perfect time to dine at the fancy places on the water that you would normally never go to (or be able to afford).

What’s Better the Spark of New Love or the Slow Burn of an Old One?

As I’ve been on the dating scene for a few years, I’m inclined to think I know a thing or two about short term relationships. But seeing as my current relationship is my longest, I needed to call on some friends who have been in multi-year long relationships to get some true insights on that slow burn. And here’s what I learned:

If you’ve been together for multiple years you’ve probably experienced some major life events from birthdays to funerals and new chapters of your life such as graduations and job changes. We change and grow over the years and it’s important the relationship grows as well. You go through struggles and celebrations together strengthening your bond.

Common issues in short term relationships like self doubt and self consciousness fade out. All shared experiences and trust over the years have made jealousy a thing of the past. Any girl can go up to your man, you’re confident in your relationship and you know she’s just wasting her time. Your man loves every weird inch of you, and trust me, by now he has seen it all! There’s no hiding anymore, he’s experienced every one of your odd behaves and they didn’t scare him off! You’re more relaxed and secure in your long term relationship now.

Being committed to someone for multiple years gives you faith in love and hope in the future. Being able to depend on someone for anything that life throws at you makes you confident in yourself that you can handle all of life’s ups and down.

I, personally, have never been able to date someone if I didn’t see a future with them. So being with someone for many years makes it more certain that they could be a life long partner. Life doesn’t really give you a lot of guarantees but knowing that you’ll always have this person beside you could ease some stress. Making future plans with this person could be exciting to think about and plan for.

This leads us right into cons of long term dating though since having to factor someone else into your future means less freedom. You can’t just take that job a few states over, you have your significant other and their career to consider as well. You can’t just buy that new car if you wanted, you have to talk to your significant other about future housing and other expenses. You’re not just looking after yourself now.

The other side of the coin of having someone there for you always, means that you can become dependent on them. All that confidence you had suddenly evaporates when you have to do something by yourself. For example, I have social anxiety and get very anxious having to shop for groceries. I’ve now gone to the grocery store with my boyfriend a few times and that anxiety has really receded (granted probably because my focus is now concentrating on not yelling at my boyfriend for walking too slow but that’s besides the point). Now if I go to the grocery store by myself will I be pushed right back into that same anxiety or will the positive shopping experiences healed that issue for me? Will I be dependent to only go shopping with my boyfriend?
I’ve heard from lots of long term couples that they don’t think they could handle modern dating now. Dating apps seem shallow and hopeless and finding a new partner would be a difficult journey. This could make someone feel trapped in their long term relationship, like they’ll never find someone else to love them as much again.

They have forgotten that the beginning of every relationship is new and exciting! You’re thinking of all the endless possibilities and early love gives you hope for the future. The beginning is still fun and light. There’s no need to dive right off the deep end into tough situations and deep insecurities. For now you’re both showing your best selves and seeing if it’s worth the risk to be vulnerable and show the rough sides too.

In the beginning, every new conversation, date, and touch gives you butterflies. And you still get to keep your freedom too as you two dance around each other, give one another space and not trying to seem too desperate for the next date.

On the other hand, the dating world creates a revolving door of people in your life and the lack of stability and support can make a person feel lonely. This could also make you feel hopeless that love will never work out for you. You begin to think something is wrong with you, afraid to show your true self because you’re not sure what might makes them leave. You meet new people that you have fun with but you haven’t met the person you can be sad with.

Sure, a new spark will catch your eye and make you wonder, but it’s the slow burn that will keep you warm through a cold, dark night.

What’s it like Blogging about a Current Relationship You’re in?

Some people might think it’s kinda weird to tell a bunch of strangers your inner thoughts on such an intimate relationship. Others might be more open minded. I think in a lot of ways blogging helps my relationship. I’m able to sort out feelings, become self aware as I continue to reflect, and I think it helps keep the relationship honest.

What I mean by keeping the relationship honest is that we can’t really sweep issues under the rug when I’m analyzing them, debating various outcomes, and asking for advice on here. Boyfriend then, of course, reads these articles and depending on the situation perhaps learns where I’m coming from and any hidden anxieties that are contributing to an issue.

I may also be able to work out some personal hang ups by writing them out and saving us from a future disagreement. It’s important to be self aware and know what topics you’re sensitive about. I might be able to discover the true reason why I’m upset about something whether it’s because I was hurt before in a similar way or I was just deflecting  because I didn’t want to face the true issue (i.e. being mad at your girlfriend for always being late but you’re actually upset that she doesn’t value your time/effort).

