November Throwback – Loving Love

The beginning of love is so thrilling. You’re learning all these new things about someone. You’re connecting with someone on many different levels. The possibilities of the future are exciting and bright.

The first time your hands touch, the date that lasts 6 hours, the first kiss, and all the butterflies and sore cheeks from smiling at text messages all day long.

I love hearing about when a guy friend has met a new girl. How nervous she makes him, how adorable he thinks she is, and when he asks for advice on when he should go for the first kiss. This had happened around the time when things were really ending with Stubborn. The excitement and respect the friend had for this new girl right away made it so blatantly obvious that I was settling on the wrong guy (Hilarious irony, it was actually Stubborn’s friend who made me realize Stubborn wasn’t right for me, not my friend).

He knew he had found someone special and he wanted to make sure he did everything right so she would like him enough to stick around. I needed someone who realized my worth and put in the effort.

I’ve experienced the beginnings of a new relationships a few times. It’s fun, exciting, and new. As great as it is, I can’t wait for that part to be over. I want the comfort and security of a long, deep love. A love where it’s safe to share my deepest fears and dreams. You no longer do things to be polite or impress them, you pick up their favorite ice cream just because you care. You wear the same oversized t-shirt every night and fall asleep by midnight on Saturdays. You share every laugh, tear, and burp together.

You watch each other grow and struggle as you plan a future together.

That’s what I can’t wait for.

May Throwback – Crazy Girl

I agree that he might have just meant that being on an app for so long is discouraging for anyone, myself included actually because I tend to take 3-5 month long breaks after being on dating apps for 2 or so months. I decided to go for the dramatic answer and I’ll explain why. I believe the ease of having so many available suitors at your fingertips, the anonymity behind a screen, and the ability to use filters so you can build your perfect soul mate with precisely the characteristics you want attracts emotionally unavailable and immature people.

You don’t have to take every date so seriously when there’s 5 other messages waiting for you after dinner. If there’s just one thing you don’t like then on to the next one. People don’t put in real effort because of this. There’s no vulnerability and we can easily hide from our emotional issues. Blame it on someone else when things don’t work out once again.

I actually know a couple whom met on Tinder and are now engaged! And Mr. Romantic was from Tinder so there are definitely emotionally ready people on dating apps, they’re just hidden gems.

I am, of course, lumping myself into being emotionally unready. I have yet to have a real, serious relationship but I’m young so I can’t complain much. But I do believe that I now fear that type of intimacy. I’ve been hurt by caring too deeply for the wrong people, imagine the kind of heartbreak if it doesn’t work out after a long, genuine relationship! I’ve been on dating sites for 2 years and all past suitors have left, of course I’m a bit scarred that it will happen again. That I will be left again.

Without a doubt, this is always the gamble for anyone looking for love. You have to risk getting hurt. I am not the only one who has been left, the only one to experience heartache, and I won’t be the last. I just have to try really hard to not let my insecurities and fears stop me from taking the risk. I was very conscious of that with Mr. Romantic and I made a lot of personal strides during my time with him (Heck, I’m nearly 100% positive he would agree).

So that brings me to my next point, I can’t date someone that I don’t see a future with. I’m not sure how other people do it but if I know there is a serious issue that will make us part paths down the line then why get attached and make ourselves hurt that badly? The odds are not in my favor for finding my future husband in my early twenties online. So that leaves me single, unfortunately. And on dating apps for two years…

September Throwback – smoke, pills, and alcohol

Always told you can never do anything right

so you smoke until everything feels light.

You self sabotage with pills and alcohol

afraid you’ll prove him right and fall.

Forgetting everything else in that brilliant mind

because his hatred has made you go blind.

You self medicate with pills and alcohol

numbing the pain so you can finally sleep instead of bawl.

scared if you see your dad, you’ll lose control and brawl.

August Throwback – Why You Can’t Be Friend With Your Ex

When a relationship ends rather amicably, it makes it harder to really sever the ties. For my situation with Mr. Right, it was a logical decision to end things, not an emotional one. So it took longer for the emotions to align with our minds. It’s confusing trying to be friends with your ex. You read into conversations more, rethink how things could have been, and still crave that intimacy that is just out of reachnow.

When you break up, you have to establish new friendship boundaries and that’s not something that easily happens over night. I’m not saying you can never be friends with your ex. I’m just saying that taking a break after a break up is extremely helpful in the healing process. Not taking time apart just delays the hurt and the loneness. You need some closure on that part of the relationship in order to open up the door for friendship again.

You have to remember that you can still do things on your own just fine and that you were never dependent on someone else. You need time to mourn the relationship as it was. If you don’t take this time, it could lead to ending the relationship but still hooking up for physical intimacy. Or perhaps you’re trying to persuade him back into a committed relationship. It’s a sticky situation when you’re just hooking up when feeling so emotionally attached. You’re putting yourself right in the line of fire to get your feelings really hurt.

It also makes it really difficult to move on and become emotionally available again when you’re in constant contact with your ex. If you’re still texting all hours of the day and you go to her when you hear great or terrible news, then you’re probably still kinda dating.

Relationships are complicated and break ups even more so. You don’t have to try to date someone new. But if a break up did happen then it might be a good time to reflect on yourself and the relationship. Figure out what you really need and want from your significant other and think about if your ex can really be that person.

This time of closure and reflection is all about you. So being friends with your ex while trying to sort out your own emotions makes things cloud and confusing. Allow yourself some solitude and clarity before reforming a relationship/friendship with your ex again.

July Throwback – He’s Different

So I’ve met someone new!

I’d like to put a disclaimer first saying this post is just about acknowledging and celebrating his differences, not a declaration of he’s the one. I’m not that delusional. (It’s only been a couple of weeks, let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet).

