Girlfriend Qualities

I want to talk about how great of a girlfriend I would be.

That sounds soo conceited and I feel insanely weird for making this post but if I have to embarrass myself just for one person to have a good take away from this article then I’ll do it. And its good to be nice to yourself sometimes. So for making such a statement perhaps you’re wondering how her highness has come to this conclusion?

I’m considerate. I let you know when I’m busy so you’re not left hanging. A simple “busy now, text you when I can” message can keep a person from going crazy. I don’t like playing games. I wont wait 40 minutes to text you back just because you took 20. If that type of forwardness makes you uncomfortable then you’re not the guy for me. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me, I try to plan dates that are near both of us and I don’t take it for granted that you might pay for the date.

I can give you space and encourage you to be your own person. It’s a bit mesmerizing for me when someone talks about things they’re passionate about. Their eyes smile, you know their heart is happy and I encourage them to explore that happiness. We don’t need to be together always, you are you and I am me. Your differences are new and exciting to me, so let’s celebrate them.

I’m open minded and understanding, which makes me supportive. If there’s anything I learned about life so far, it’s that people are complicated. Life is hard and you don’t always get it right. You don’t have to be perfect, in fact, I hope you’re not. I try not to judge difficult moments in your life and I’m very appreciative when you trust me enough to share those darker times.

I’ll be a great girlfriend because I loved the wrong ones so well. I have a big heart and if you take the time to climb over these guarding walls, you’d see there’s this big, empty room with your name on the front door calling you home. If I could try so hard to make it work with the guy who didn’t treat me well enough then imagine how well it could work when you are treating me right.

Now, I need you all to repeat after me and say “I’d be a really good girlfriend/boyfriend/ significant other/caring partner/friend.” You listen well or you know how to take action. You can always lighten the mood or you value loyalty. Don’t doubt yourself, don’t make yourself small or apologetic, instead say you’re good enough and actually believe it for once.

You are a good person, a good friend, and you are important to those around you. Tomorrow doesn’t change any of that.

Please write in the comments and tell me a few of your good qualities!


  1. Unfortunately so many can’t list 2 positive things about themselves when asked. Self discovery is a journey.
    Quality: Open communication-I am excited by deep conversations and nothing is off topic; sarcastic and dry sense of humor-finding ways to laugh is important.


  2. That is quite a good and honest list of qualities to bring to the table. I realize that sometimes, people do not click quite right, but you do leave wiggle room as you accept peoples imperfections.

    Me, I am the quiet supporter of whatever you do. I am not the over the top cheerleader, but a pillar on which to rely on. I believe that people do need space, yet at the same time, I enjoy doing tasks together as well. I gave up on the standard gender roles years ago, but I acknowledge that I still fall short in some areas. But I still have that passion to learn new things. I like getting work done so that we can play, versus some who thing we always will have tomorrow to catch up.


  3. Those are not simply good “girlfriend” qualities, they are good people qualities.

    As you wrote, people are complex and as much as we like people, places, and things to look one way in reality it is far more dynamic.

    Alain de Botton has this great statement about dating, paraphrasing he says, “On our first date we should tell the other person all the ways we are crazy.” (It was in Krista Tippet’s podcast On Being).

    Essentially he highlights the fact we tend to love someone when they are at their best and punish them for their Ugly. We tend to only love the people that make us feel good about ourselves. It is why when hard things are revealed we rebel because we don’t know how to be behave when we are forced to feel things we dislike.

    The qualities I like about myself? I am a good partner because I am compassionate, spiritually and emotionally growth oriented, patient, and committed to making conscious choices about vulnerability and intimacy. I’m committed to those practices.

    Were am I Ugly?

    Well, that is far more interesting and complicated conversation. If I was going to spend my life with you I’d want to know who you are in darkness too…


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