It allows him insights he might normally not find in positive situations as well. It allows me to express my appreciation for him since I usually have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts. (I think I get romantic brownie points but let’s be honest, after the 30th poem I think the shine wears off) He may also learn things that help to ease his worries as well, ones that he might have been too nervous to tell me about or just have yet come up in the relationship.

Blogging about my current relationship is kind of like having a free relationship counselor.

The Boyfriend does Q&A!

DD: The tables have finally turned! My Boyfriend is giving us a Tell All on our relationship and I get to hear his inner thoughts on some questions you guys have been wondering! Let’s get this show started!

1.How do you feel about her? by Homelife

That’s an easy question, I love her. From the first date that we went on I could tell that she was different from any girl that I had ever met before, and over the past couple of months I’ve considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for having her in my life.

2. How do you feel about your gf blogging about you and your relationship? Do you read what she writes? Approve/ edit? by Floating Gold

To be honest, at first it felt a little weird for me. But that’s mostly because DD creates all of her content several months before posting it to this blog, so when we first started dating she was still posting about going on dates with other guys. But ever since she started posting about me, I absolutely love reading it. It really shows me how much she loves me.

DD: I consider majority of my posts about Boyfriend to be some form of a love letter and I think it holds more feeling and impact if he doesn’t see them until the finished project is ready. But I will sometimes send him poems before they are published on here.

3. Opposites attract or two peas in a pod?

For the most part, two peas in a pod. I’m sometimes shocked by how similar our personalities are. We both seem to have the same values and morals. Both of us are the type who would rather spend a night cuddling up and watching a good show or movie than going out to a bar or club. Our similarities make it very easy to spend time together because we usually agree on what it is that we want to do.
However, we do have some differences. DD is a morning person who can easily wake up when her alarm sounds, while I’m the kind of person who hits the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. (DD: literally impossible to wake him up…)I like to drink beer, DD only drinks hard cider. DD also has an amazing short-term memory, but a horrible long-term memory, entire parts of her childhood she can’t remember. I’m the opposite, I can remember things that happened years ago in great detail, but I have a terrible short-term memory, so we balance each other out. But perhaps the biggest difference is that I know that beagles are the best breed of dogs, while DD still thinks that Shiba Inu’s are the best. (DD: You’ll come around to the truth eventually mwhaha)

4. When did you know you really liked DD?

As DD mentioned in a previous post, she had been on a few dates prior to our first date, and so had I. As a matter of fact, both of us went on dates with other people the night before our first date together. Even crazier, both of us almost cancelled going on that first date with each other. Fortunately we didn’t cancel, and the date that we both thought would be a quick dinner date that would last for an hour at best, turned into a date that lasted nearly six hours. So to answer the question, the first date was when I knew that I really liked DD.

5. What’s been your favorite date so far?

This is a hard question, because we’ve had so many great dates. Also it’s hard to tell what is considered a date and what is not. My answer to this question may be slightly controversial because it lasted an entire weekend. The time we took a trip to Upstate New York. This was our first trip together and the longest continuous amount of time we spent together. I made a playlist of our favorite songs for the road trip up to Albany. Albany is the city where I went to college, so I know the city very well and had a lot of fun showing DD all of my favorite places. When I introduced her to my two best friends from college who both still live in Albany, I was very worried because they never liked any of my other girlfriends before, but they absolutely loved DD.
The second day of our trip is what really made it special though. As we were driving up to Saratoga from Albany, we stopped at a park along the way that overlooked Cohoes Falls. As we were standing on a bridge overlooking the water fall, I told DD that I loved her, it was my first time saying it, but it just felt right to say it. Once we got to Saratoga we stayed at this cute little hotel that had a courtyard with a fireplace. That night we sat next to the fire for hours cuddling and talking. Everything felt perfect.

6. What your favorite feature about your lady? (nothing too cliche please or inappropriate) by Bexoxo

My favorite feature about DD is her smile. Whenever she gets excited about something she gets this big grin on her face that’s absolutely adorable. (DD: I remember he once described this ‘big grin’ as taking up half of my face, which sounds creepy, not adorable if you ask me…)She also has a great body too, but I can’t get too inappropriate so I’ll just leave it at that.

7. So now that you’ve found love, tell us how should we find it?

Unlike DD, this is not my first relationship. I’ve been in several others, some of which were downright terrible, others which just didn’t have the spark needed to sustain a successful relationship. My advice would be that if you’re in a relationship with somebody and you are unhappy or just don’t feel the magic, get out of it, because you never know when the perfect person will walk into your life and the last thing you want is to miss that opportunity.

8. Who’s more romantic? What was the romantic gesture?

I would say that I’m the more romantic one, I’m always trying to think of new and creative romantic things that I can do. Anything to make DD show me her smile.

