writing

Is Online Dating Embarrassing?

The date had gone well and he was walking me to my car when instead of asking about our second date he says “we gotta start thinking about what we’re going to tell people about how we met”. Honestly, I was a little taken back. Should I be offended? Is he embarrassed of me? about how we met?

Of course, I couldn’t really be offended because I had similar thoughts just last week. Dating apps are where all the people who have been rejected in their real life congregate. Honestly though, that’s not exactly true. If you work really long hours or in an industry predominately populated by the gender you’re not interested in then you’re just not meeting enough people in the outside world that you could even consider dating. When I first joined online dating, I was in college surrounded mainly by college guys who were only interested in hooking up and partying. Since neither of those interests me, I decided to search for people who actually matched my interests.

Perhaps 5 years ago, when dating apps were much less mainstream, the few people meeting online would be embarrassed about admitting how they met. Now though, 49,650,000 people have tried online dating out of the 54,350,000 singles in the US. For those that haven’t given it a try, they probably still know a relative, friend, or coworker who is on a dating app. So if you’re talking to someone under 75 years old then you most likely don’t have to worry about anyone asking which fishing dock is named Plenty of Fish.

But maybe the issue isn’t IF people know about dating apps, it’s WHAT they know about them. Are dating apps seen in a negative light? Do people look down at those on such sites? But with one-third of marriages starting online, it now seems like an appropriate possibility with reasonable success for relationships. Sure, Tinder will probably always be seen as the hook up app or just a mobile game everyone plays now to pass the time. But even then, I still know a couple that originally met on Tinder now planning their wedding for next year.

Or maybe, it’s time we care less about what people think of us and our dating lives. If you’re dating a guy who treats you well and makes you happy, who cares how you met him! Your close friends and family will forget all about his dating profile once they begin to see him together with you more. And for everyone else’s opinions who don’t really matter, you’ll be too busy holding hands and making future plans to ever worry about such opinions.

 

Advertisements

Let’s Showcase Your Blog!

Hey fellow bloggers!

I’m interested in reblogging any articles from any blogs that write about dating, poetry, or just some good old fashion life advice!

So feel free to tag me on one of your articles, comment here. or go to my contact page so I know which post you want reblogged! Make sure to mention the phrase “Project LoveFest” !

I’ll be doing this all the way to the New Year !!

Edit 10/16: As of now every Wednesday will be a day dedicated to each blogger who has written in to me via comment or email and it’s in order of first come first serve. If more bloggers contact me then Fridays might also become a dedication day. Thanks everyone for making Project LoveFest a success, spread the love! ❤

Getting Back in the Saddle

It’s difficult to change your mindset or routine because it requires conscious effort and work. It’s easy to just continue life on auto pilot, never leaving your comfort zone. But that’s a pretty limited area and there’s not enough room to grow. I haven’t been on a date in 6 months. After yet another potential relationship crashing before even getting off the ground, I was somewhat hopeless about my future.

I tended to my wounds in private and back to the comfort of my own company. It was safe here, no hope to shatter nor vulnerability to fear. Eventually dating finally held my interest again for longer than a few weeks. I found myself talking to a very nice boy, one with old fashion manners and quite the infatuation with me. His compliments and sweet nature warmed me up to a coffee date.

It was horrible. I mean he was nice still but I left feeling very uncomfortable like even a shower wouldn’t be able to shake this feeling. Of course, that night I ended things with him and he very quickly stopped being nice.

Luckily, I was talking to someone else in which I was able to have very deep and honest conversations with early on. These sensitive topics allowed us to form a connection quickly and two weeks later we met for coffee as well. The honesty we had formed did have one little downside though, as he seemed to have a habit of telling me about the other girls he was talking to and taking on dates. Perhaps I could cut him some slack for the lack of dating etiquette though since he had been in two long-term relationships back to back within the past 5 years.

Although I was thrilled to find a guy my age who isn’t afraid of relationships, I was a little worried he would care more about that romantic attention than he would actually care for me. That issue was easily avoided though because he realized long distance didn’t speed up the healing process when a three-year relationship ends.

Maybe I still needed a few more months of healing myself.

However, I had already set up two more dates and canceling them the day before seemed a bit too rude. The next guy was also nice and I’m pleased to have started a fairly good track record of only going on dates with nice boys ever since Mr. Right taught how I really deserved to be treated. Unfortunately for dater #3, I wasn’t really experiencing those romantic feelings for him.

It wasn’t until my final date that getting back in the saddle finally seemed worth it. Interestingly, it was someone I had talked to nearly a year ago who I had written off before even meeting. A common interest on my social media had persuaded him to text me. I explained the notions I had of him last time and why I believed we stopped talking. He did his best to clear things up and quickly introduced the idea of meeting so I could finally get to know the real him. I’m glad for second chances because I couldn’t have been more wrong about his personality. He was good at encouraging me to speak my mind and (ahem, mom cover your eyes) an even better kisser.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy but in order to go after your goals and desires, you have to find the courage to take a leap and saddle up. There’s risks of failure and vulnerability but the success and happiness you find could be well worth it in the end.

Ramblings to Bleu

And I wonder if you think about me

if you wrote about me

if you’ve moved on

I wonder what you told your sister about us

and what she thinks about me now that its over

You have a beautiful mind

and I saw it again today.

Would you have been too much for me if you had let us have a real chance?

Or would you have lifted me into the light?

You sparked something deep and vulnerable in me

and I don’t think I ever got the chance to thank you for that.

I don’t always understand your songs

but would you let me listen one more time?

Record one more just for me

-April 2017

PC

Picky Daters

For me, first dates take a lot of mental effort. It requires you to carve out new time in your routine, the nervousness of meeting someone new, and as a reserved and introverted being, the social draining from constant conversation for multiple hours.

For these reasons, I don’t jump at every date. If I’ve only been talking to a guy about really trivial things for the past three days then I may want more time getting to know him before agreeing to give him my free afternoon. I’ve been coerced into first dates before and have learned to stick with my gut now. There’s always going to be a few things you have in common with a stranger, that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be.

It’s also important I ask what their intentions are before agreeing to meet up as well. I want to go on an actual date, not just chill at your house or in your car. Those can be part of the date but not the main event. I want to know that you’re making an effort to get to know me not just buying your time before you try to shove your tongue down my throat.

So I’m picky about who I agree to go on dates with. I’m not looking to waste anyone’s time, money, or gas. If I agree to go on a date with you then it’s because I think there will end up being more than one date. I don’t want to go on 50 first dates, I want to develop something deeper than that. I’m worth getting to know and I’m worth the effort of planning a date.

 

Dagger in My Heart

You talk about her and it’s not the dagger in my heart I thought it would be.

Still aimed in my direction it whispers right past my ear, the dagger of self doubt.

If it’s your true love I’ll gladly lay down in defeat but you speak with lust

and I can’t reason your insecurities this time.

There’s a line of new girls you’re hoping will take your mind off her.

I wonder why you keep me at a distance

when I’m a master of distraction and seduction.

-May 2017