I would also suggest to others not to compare your current suitors to boys of your past but since when does anyone ever follow their own advice?

So what does my new guy do that the others haven’t?

First, he’s not afraid to call them ‘dates’! We’re not just hanging out, not staying in, and not just grabbing food. It’s a date. In the past, I’ve avoided saying the word ‘date’ because I was worried it would freak the guy out a little bit. It’s very refreshing that he’s so comfortable with the word and the concept.

So I’ve been on a quite a few dates. Enough dates that I started avoiding meal dates and would purposely try to plan activities like bowling and mini golf. So I’ve done most date activities by now and it’s pretty difficult to surprise and impress me. He did both.

First off, he actually planned them himself! This has never happened to me before. It’s always been a back and forth of naming a few suggestions that are of equal distance between our two locations, then narrowing them down. Then I pick the day and give some options for the time we should meet up. It’s a very long process and some guys were so passive that it was like pulling teeth trying to figure out a place that we would actually both enjoy.

Secondly, there’s usually the waiting game of when you can ask about the next date because you’d don’t want to come off as too available and desperate. He doesn’t play games. Monday night he asks me if I have plans for Saturday and when I say no he says great because he has a surprise. He plans TWO different date options in different envelops allowing me to read both once he’s picked me up from my house and pick the one I want to go to that night. AND both options were activities I had never done before, which honestly must have been a stroke of luck. I was so impressed with the planning, the originality and creativity of the date ideas that were able to surprise me!

The final way in which he is different so far stems from his dislike of small talk. He likes to explore new topics and talk about interesting things. He’s also not afraid to talk about uncomfortable topics. You know how you steer away from your insecurities and issues for the first month or three (lol) of dating to make sure they like your positive attributes first before learning about your difficult traits? That didn’t happen with us. If you’ve read along with my blog over the past few months then you’ve heard me mention my intimacy and abandonment issues.

Well, somehow they came up during our first date and he asked me about them so we’re pretty bare to each other already. I appreciated that he didn’t shy away from the hard stuff even if I hadn’t been planning on talking about it for a while. We’re going to be jumping into this already knowing the deep secrets you usually hide. And it actually made our second date a lot easier.

Usually, I’m anxious thinking about the things I haven’t told my suitors yet, wondering if they’ll view me differently after, or if they’ll think it’s too much work to put up with. Instead, I could be fully honest with him. I didn’t have to think about how I was going to avoid the whole truth without lying or think about how I would tell him the full story later on. And there were more and more things he got to learn about me because I wasn’t so worried about being judged.

So he’s different and I like it. And I’m curious to see more of his differences and were that takes us.

June Throwback – Love the Artist not the Art

Im not a painting, a gallery, nor a museum.

My textures are not on for display, you do not have permission to touch.

My colors are not for you to stare and talk about.

I’m not something you visit or pass by.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking I’m something easy to leave

Only a fool loves something for the way it looks.

Do not love me for my Art but for the Artist behind the canvas.

The art changes as She continues to create more art

Love me and I will create beautiful art for you every day, forever.

May Throwback – 300 followers Q&A

2021 Current: In August when I’m closer to my 5 year anniversary I’ll do a short Q&A to try to highlight how things have changed and progressed over the years.

Feb 17, 2017: I was so thrilled to hit 300 followers that I’m going to suggest the idea of a Q&A for March! I don’t know how interested anyone is in hearing more about me but we’ll see how that goes! So write your question in the comments below or on the Contact page.

Questions can be anything your heart desire’s! -random, specific, blog related, personal, theoretical, whatever! (We all know I love to talk about love so that’s fair game too!)

And I’ll be sure to link your blog in my Q&A post if you happen to ask a question!  Thanks so much and hope to hear from you!

Looking Back on 2020 (A year in review)

Lets look back on the highlights in 2020 on Debatably Dateable!

New collection: Even the Leaves is 5 months old already! It’s crazy that I’ve already published 3 poetry collections with Ddateable. And 2021 will by my 5 year anniversary having Debatably Dateable! I’m not sure what’s next but I’m proud of all that I’ve accomplished already and I’m forever thankful for all the support you have shown through the years!

Favorite poems:

Wish You Would (Sept) – A classic DDateable poem, and the muse consumes all of my 2020 so how could I not?

Breathe in Love (May) – A poem I wrote from his point of view, which I enjoy doing and don’t do often enough.

Devilish Love (Feb) – I was binging Lucifer at the time and it was pretty cool to put him into a poem, any other fans catch some of my hints?

Your Favorite / Most viewed poem:

I’ll be Your Everything (Jan) – In just a few lines this poem tells a love story from now till old age.

Noteworthy: Wedding Day (August) – My sister got married this summer!!

Favorite posts:

Dating apps can make you healthy (Jan) – I talk about how miserable dating apps are all the time so it’s nice to throw in an article where they don’t seem so bad and they even help you set. goals.

Dinner and movie terrible date (April) – I stand by that statement and there will be more articles to come on other terrible dates ideas in 2021!

How to get over someone (July) – we’re all still not over someone so this article is perfect for anyone. There’s the funny joke on Dating apps that you need to figure out who’s married -single, single -single, and waiting on their ex -single.

Your Favorite/ Most viewed post:

I’m only giving the energy I receive (April) – Amen to that girl! I love this post, I would have mentioned it myself if you guys didn’t! If that’s the one thing you ever take away from my blog, then I consider it a success!

Noteworthy: Pandemic Dating (July) – We’re in the second wave of the pandemic, how could I end this post without mentioning it?

From the Start

Here we go again
trying to break my heart
Should have called it from the start.
It took so long to make you mine
now I know I was just wasting my time.
Sleepless nights spent thinking about you,
well it’s all so sad but I ain’t gunna cry for you.