DD: I would also agree Boyfriend is the more romantic one, he does it in simple thoughtful ways, like when he went on a business trip for a week but somehow secretly left a handwritten love note in my work bag to read while he was gone. He’s incredibly open in expressing his feelings for me and I can’t begin to explain how much I value that in a significant other.

9. What character name do you wish you had on the blog? What character name would you give DD if you had a blog?

The name that she gave me is perfect. Originally, she wanted to name me “boats” because our first couple of dates all took place near the water, (DD: Honestly, he realllllyy likes boats…)but I convinced her that boats was a stupid name.

10. When did you find out about the blog? by Formerly Unfortunate

When we first started talking online, I saw the link to the blog on her Instagram. I checked it out a little bit, but it didn’t deter me from going on our first date.

11. Have you read the old posts? If so, what did you think and if not, what made you refrain from doing so? by Dating Dad

I have read some of the old posts. As I mentioned in one of my other answers, it did make me feel a little weird at first, but it doesn’t bother me too much.

DD: Thank god Boyfriend doesn’t have a blog because we all know how I would handle old posts… 

12. What do you think made you stand out from the crowd and secure official boyfriend status? by Dating Dad

To be honest, I have no clue. As I said neither one of us wanted to go on the first date, and to make matters worse, I had a stain on my shirt that I didn’t find out about until later that night. But somehow I was able to stand out from the crowd, and I’m thankful that I did.

DD: I can, of course, list things I love about Boyfriend such as his work ethic and ability to make me laugh but I also wonder why we clicked so well on that first date and how that connection continues to grow months and months later. All I know for sure thought is that I feel so safe in his love for me and it’s so easy to love him back.

13. End the debate, is DD dateable?

Yes!

 

When DD first told me that I would be answering questions for her blog I got a little nervous, but answering these questions has actually been a lot of fun for me. Writing my answers got me to think back and relive the last couple of months that DD and I have spent together, and what makes her so special. I look forward to seeing the response that this post gets on her blog, I look forward to reading more of her posts, and of course I look forward to loving her some more. (DD: Aww, he’s so frinking cute!)

DD’s 2017 Highlights

As 2017 comes to a close I thought I might bring back some posts through the year in case you missed them or they were so good you wanted to read them again 😉

Articles Top 10:

When to Say No

Loving Love

When is it Time to take a Break from Dating?

Don’t Worry You’re Not as Desperate as You Think (or What I’m Choosing to Believe)

If He Acts like He’s Not into You

To Ghost or Not to Ghost (Dating Honesty)

I Finally Got a Boyfriend!

The Dating Curse -Part Two

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

Signs He Really Likes You

Poems Top 10:

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil

Love the Artist not the Art

It’s All Wrong

A Good Partner

I Outgrew You

Love You, Love Me Not

The Woman who Still Stands

The Feel of You

You’re What I Need

Romance (A list of things you’ve done)

 

How Do You Meet Someone if You Don’t Party

The New Year is just weeks away and I know there have been plenty of holiday parties as well. Friends are on school break and family travel to gather together during this period. This is prime party season and you know your friends are going to want to drag you out to the bars. But maybe the party scene isn’t for you and you know you don’t want to find your future significant other at the bar. So where do you find them?

If you love doing something, you’ll probably want to share your passions with your SO. So join the gym, the hiking club, or that pottery class. For starters, you’ll be super happy digging into your hobby and honing your skill. You’ll learn new things and hopefully meet new people while you’re at it. Maybe you’ll form chemistry with a special someone as you gush to each other about the new trail the club conquered last weekend.  I always second guessed myself when thinking of joining a new club and I think I missed out on a lot of fun and new opportunities by overthinking it. I hope you find the courage where I didn’t.

But if you’re hoping to stay closer to your comfort zone then this next idea might be more your speed and you’ve already done half of the work. You already have friends and they have other friends and those friends have friends. Your networking circle just quadrupled instantly and it’s time to explore the new dating pool! Your friends may know of a singleton who might share some of the same interests and values you do.

But maybe all the guys your friends know are sooo not your type. That’s okay because there’s a big dating pool right at your finger tips. Online dating opens you up to so many new people you would never have met or ran into otherwise. With dating profiles you can openly write what you’re looking for and things that interests you. This makes dating a lot easier than talking to a new person at the bar every weekend only to find out at the end of each night that he’s just not the one for you. Of course, not everyone is interested in dating apps and that’s okay. You can combine option 1 and option 3 by joining an online community of your interest/ hobby. Here you can chat with like minded people about things you enjoy and you may even discover a special connection.